Disturbed
(An investigative, romantic and psychological thriller)
By
Kotra Siva Rama Krishna
“I once again brutally raped on yesterday night.” With as much calmness as possible I am saying to Viola. “Please don’t try to say the usual thing to me that it is all just my imagination.”
“It is my fault that I did not sleep with you on yesterday.” A frown gathered on the forehead of Viola. “If I were with you, you would not have such an experience at all.”
“My god! No one can help me in this regard. I have to suffer myself in this way I think.” Hissing out heavily I said.
Viola came near to me and put her hand on my shoulder. “I am sorry that I cannot be much help to you till now. From now on I shall take your problem very seriously. To make you get rid of these experiences is my main concern now.”
I am looking into the eyes of Viola and there is only concern towards me. I know Viola always worries only about me. I can understand her approach towards me also. There is no surprise in her thinking that I have been imagining all that. If I were in Viola’s place I too would have taken it only like that.
“I do hypnotize you Dazzle. I give suggestions to you not to have these types of experiences in future. I think programming through hypnotism would be quite helpful to you.”
“I have no objection whatsoever to that.”
There is silence again and I am saying again after few seconds pause. “I am suffering from a serious psychological disorder, am not I?” looking into Viola’s face I have asked her.
“I agree that you are suffering from some psychological disorder. But it is not serious as you are thinking.”
“Anyhow I am suffering from a psychological disorder.”
“I must say the truth to you Dazzle. Yes, you are suffering from some psychological disorder. But it is quite trivial and can be easily curable.”
“Then why did not you start something to cure me from it?”
“I am sorry Dazzle. I should have started that a long time back itself. Now I don’t delay it any more. We are going to start this from this day itself. At night, before you go into sleep, I hypnotize you and program you not to have any these types of experiences again.”
“Is hypnotism sure would be helpful to me in this regard?”
“I am quite confident Dazzle. It works. I used it on many of my patients and it always gave me good result. In your regard also it sure works. Just give me a chance.”
“Take as many chances as you want but just save me from these horrifying and terrific experiences. I don’t like these anymore.” My heart is cringing while I am thinking about the experiences I have.
“In fact it is my thoughts troubling me more than the experiences. I am having trouble by these experiences only while I am having them. But these thoughts are troubling me always. I just cannot understand how I can escape from these thoughts.”
“Dazzle” there is a sort of firmness in Viola’s voice. “You have to understand the nature of your mind first. Then only it is possible to escape from the wrath of the thoughts.”
“I am suffering from thoughts, not the mind.” I am irritating while hearing her words.
“What is mind if it is not thoughts? Did not you hear ever that mind is nothing but a bundle of thoughts?”
“What that means?” suddenly interest picked in me on what Viola is saying.
“If there are no thoughts, there is no mind. If you can control your thoughts, you are in fact controlling your mind.”
“When there are no thoughts, there is no mind. Then what is really in existence?”
“It is really very difficult to answer. It has only to be experienced, it cannot be said in words. First make yourself ‘nil mind’ and then see what remains.”
“It is really very much interesting to think what remains when there are no thoughts.” I thoughtfully said. I am really thinking what would be there when there are no thoughts at all.
“In fact every day in deep sleep you experience a state without mind, that means without thoughts. What you are experiencing then?”
“Experience in deep sleep? What we can experience while we are in deep sleep? Nothing. No experience whatsoever.”
“How do you feel when someone disturbs you while you are in deep sleep?”
“Very much irritated. I never want to come out of deep sleep state. It is so good to have.”
“Then how you can say you are not experiencing anything while you are in deep sleep?”
“Yes, you are right. I experience bliss and joy in deep sleep.”
“So deep sleep is not a nil state. It is not a state without any experience either. It is a state where you can enjoy complete bliss.”
“You are right.” I nodded my head seeing the logic in what Viola said.
“Yes, where we are now?” looking into my eyes Viola asked me.
“What that means? We are in my home.” Smiling I said.
“I want to know why and how this topic ‘mind thinking’ started between us.” With a little irritation Viola asked me.
“Oh, that is.” I nodded my head and said. “You are telling me that I have to understand the mind, that is my thoughts.”
“Yes, thoughts. Very crucial point.” I am observing the silence again waiting to hear what Viola is going to say. “Thoughts are like street dogs Dazzle. If you try to run away from them they chase you and tear you apart. In the same way if you try to go into them, the same situation arises. The only way to treat the street dogs is just ignore them. Don’t try to run away from them or don’t try to go onto them.
In the same way don’t try to escape yourself from your thoughts. At the same time don’t try to observe your thoughts and analyze them. Just leave them on their way. Let them linger in your mind as long as they want. If you remember one thing these thoughts don’t disturb you anymore. That is whatever the thoughts may be, they cannot do any harm to you. There is going to be no loss whatsoever to you by thoughts. They just come and go in you just like the clouds in the sky.”
“It is not as much easier as you are talking about it.” I am angrily saying. “You have said all this in the past also I think. I have tried to practice it too. But it did not work that much then.”
Viola laughed and said. “It needs practice Dazzle. You cannot get the result of it on the first day itself.”
“Oh, my god. It is really very typical to understand.” I am still feeling angry.
“It is not typical to understand. It is not typical to practice either. But it appears typical to understand and practice.”
“You may be right. I do try to practice it from now on.” After hearing that all I came to a settlement.
“May I also come with you on this day to the office?” Slitting her eyes Viola asked me.
“With pleasure. I indeed enjoy your company in the office.”
&&&
“This is Nova. My newly appointed Secretary.” I am saying to Viola while showing Nova to her. “Very efficient and I am very much satisfied with her.”
“How do you do, Mrs.Nova?” Viola with a smile asked her. I am seeing some interest in Viola while observing Nova. There is no surprise. So far the things she has heard about her created such an interest on her.
“She is my childhood friend Viola. She is a famous psychologist also. I like and love her a lot.” Introducing Viola to Nova I said.
“It is really very nice to meet you madam.” Nova said. “It is even more interesting to me to know that you are a psychologist. I am very much interested in psychology.”
“Psychology is a very very interesting subject to me also. That is why I preferred to study psychology.” Viola said.
“To that matter I am also very much interested in psychology. But because of my businesses I have to shift myself to business administration.”
There is few seconds’ silence. “I am very much pleased that our Dazzle is feeling so good with you Nova. In fact my friend suffered a lot with the erstwhile secretary. She has resigned herself from the job and went away. Otherwise she would have to remove her from the job.”
I don’t like Viola’s broaching about my old secretary.
“I am happy that madam is liking me much. In fact I am not doing anything extraordinary here. To be frank the help and cooperation I am having here is very nice indeed. Especially that George also is helping me a lot in carrying out my duties.” Nova’s cheeks blushed with shame as Viola is praising her.
“Yes, George. George is indeed a gentleman. I also like that man a lot. He is a linchpin to us. Without him our businesses are never going to be like this.”
I am listening whatever Viola is saying about George. It is surprising to me. I know Viola does not like George much. I think she does not like much the way George threatened and irritated my father. I also used to have some antagonism towards George until recently. But now I am feeling only love towards him. The irony is I myself cannot understand why I am feeling like that towards George.
“I am also heard about him so madam.”
“Who else said about George like this Nova?” with a frown I asked her.
“One or two employees here told me about him so madam. How efficient he is, how educated and intelligent he is…..”
“Its alright. That is enough.” I turned my head towards the entrance hearing the voice of George. George came inside of my room and listening what we are saying and there is a smile on his lips.
“Oh, George! I am very happy seeing you again.” Viola exclaimed while looking at him. “It is indeed a long time that we both are meeting each other.”
“You are right. That is only because we both have become busy in our respective fields.”
“I agree with you.” Viola nodded her head.
“Madam if you permit me I go down and put myself into work. There is lot of work I need to look after on this day.” Nova said with a smile on her lips.
“With pleasure Nova. Please go and put yourself in whatever you have to do.”
Then Nova silently left that place.
“It is really very difficult to think that she is a psychological patient.” Looking at the way she has gone I said.
“All the psychological patients don’t appear to us as they are suffering from a psychological problem.” Viola said. “Anyhow it is difficult to know that she is suffering psychologically. She is of course appearing quite normal.”
“I found her talking with her late husband on two occasions.” I reclined in my chair and breathed deeply. Viola and George sat opposite to me and in between us there is a table.
“Yes, you said about that.” Viola nodded her head. “How long back he died?”
“Two years back or so I think. I cannot remember exactly how long back.”
“There are so many young women whose husbands are late. Why all of them don’t imagine like this?”George asked.
“You are talking peculiarly George. Why all women whose husbands are late imagine like that? This is wrong phrasing. You have to change the question as why some women whose husbands are late imagine like this.” Viola said.
“I think it is only Nova who is imagining in this way. I never have heard a case this type of before.” George said.
“You may not but there are people who do imagine themselves that they are dealing with dead people.” Viola said.
“Why so? Why do people subject themselves to such type of hallucinations?” George looking into the face of Viola asked this question.
(I hope that you enjoyed upto here. I shall publish the next chapter as soon as possible. Please don’t forget to rate and review.)
