Disturbed
(An investigative, romantic and psychological thriller)
By
Kotra Siva Rama Krishna
I am feeling happy and elated now. I entered into my home again and am walking through it. My aunt came across me and I stopped and am looking into her eyes.
“How is your day in the office?” she asked with a smile.
“Just great!” I am telling her. “I have got a wonderful secretary also to help me.”
“It is indeed good news. We hope this girl would not be like the old one.”
“She would not be. Moreover she is not a girl but a woman. Aged twenty nine years, married, having two kids but lost her husband two years back.”
“Oh, my god! I feel sorry for her. At such a young age it should not have happened like that.” There is an instant sorrow expression on the face of my aunt.
“My feeling was also exactly the same when I heard that news.” I am saying. “But I think just one or two days back you have said to me, that we have to accept the inevitabilities.”
“You are right. I said it and you quite carefully remembered that.” My aunt is smiling.
“Then we may have to take this also as an inevitability.”
“You are right once again.”
I hissed out heavily and am saying. “I do go, take a bath and sleep. I am feeling exhausted.” And turned back and am walking towards my room. I have an attached bathroom in my room.
“Just do that. I take your dinner into your room itself.”
“Don’t trouble yourself. Send it with someone else.”
“Taking dinner to my daughter is never going to be a burden to me.”
I just don’t know what to say but what my aunt said moved my heart. I am continuing walking towards my bedroom but stopped and turned back. My aunt is still there looking at me.
“Aunt, how the death of the husband of a twenty eight years old young lady is an inevitability? What would be the loss if he lives? Who gets benefits if he dies?” I know my aunt is not an encyclopedia knowing answers to all the questions but I cannot remain without asking this question.
“We just cannot question the god’s acts my child. All the god’s actions are inevitable.”
I have expected this from her. Without saying anything more I turned back and am walking again. I heard my aunt’s saying on the back of me.
“Almighty is always great.”
&&&
I am completely naked in my bathroom. As I have not had that experience again in the bathroom, I stopped feeling fear and started enjoying my bath as usual. With a smile on my lips I am looking at my naked body in the life size mirror fixed in the bathroom. My body is always an interesting thing to me and I never get bore in examining myself in the mirror.
For a moment I concentrated myself on my boobs. My god! They are appearing enormous! Even they are that much big why I am not feeling burdensome? All naked, with the small black color nipples on them, they are appearing quite beautiful. I took my left breast into my right hand and right breast into my left hand and squeezed them gently. I felt good and pride. A small smile climbed onto my lips.
But the thing, my beauty and my body are not untouched! I have not spent a moralistic and disciplined life. May be my father never trying to put me under strict discipline and my aunt however much realistically she managed as my mother also followed my dad’s way have been the reasons for my spoiling myself. Thank god! I never gave myself to drinking or drugs. But when it comes to sex, I enjoyed it with more than one man and on more than one occasion. Why this sexual urge is sometimes so high in me, I cannot understand. Even more ironical thing in this is, I have got into that pleasure world at my very early age itself, even before I became a woman! I am now involuntarily remembering the guys with whom I have it and how I have it also.
I hissed out heavily and turned the shower on. Cold water started pouring all over my body. I closed my eyes and opened my mouth while the water is finding ways everywhere in my body. I took the soap nearby and started the ceremony of rubbing my body with it singing a song myself. As I am making my body soapy the water that is flowing on my body is washing it away. I always like taking bath like this.
“You are still remembering all that, are not you?”
The same voice, the voice of Nathaniel Zimbra, after a very long time I have heard again. He was the person who did that to me for the first time. He is the first person who cruised all over my body and enjoyed all my body parts without any discrimination. He is the first person who taught me what sex is, and how sex is. He is the first person who showed me how the heaven is! Even before I became a woman and just having twelve years or so of age!
Even I have heard his voice like this in my bathroom, I have not felt otherwise in normal circumstances. But that Nathaniel died a long time back! I just cannot say now how much I was shocked when I know he was dead.
I cannot say what was last in between us both. But we have explored each other’s bodies for maximum. We have had a lot of intimacy between us both. We could not be lovers but all the time we were good friends and enjoyed each other’s body.
How, how once again I heard his voice like this? This is the second bizarre experience I am having in the bathroom. If it is the only experience I have got in the bath room on this day, I would not have felt much. I simply can take it as my imagination. But coupled with the previous days experience, I am feeling so much of fear. Why I am imagining things like these? I am questioning myself. I stopped myself for a moment what I am doing and started thinking. Is it is just imagination? It is not appearing like that at all. I have heard his voice so clear. His voice was exactly like this.
Anyhow I am started shampooing and there is no mood to me now to enjoy bathing. I quickly completed my bathing. Even more hurriedly I started toweling myself and suddenly I am feeling awkward to be naked like that. I did not take the dress into the bathroom to wear so I have to go into the bedroom to select one from the wardrobe. I dashed out of the bathroom into my bedroom and ran towards the wardrobe and hurriedly opened that. I looked at the several night dresses there and hurriedly pulled out a nightgown from it and slipped myself into that, closed the wardrobe again and tossed myself onto the bed.
Then once again the thoughts mercilessly started invading on me. So much disturbing and uncomfortable thoughts. Nathaniel! After such a long time!
“I know. Viola told me about that.” I still can remember the conversation that went in between us on that day.
“What she told you?” there was a mischievous smile on his lips.
“A man needs to do that….to a woman ….to make a baby in her womb.”
“Yes…..sex…..” he said with the same mischievous smile on his lips some more.
Even in this fear and uncomfortable feeling also, I am feeling thrill. I am still feeling how he gained on me and did that to me. My god!
Nathaniel Zimbra! He is the son of my father’s friend. In those days he quite often came to our house and stayed in our house. Just like Viola he also knew many a thing about the forbidden knowledge.
“Nathaniel died.”
I was shocked on hearing it on that day. I just could not digest that then at all. He was barely eighteen years or so old!
“In a motor accident. He drove his motorbike rashly and negligently and hit a divider. Just like your mother. Both the accidents are just the same and alike.”
My mother also died in the same way! By hitting the divider! Drove rashly and negligently! My mother drove the car rashly and negligently, hit a divider and died on the spot. Did not she remember me at all? Could not she be little careful?
“I just don’t know how to condole John. Nathaniel is the only son to him. Why this youth would not prefer to be careful?”
Why the mothers would not be careful thinking about their babies in the home? My mother certainly was not careless or negligent. She just did not know driving completely by that time, I consoled myself then and now also thinking like that.
I did not see the Nathaniel’s dead body. Even there was huge sex between us, we were not lovers. We just enjoyed the game and we became great friends. His death like that shook me all over then. I just could not digest that at all for weeks together.
“I am also feeling in the same way you are feeling.” Viola said on one day. “But what would be the use in worrying ourselves like this?”
“But he is terribly young! Just eighteen years old! Just two or three years or so older to me. He did not deserve this even a little bit.”
“I agree.” Viola nodded her head. “I think you both have spent enough time together.” Looking meaningfully into my face Viola said.
I knew my cheeks were terribly blushed on hearing that. I could understand what Viola meant by saying that.
How much time it took to him to die after the accident? How much he had suffered? Accidents. How much dreadful and terrific they are! How nice it is if there are no motor vehicles at all. My mother also would have been alive now if there are no motor vehicles.
I don’t want any of these thoughts and I don’t know how to escape from them either. I remembered what Viola often says to me to deal with unnecessary thoughts and I practiced that also and could get success to some extent. But now it seems no technique can be helpful or useful to me. I sat straight as I just cannot lie like that for long.
Then my cell phone draws my attention. There is Viola’s picture. I am feeling so happy seeing Viola calling me. Why did not I get the idea to call Viola and talk with her? It would be indeed a great idea to escape from these terrific thoughts.
“Viola” I almost yelled with happiness.
“Why, it is I.” I am hearing her beautiful laughter. “You sound completely different. What happened Dazzle?”
“Nothing happened. I am in fine fettle.” I am trying to sound normal and jubilant to her.
“I don’t believe it.” Viola sounds doubtful. “Don’t forget that I am having a psychic link with you and can know everything about you.”
“Then tell me what exactly happened to me and what exactly I am feeling now?”
“I did not make that much deep into you yet.” There is a pause “But sure I make deep and full psychic connection with you and know everything about you.”
“Please do it like that. I shall feel more secure then.”
“That means you are feeling not secured now. Why it is so?” I am seeing the gathered frowns on her forehead.
“Oh, my god!” I am feeling helpless. Viola doesn’t leave me easily. She is too much concerned about me.
“I said just casually. I am feeling wonderful and don’t worry about me.”
There is some silence and I don’t know what to talk with her then. I am feeling tempted to say everything to Viola. But I don’t want to disturb her unnecessarily while she is such far away from me now.
(I hope that you enjoyed upto here. I shall publish the next chapter as soon as possible. Please don’t forget to rate and review.)
