The overthinker's guide to icebreakers: a brutally honest manifesto
Yes, even overthinkers use dating apps, and the other day I was scrolling through them and moaned loudly at the first, "Hey, how are you?" I was astounded by how quickly we are suffocating in a sea of pointless politeness.
I am the type of individual who scrutinizes text messages, interrupts video calls, and may be overly analytical about your emoji selections. But this hyper-awareness has helped me come to a fresh insight: the fastest way to a real relationship is honesty, no matter how messy.
Please don't call me a cynic; I enjoy a good meme or playful chat just as much as the next person. But those are really more like appetizers than the major course. Good things they are. I search out talks that explore the core of who we are—the good, the horrible, and the just plain ugly.
This amount of honesty is not always appealing. I've been accused of being overly blunt and intense. (Okay, maybe I have been termed a "dick" once or twice.) But I'd rather be renowned for my sincerity than for wearing a carefully crafted mask.
I now think differently about relationships and love as well. I'm not embarrassed to say that I've battled commitment problems. That does not, however, preclude my ability to create real, deep relationships. I commit fully and for an extended period of time.
I hereby issue this challenge to those of you who are sick of flimsy exchanges and fellow overthinkers: resist the urge to SMS someone a generic "How's your day?" the next time. Share something authentic, instead. Maybe it's a passion project you're proud of, a fear you're battling, or just a declaration of how much you hate small talk (see, I told you I was honest!). Ultimately, your vulnerability and authenticity will be appreciated more than a generic message.
This does not require you to reveal your darkest secrets to every stranger you encounter. Begin small. Give an insight into your life, opinions, and eccentricities. Accept the discomfort that comes with being vulnerable. How fast that becomes relief, a common understanding, and maybe the beginning of a real relationship may astound you. The advantages of a real relationship outweigh the often frightening process of opening up.
Perhaps you will encourage someone else to give up the pointless discussion and accept the messy, amazing truth of who they are.
