“I was born with a cleft lip–I had my first surgery when I was 4 months old, which left me scarred. That coupled with my dark skin ensured I had trouble making friends. I was 2 when we moved to Singapore; kids would point in my direction and whisper; it made me conscious.
And the complex increased when I joined ballet– my classmates would shun me, and say, ‘We don’t want you around.’ My teacher was biased too–once, she locked me in a store room for dancing in class. I went home and bawled; my parents ended up changing my school.
The new school had more Indian kids and settling in was easier. To keep me busy, mom enrolled me in Bharatnatyam classes; my love for dance grew. Whenever I was on stage, I’d forget about the comments. Mom even enrolled me for swimming and skating, all of which darkened my complexion, so then I had a new problem. Whenever we’d return to India, my relatives would ‘lovingly’ call me ‘kaalu’. I knew they meant no harm, but it stayed with me.
I remember, when I was 7 and my sister was born, the first thing I said when I looked at her was, ‘Thank God she doesn’t look like me!’ Mom looked at me and said, ‘You’re beautiful–remember that!’ I just nodded, but didn’t believe it.
When my sister turned 3, we moved to Bangalore; the bullying continued. The girls in school were so hostile, they wouldn’t sit next to me. When I told a guy I liked him, he kicked me.
We were there for a year and I remember crying for most of it. So, when my parents said we were moving to Bombay, I thought, ‘How different can it be?’ But Bombay surprised me!
I made great friends who didn’t judge me for my looks. Still, whenever people asked me about my lip, even out of concern, I’d lie. For the longest time, I told people that I’d fallen down the stairs and hurt my lip as a kid.
I only first spoke about it after college ended. I’d joined a dance group and 3 years ago, on Women’s Day, I put out a lyrical dance video of myself stating for the first time ever–I was born this way!
The love I received was overwhelming. A stranger commented, ‘This is the most beautiful shade of skin I’ve ever seen.’ It was the confidence boost I needed. And once confidence came in, self-love followed!
Initially, I used to be wary of the way I looked, of being on stage and of facing the camera. But today, I’m a professional dancer; I love the camera and I’m the heroine of my own film.
When people talk about my skin, I call it chocolatey and if someone asks about my lip, I say, ‘I’m Harry Potter–my scar’s on the lip!’
It’s simple-the way you talk to yourself is how you teach others to talk to you!”
