Conflict of Emotions
(The emotional conflict of a girl towards her to be born sibling)
By
Kotra Siva Rama Krishna
Still Mamatha’s happiness towards her brother was very much puzzling to Sirisha and she looked at the three months’ aged small baby in the cradle. While she was looking at the baby with small mouth, active eyes and black dense hair, she felt something deep which she could not explain to herself. For a moment she felt there was no surprise in Mamatha’s feeling happy at her little brother. If she let her mom to continue with her pregnancy, she too would have a little beautiful brother or sister like him in future.
“In fact I want a sister to play with me. But it really does not matter whether it is a sister or brother. A brother also can play with me and spend time with me just like a sister.” While looking at her brother with the same love and affection on her face Mamatha said. She was very much protective towards him and was not leaving him even for a moment.
Sirisha did not forget about the brother of Mamatha even after she reached home. In the night of that day she got a dream. In that dream her mom got her abortion. After that a baby just like the baby she saw at Mamatha’s house yelled loudly while weeping ‘You killed me. You killed me. You are a murderess. You are a murderess.”
Sirisha woke up and sat straight on the bed. She started feeling very much bad and for a moment she thought to go to her mom and tell her not to get abortion. But with effort she diverted her mind from that thought. Once her parents also agreed to it, it would be just foolishness to ask her mom to change her decision. With no siblings she could spend her whole life just in the same with her parents. She once again laid on her back, turned on the right side and tried to sleep but her sleeping then was fitful.
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Chandana’s family could not reach her home as they expected and it became eight in the night by the time they settled in the house.
“I have missed to go to Mamatha’s party in the evening. I have promised her to attend it.” once her parents and she settled in the hall in chairs, Chandana said.
“If we have delayed like this to come to home, it was not your mistake.” Her dad Madhukar said. “Anyhow is it is her birthday?”
“No of course.” With a smile on her lips Chandana said. “This birthday was for her little brother who took birth just three months back and they named him on this day. And you know one thing!” Chandana paused a little. “Mamatha herself selected the name for her brother.”
“It is indeed beautiful! But she has a brother now?” with little frowns on her forehead Madhukar asked her.
“Yes, there is more than fourteen years age gap between them both. But still she is feeling so much happy for him. She said her mom promised to give her a sibling when she was three years old and only now it has become possible to her to give her a brother. But the delay did not make any difference to her and she is just very much joyous now also.” Chandana said.
“Why it should make any difference? With however much age gap a brother is a brother. How nice it is to have an own sibling whether it is brother or sister! Your friend is very much lucky.” Her mom Sameera said.
“I also share the same opinion.” Her dad Madhukar said.
“But it is not so at all to my friend Sirisha.” with gathered frowns Chandana said. “Her mom also became pregnant and Sirisha all the time is just feeling hate towards her incoming sibling. She cannot feel even a little love and affection on it.”
“Why it is so?” Sameera knitted her brows with surprise, first looked into her daughter’s face, then into the face of her husband there also and then again into the face of Chandana. There was the same sort of expression in the face of Madhukar also.
“She is feeling fear that she has to share everything of her with her sibling and she does not like it. Another fear of her is; that her dad cannot expend money for her medicine studies if he has to look after another child of him also.”
“Absurd thinking! There is no loss even she does not become a doctor. Having a sibling, a blood relation like that is a great thing! Take her to me and I brainwash her and made her understood how worst she is thinking.”
“She went to that extent to demand her mom to abort her pregnancy. For the last few days she has not been with good terms with her mom. There is a cold war going in their home.” Her face was filled with uneasiness when she thought her demand like that was because of her advice.
“Then what you are doing despite being a good friend of her? Why did not you say to her in how much wrong way she is thinking? As her best friend, is it is not your responsibility to change her mindset?” looking straight into the face of her daughter Sameera demanded.
“But mom, it is at my instance she asked like that to her mom! It is I who suggested her to demand her mom to get an abortion!” now Chandana’s face was filled with a fearful expression thinking how her mom’s reaction would be to that but she did not know why could not remain without saying that.
“You scoundrel! Do you know what you did?” her mom’s reaction to that was as she feared, she yelled, came fast to her daughter and slapped on her right cheek with her right hand with all her might. “Why the bloody hell you got an idea like that? Why did you want to give an advice like that to her?”
“She does not like at all to share her things with a sibling and feeling fear that she cannot become a doctor if she has a sibling also. So I advised her like that.” She could not tell her mom that she advised her so because of her envy feeling also towards her.
“Rascal! Rascal!” her mom tried to slap her again but her dad came near to her and stopped her.
“She did a mistake yes. But she did it without thinking much. It is better to make amends to it rather than beating our daughter like this.” He said.
With effort her mom controlled herself and said looking into her dad’s face “You are right” and then she looked into the face of Chandana again. “I already told you before that killing a baby in the womb is equal to killing a person outside. If that girl forces her mom to get an abortion she would become a murderess and you are an accomplice to that murderess. An accomplice to the murderess is no less than a murderess. If her mom got her pregnancy aborted due to the demand of blasted friend of yours, you may not be punished by court but you have to live all your life with a guilty feeling that you caused the murder of a baby, can you bear it?”
“No mom. Absolutely no.” Nodding her head vigorously Chandana said trying herself not to burst into weeping.
“Then make your friend understand how nastily she is thinking and that much of selfishness is not excusable at all. As it is you who has given such a suggestion to her, it is your responsibility to make her to take back that demand. You must do this without much delay before she makes her mom do that ghastly thing.”
“Alright mom. I talk with her on tomorrow itself and make her understand this point. I make her withdraw her demand to her mom to abort her pregnancy.” With firmness in her voice Chandana said.
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“Darling it is going to be done on the evening of this day. Dad comes in the afternoon and takes me to the hospital. I would not be at home by the time you come, so you keep the spare keys of the house with you.”
When she heard like that from her mom, Sirisha felt a deep pang in her heart and when she looked into the face of her mom while she was taking those keys, she understood her mom was very much struggling to keep a plain expression on her face.
“I need to take rest for few days. After that everything will be okay. We do live in just the usual way.” Sanjana hugged her daughter and kissed on her both cheeks. Sirisha tried to look into her face again but she did not give her a chance to that and went into the kitchen.
Feeling uneasily, Sirisha unzipped the last pocket of her school big, put the keys in it and zipped it again before coming out of that house. She started trying to lessen her uneasiness but the more she tried to reduce it the more it has become. Her mom has become ready to do something which she did not like at all only for her. She could understand her mom was struggling and worrying a lot to do that thing. In fact her both parents did not like it at all and wanted to have that child but she knew it was her mom who was worrying a lot about it. But they both ultimately agreed to forsake it only for her satisfaction! Because of her stubbornness! Why could not she think about her parents, particularly for her mom, atleast for a moment?
Sirisha tried hard and diverted her thinking but immediately Mamatha and her brother were surfaced in her mind. Mamatha might not have a big aim to become a doctor but she also would have some goal for herself. It would be difficult to her parents also to look after her with another child of them. Moreover her family was not as much richer as Sirisha’s family. But Mamatha was feeling so much happy to have a brother like that. Why could not she think as Mamatha was thinking even after her dad assured her that there would be no problem to her to study medicine and he could afford to look after even ten children?
“It seems you have no concentration on whatever is going on.” Sirisha indeed startled when she heard it so from her science teacher looking at her as she was full of disturbing thinking until that moment and could not concentrate on anything. “I have to go suddenly to my home yesterday. Come to the teachers’ room in the lunch hour. I need to have some conversation with you.”
Feeling uneasily what explanation she has to give for her dismal performance in her science exam to her science teacher, Sirisha started moving towards teachers’ room in the lunch hour but she stopped hearing Chandana’s voice from behind. They could not talk much at all from the moment they came to the school as the teachers came into the classes without giving break in the middle.
“I need to talk to you, where you are going?” Chandana came near to her and asked.
“Science teacher wants to talk with me........” Sighing heavily Sirisha said “.........once I finish with it we both can talk.”
(I hope that you enjoyed this story upto here. I publish the next chapter as soon as possible. Please don’t forget to rate and review this story)
