Failed but not Lost
by Bartika Biswas
There was a day,
I dreamt of being “good”—
a good daughter, a good partner, a good friend,
and a lot more “good.”
Believe me,
I did everything—
more than I had ever imagined,
just to keep those roles as “good.”
But
they were not happy.
They wanted something else.
I tried, and sometimes I won.
But then—
no, they were not happy that time either.
Another expectation
began installing itself in their heads.
Only repeating and repeating—
days passed.
Then
a day suddenly came.
Things changed—
as if the wheel of fortune took the cruelest turn,
or exposed the harsh reality.
I spoke—
spoke so boldly for the first time in my life.
This time, I refused to surrender,
to bow my head,
or to satisfy them.
In a moment, I became their biggest enemy,
as if I had done nothing.
Their words hit my tiny soul like a sharp sword.
I spoke,
as if my words could untangle
the inner turmoil to them.
Tears of grief overwhelmed my body.
I could hardly do anything.
No—
they didn’t come,
didn’t understand,
didn’t talk to me.
I became their unknown face.
There began an ongoing inner fight—
to be “good” to myself
or keep that “good” persona for them.
I chose the first!
And they became my biggest mentors,
They shaped my way - ways of everything.
Maybe I failed to them.
All my previous efforts became futile.
But
I was not lost.
Maybe, as a true winner to myself—
keeping honesty within,
wrapped in strength,
and being kind to that tiny girl
I first met in this universe.
10.03.26.
