Disturbed
(An investigative, romantic and psychological thriller)
By
Kotra Siva Rama Krishna
“It is the mind that does the subconscious thinking. It is the same mind that does the conscious thinking. All the thinking does by only one thing, that is mind.”
“Is the mind different from thinking whether it is subconscious or conscious?”
“Wonderful question!” Viola laughed once again. “There is no mind without thoughts. If there is no thinking there is no mind.”
“What is present then when there is no mind or no thoughts? Nothing, nil, emptiness?”
“Simply you, nothing but you do present if mind becomes non-existent.”
It seems that we have reached an important answer to a question that I am troubling to get till the moment.
“I present when there is no mind at all? Is it is true? Am I having an existence without the mind also?”
“Sure you do have. I can prove in other way also that you are present when there is no mind.” She is now looking into my face and there is a pause. “Are there any thoughts while you are in deep sleep?”
“No, thoughts, feelings or imaginations. Not even a trace of them.”
“Then can you say you are not at all present in deep sleep?”
“Why no. I am present all the time. I think that I am present while I am sleeping deeply also.”
“But how do you present then? In which way? In which form?”
It is quite perplexing to me. I cannot think any more on that.
“See, that is why I have said to you don’t trouble yourself thinking what you are. You are there when there is mind and when there is no mind also. But you are there in such a way that cannot be defined. The real you is cannot be grasped by your mind. You are beyond your senses.”
It appears I understood some even not much. “Then?”
“Where we are? What is the main thing we are discussing now? I have forgotten about that.”
“We are discussing about why I have got such a strange and peculiar dream.”
“Are you convinced by now that you are not the mind, your mind is different from you and sometimes it thinks peculiarly and strangely?”
“We are discussing about my dream. Not thinking.”
“I said to you dreaming is nothing but our subconscious thinking.”
“Alright.” I am feeling exhausted to argue more. “So what?”
“In fact you are troubling yourself to know why your subconscious mind thought like that and created a dream like that.”
“You are right.” I nodded my head.
“Just stop that for the present. I am not going to say there is no reason why your subconscious mind dreamt like that. But I have to study oneirology also to explain about your dream.”
“What is this oneirology?” for the first time I have heard that.
“It is studying of dreams.”
“I never have heard about this. Please study it. Atleast to analyze my dream.”
“Alright, I do try.” Viola once again laughed and said. “But without studying that oneirology also, I can say one thing, there is no necessity to feel fear about your dream. Dreams may be in any way they want. Our mind can dream in many peculiar ways. Just stop worrying about the dream.”
“Alright, if you say so I shall try not to worry about my dream.” I nodded my head.
“But I am thinking about your experience in bathroom and near the fridge. Why did you have experienced it like this?”
“You may better answer that question for me. I just don’t know why I have experienced it like that. I just cannot take it as my imagination.”
“Are you sober in all respects while you were experienced that?”
“What do you mean? That I sleep while bathing and drinking?” I am feeling angry.
“Don’t get angry. That is what troubling me more. Why did you have experienced like that while you were completely sober?”
“You are asking the same question again and again to me which is supposed to be answered by you.” My irritation became more.
Viola deeply breathed and remained silent for few seconds. “I shall be with you Dazzle. I shall be with you as long as possible. We do see whether you will have these types of experiences in future also. If you experienced like this again and again then I shall think what to do with it.”
“Is it is something dangerous? Experiences like these indicate anything dangerous present in me?” I think I asked that question but I cannot remain without asking that again.
“Not of course. Don’t feel fear. As long as I am with you I shall see that there would be no danger to you.” She put her right hand on my right shoulder and squeezed there. There is a look of assurance in her face.
I hugged Viola strongly and kissed on her cheek. “You are my courage. You are my hope.”
“Just like you are to me all the time.” Viola too put her hands around me and hugged me strongly.
&&&
I am feeling so happy and it is 8 in the morning. I am just preparing myself to go to the office. Viola’s staying with me is giving me lot of happiness and joy. I want Viola to stay like this all the time with me. One day completely passed after Viola entered into my home and I have not had any bad experiences so far.
As I am completely involved in my happy mood my cell phone started ringing taking me to the world around. I took it reluctantly into my hand and the number is a new one. I am thinking whether to take the phone call or not. But suddenly there is an urge in me to take that call so I attended that.
“Hello.”
The other person introduced himself to me. He is a friend to me in overseas. In fact he is not that much big of a friend to me and I cannot understand why he is phoning to me now.
“Alright, is there anything you want to say now?” I asked him once he finished with his introduction.
I paralyzed after hearing what he has said. I just cannot believe what I have heard. He is still saying something but that is not registering in my mind.
“Is it is true?” without bothering what he is still saying I have asked him.
“Hundred percent true. I send a video also to you. It confirms that to you hundred percent.”
I am having a fainting feeling. I have heard a sound as my cell phone dropped from my hand and hit the floor. I am also about to fall on the floor but someone hold me in her hands strongly.
“Dazzle, what happened?” I am hearing Viola’s voice faintly. I have lost my ability to think. Why I have been hit by that news that much I cannot understand.
“Take me into that sofa and put me there. I tell you then.” I have to put all my effort to say that.
Now I am walking slowly to the sofa while Viola is helping me. I slumped myself on the sofa with the help of Viola.
I heard Viola yelling loudly for servant maids and many of them came running to that place. I am hearing Viola is ordering for some drink to bring for me.
Within seconds some drink is put at my lips and I understood that it is milk mixed with Horlicks.
“Drink this.” Viola said, it is like an order.
“No, I cannot drink anything now.” I am quite reluctant to drink that. I can feel happy in this state rather than drinking that milk with whatever it may be mixed.
“Just do what I say.” Viola put that glass with force into my mouth and I just have to obey. I am feeling angry for Viola’s adamancy. Once the drink is finished Viola put it aside.
“How you are feeling now?” looking into my face with lot of concern Viola asked me.
“Terrible. Who has given you the authority to make me drink that formidable thing?” I angrily asked.
“I thought you need strength. So I have to make you drink like that. I am sorry. I too cannot feel much good drinking such things.” Viola said.
“Alright.” I nodded my head helplessly.
“Now tell me what happened?”
“Oh, the news! I am really feeling surprise why I have felt that much hearing that. In fact it is good riddance for me.”
“First tell me what that news is?”
“Chuck died.” I said with a small voice.
“What!” Viola yelled as soon as she heard. “Is it is true?” there is an immediate change of expression in her face.
“I asked the same question to that person who conveyed that news to me. He said it is true. Chuck Watson died last night exactly at 12-15 with heart attack.”
“Heart attack just at thirty five years of age! I cannot believe it at all.”
“I too can’t. He said that he sent some video. Take my cell phone and see in it. There may be a video also of Chuck Watson in it.”
One of the servants already took the cell phone from where it has fallen and put it near to me on the sofa. Viola took it into her hand and went through the videos sent.
“Here it is.” Opening a video she said.
There is Chuck Watson with lot of people around him. Among them there is one doctor also.
“He died with heart attack. It is very first time to him.” he is saying to the people around.
There is no need to doubt now. Chuck Watson died. There is no necessity to feel for him either. In fact I have forgotten about him completely.
“Are not you feeling anything at all for Chuck?” Viola’s face is distorted. It appears that she is feeling too much for Chuck.
“Why do I have to feel about him?”
“You both were great lovers at one time.”
“You are saying yourself that it is at one time. Not now. There is no relationship between us now. There is no feeling in me for him. I think it is the same for him also.”
“But……….” Viola is really troubling a lot.
“Why you are worrying about him this much I cannot understand. It is quite sorrowful that he died like this at thirty five years of age itself. There is nothing more than that we need to worry about in it.”
“Did he call you at all recently?” Viola asked me as if she did not hear at all what I have said to her.
“Yes….he called me…...” Now I am remembering. Chuck called me sometimes recently.
“What he talked with you then?” Viola questioned me again.
“What he talked with me?” I closed my eyes and am trying to remember. But it has become too difficult to me to concentrate on that. I just cannot remember anything what he talked with me. Surprising! “I just cannot remember what he talked with me. I have talked with him number of times. Just out of pity but nothing else. If I am having any other feeling on him I could not talk at all. But I cannot remember anything that he has talked with me.”
“Alright, don’t trouble yourself much about that.” Viola suggested.
“First tell me this. Why did you have asked me whether he phoned to me recently?”
“Chuck phoned to me and told me that he is feeling too much for you. He just cannot bear that you severed your connection like that with him. I myself suggested to him to phone to you and talk with you.”
“I see.” I nodded my head. “I did not feel anything in particular towards that Chuck even after talking with him so. No anger and no love. That much I can say for sure. Once I came to know that he concealed the fact that he was already married I lost all my interest on him.”
“But he is divorced. He is no more living with his wife.”
“He is no more on the earth now.” I smiled.
(I hope that you enjoyed upto here. I shall publish the next chapter as soon as possible. Please don’t forget to rate and review.)
