Conflict of Emotions
(The emotional conflict of a girl towards her to be born sibling)
By
Kotra Siva Rama Krishna
Chandana nodded her head and Sirisha resumed her walking towards her destination. But when Sirisha went into the teachers’ room, science teacher was not there and the peon there told her that she went to talk with headmistress and she could take her lunch there and wait for her. It was uncomfortable to Sirisha to take her lunch in that room but as she did not know when the science teacher would come, she came back to the class room, took her lunch box to there, has her lunch and started waiting for science teacher. It was a room for all the teachers to take their lunch and be rested. More than half an hour has taken to the science teacher to come there.
“I just wanted to ask you Sirisha what is the reason for your dismal performance in your science unit test.” It was just as expected by Sirisha, science teacher asked that question while looking straight into her face. “If it is only in my subject I may take it as a mistake but your performance was just like that in all the other subjects also, I came to know from other teachers. You are a very intelligent girl and this type of disappointing performance is very first time from your side. We are all having very high hopes on you. I want to know what is the reason for it and why could not you write those examinations better?”
“I am in a little problem teacher so I could not write better the unit test exams.” Sirisha rehearsed this answer many times as she expected this question. “But that problem is going to be solved on this day itself and I shall be my usual in my studies.”
“It is very much surprising! As you are in a problem that you could not write the exams better! What type of a problem that a tenth class student does have restraining her from giving her best performance in the exams?” science teacher knitted her brows together.
Sirisha expected this question also but however much thought she did not know what to say to this.
“I am thinking that we have that much of intimacy between us both and that you can say this to me. If you are thinking it is something that you cannot share with me, you may go away but I talk with your parents.” Breaking the few seconds’ ensued silence, the science teacher said.
“No teacher, it is not so.” Sirisha said hastily. “But I just don’t know how to say this to you.” Sirisha’s face was filled with absolute uneasiness.
“Say it in the way you can.” Science teacher’s voice was firm. “But if you go away from here without saying it, I shall talk to your parents.”
“My mom is pregnant. She is going to give birth to a sibling to me. That thing upset me a lot so I could not write the unit test examinations better.” As if she could not say it in her usual way, Sirisha said it fast. “But that problem is going to be solved on this day.”
“It is not unusual moms become pregnant.” With a surprising expression in her face science teacher said. “But how that matter upsets you?”
“How my dad can expend money for my medicine study if he has to look after another child also? So I became upset and started feeling uneasy. So I could not write my unit test examinations better teacher.” Sirisha did not want to say to her teacher that she did not like either a brother or sister sharing everything of her.
“Did your dad say to you that he cannot meet the expenditure of your medical studies after having another child to him?” science teacher knitted her brows together.
“No, of course.” Sirisha nodded her head in negation. “He said that he can make me doctor even after he has another child.” Sirisha did not like to put in the exact way what her dad said.
“I know about your family Sirisha. Your dad can make you a doctor easily while meeting the expenditure of another child also. Anyhow even after an assurance from your dad also why you felt uneasy and spoiled your examinations?”
“My dad said it only after my writing those examinations.” Sighing heavily Sirisha said. “Now I am feeling quite comfortable and easy teacher. I can manage my studies and exams just in the usual way.”
“Then there is no problem! As it is early, if you do concentrate and study from now on, you can get the best rank in the final exams and keep our school’s name. Don’t forget to share if you do face any problem whatever sort that is. You may go now.”
“Just a moment!” Sirisha once again sighed heavily, relaxed herself and about to come away from that room but once again heard her science teacher like that and turned back.
“What month of pregnancy your mom is carrying on now?” once again with knitted brows looking straight into her face, the science teacher asked her.
“I don’t know about the month teacher but it is not advanced. I came to know about it from my mom only one month or so back.” Once again feeling uneasily Sirisha said.
“Then why did you say that your problem is going to be solved on this day? I just cannot understand!” the expression in the face of her science teacher then was confusion. “It takes eight months or so to her to deliver the baby.”
“Teacher, I just don’t know..........” Sirisha just then realised that she has slipped that dangerous piece of information also at her science teacher. Her heart once again filled with complete uneasiness which was reflected in her face also.
“Tell me dear what is going to happen? How you can say it like that?” the serious expression and knitted brows were just like that in the science teacher’s face as if she could guess what was going to happen.
“She is going to have an abortion teacher.” With a small voice Sirisha said.
“Why it is so? Did doctors say she should not have that pregnancy as the child has some problem?” science teacher asked. “Otherwise no couple do like to lose their child.”
“No, teacher. It is not so.” With the same small voice and with the same uneasiness Sirisha said.
“Then what really made her took that decision? So far I can understand your dad also has no objection to that.”
“I demanded her for that.” Sirisha did not know how she said it like that. “I asked her to abort her pregnancy. Only for me both my parents agreed for this abortion.”
“My god! Sirisha what you are talking?” with a sudden shock filled face, the science teacher got off from the chair she sat. “You demanded your mom to get abortion of her pregnancy and she is going to lose it only for you!”
“Yes, teacher! You are right.” Sirisha hung her head.
“Why did you demand your mom so Sirisha? Tell me why did you do it?”
“I just don’t want to have a sibling teacher. I just cannot bear to share anything of me with anyone whether it is a brother or sister. So I demanded my mom to abort her pregnancy and she yielded to it.” the vehemence in the voice of her science teacher made Sirisha also give answer in such a vehement way.
“For the first time I am feeling hate on you Sirisha. How the bloody hell you can think like that? Just because of your selfishness you are going to become a murderess you know! Just because of you, your mom is going to let the child in her womb be killed.”
Her science teacher was talking with the same vehemence and it was scorching the heart of Sirisha. Murderess! She was the murderess because she was the reason for the abortion of her mom’s pregnancy. But it was the doctor who was going to kill it not her. If it was not allowable at all, why a doctor would agree to it?
“I have three sisters and one brother Sirisha, whether you believe it or not. Our family is not a wealthy family like yours. But I never have felt like you. I always feel so happy with my sisters and brother. I just cannot say how much we have enjoyed in our childhood and we still enjoy like that together. None of us do feel the others are sharing the things of us. In fact we all do feel so happy to give our things, or share our things with our siblings. You are feeling like this just to share yours with one other sibling? I just cannot understand what type of a girl you are!”
Sirisha was dumbfounded on hearing that so and she did not know what to say.
“If you know the happiness in sharing, you never would think like that. That too sharing the things with your own siblings gives you just joy. A sibling from your parents is a gift to you Sirisha, not a competitor for anything of you. I don’t like your way of thinking at all.”
Sirisha just remained silent as her mind has become numb and she was feeling her legs might turn into jelly and at any moment she would tumble down on the floor there.
“If it is not possible to your dad to look after your medicine expenditure with another child to him, then forget your aim to become a doctor. There is no loss to anyone. But don’t make your parents to lose their precious child just because of your nonsense thinking.”
There was absolute silence and uneasiness on the part of Sirisha. She was waiting eagerly to get that session to come to an end and to go away from that room.
“For god’s sake don’t become a murderess! Stop your mom from having that abortion. You can go now.”
After hearing that, Sirisha did not know how she has come out of that room.
&&&
It was only in the playing hour that Sirisha and Chandana have got an opportunity to talk and it was the last hour of the class on that day. Sirisha was so much intent to tell the new developments in the matter of her mom’s pregnancy but before she said anything, Chandana said “I need to say something to you.”
“Do that fast. I also have to talk with you.” Sighing heavily Chandana said. She did not even try to guess what Chandana was going to say as she was completely disturbed with what that science teacher has said. Still she was not hundred percent against her mom’s decision to get an abortion of her pregnancy and she was hoping that Chandana certainly would feel happy and support her for that.
“I am sorry. I am sorry that I should not have given an advice like that to you.” From the beginning they met on that day Sirisha was seeing a regretful expression in her face which was perplexing to her.
“What advice you should not have given to me?” Sirisha did not remember any other advice that Chandana has given to her except for the abortion of her mom.
“I should not have given the suggestion to you to make your mom agree to abortion. I just don’t know how I have become that much foolish and gave that suggestion to you.”
It shocked Chandna and she could not understand why her friend was talking like that. “What’s your wrong in that? As I was completely against an incoming sibling, you gave that suggestion to me.”
“It is not just so. It is I who made you completely against that rather than making you understand how wrong to think so. Moreover I did a grave mistake by giving you advice to demand your mom for an abortion.”
“I always think on my own before taking a decision Chandana. I did not ask my mom just because you advised me so. I also have thought that is the best thing not to have a brother or sister so I demanded my mom and ultimately she yielded to that.” Sirisha said.
“What’s the bloody thing you are saying your mom yielded to that?” with a shocking expression Sirisha asked her. “Did she agree to the abortion then?”
(I hope that you enjoyed this story upto here. I publish the next chapter as soon as possible. Please don’t forget to rate and review this story)
