Chapter - 6
After returning from Bharuch, all my wounds were healed. I was feeling healthy in the changed environment. The holidays were also about to end.
I resume my school and memoires memories of yesterdays also revived.. Ananya's words kept echoing in my ears.
"I am not your lover!"
I was completely ignorant of the ways of the world. My father hadn't taught me anything either. Whatever I had learned, I had learned from Ananya. She had played a role of teacher unknowingly in my life. I had brought this to her kind attentionbut she did not accept and reverted immediately.
"Who am I to teach anyone? Whatever I have learnt, the credit goes to Divyesh. He is truly my guru."
But what he had done repeating his behavior with Ananya, disturbed me at larger extent. Ananya too did not tolerate his pulling her saree worst than me. about it.
It was a crucial year for my studies. I was in SSC (10th grade). The semester exams were approaching. I passed them successfully. Until then, everything was going well.
But after that, I fell ill. Typhoid caught me for more than a month..I was completely bed ridden for a month and a half.
During those days, Ananya's memories once again enveloped me.
Thoughts of suicide also crept into my mind. The idea of dying haunted me every moment.
'I am committing suicide.' I had even written a letter to my father.
At that time, I remembered something Ananya had told me.
She had narrated the entire story of the film 'Sujata' to me.
Sujata was an untouchable girl. Everyone stayed away from her. Nobody loved her. This was eating her heart..In this state of mind, she sets out to commit suicide in a torrential downpour.
On the way, her eyes fall on a statue of the revered Mahatma Gandhi. A message was inscribed below it:
"How to die? Never by committing suicide. If necessary, die to live."
( मरे कैसे आत्महत्या कर के कभी नहीं, आवश्यकता हो तो जिंदा रहने के लिये मरे )
This opened her eyes, and she had dropped the idea of killing herself..
Memoirs of this incident from the film and I scolded my self to think about suicide.
Many questions had arisen in my mind.
What wrong had my family done to me? Everyone loved me. Why punish them unnecessarily? How much shock would they suffer because of my death?
I had brought the bottle of poison to my lips. But thinking about all the members of my family, threw the bottle of poison into the trash can.
And I said good by to the idea of sucide.
There were only a few days left of school. During those days, I felt a kind of infatuation for my friend's sister. I liked her. I wanted to talk to her.
During those days, I watched a film. The heroine of the film 'Mere Mehboob' and that girl's hairstyle were attracting me towards her. But I hadn't done anything except staring at her face.
I told Shyam about it.
To him It was the effect of watching the films
"This is happening because you're watching films. Stop watching films."
After listening to him, I didn't watch any films for three months.
There were two months left until the SSC exams. I forgot everything else and became busy with my studies.
In our generation, I was the first boy to reach this stage. My parents were very proud of this.
When the time came, I took the exams and passed. My father was very happy to hear this. He gifted me a wristwatch.
I wanted to continue my studies. My father came to the college to get me admitted. There, I saw the same face that I had seen as the supervisor in the examination hall.
When I told my father, he revealed:
"Son, this is your mother's cousin."
I was very happy to meet him.
Because of him, my admission went smoothly.
And I started going to college for my studies. This was a completely new environment for me. Here, boys and girls sat and studied together.
Manish, who lived in the building next to mine, became my first friend.
Our English professor was very beautiful. I learned some important information about her... she was the wife of Moti Sagar, the nephew of the well-known character actor Moti Lal, and she had a daughter who was a playback singer.
In college, boys and girls sat together and talked. I also got acquainted with some girls and started having conversations with them. -
There were two months left until the SSC (Secondary School Certificate) exams. I had forgotten everything else and was completely engrossed in my studies.
I was the first boy in our generation to reach this stage. My parents were very proud of me.
I took the exam when the time came and passed. My father was very happy to hear this. He gifted me a wristwatch.
I wanted to continue my studies. My father went to the college to get me admitted. There, I saw the same face that had been the supervisor in the examination hall.
When I told my father about it, he revealed,
"Son, he is your mother's cousin."
I was very happy to meet him.
Because of him, my admission went smoothly.
And I started going to college for my studies.
It was a completely new environment for me. Here, boys and girls sat together and studied.
Manish, who lived in the building next to mine, became my first friend
In college, boys and girls sat together and talked. I also became acquainted with some girls. We even started talking to each other. The experience with Ananya had given me a strange habit. I had become accustomed to considering every girl as my sister.
My other friends were also surprised by this.
I was weak in my studies. I had only managed to get passing marks in the SSC exams. Yet, some girls considered me a scholar.
This didn't make sense to me.
I had also been impressed by and attracted to some girls. But I couldn't do anything about it.
The first girl I was attracted to was named Aruna. She looked exactly like Waheeda Rehman. I could have pursued a relationship with her. But she was always seen with a boy. A friend of mine knew that boy. He told me:
"They are engaged."
On hearing this, my desire to pursue her was extinguished.
But fate played a cruel joke on her. The boy was the president of the 'Student Association,' and he died in a scooter accident a few days later. They were not related to me in any way, yet I felt very sorry for them in this situation.
A condolence meeting was organized for him in the college hall. At that time, I became quite unwell. My friends were all surprised to see this.
At that moment, a question arose in my mind:
"Did that boy lose his life because of me?" What better proof could there be of how delicate and sensitive I was?!
000000000 (to be continued)
