An untellable secret
(Some secrets may better remain secrets for ever)
Kotra Siva Rama Krishna
“When Nirupama comes to her home from her aunt’s house?”
Immediately there was a frown on the face of Nirmala. There was some uneasiness in it. It was understood by them that there was some inner struggle in her.
“You are going to answer my question. When Nirupama comes here?”
“Nirupama never can come here.” Nirmala said with a small voice.
“But why?”
The air there filled with tension. Smaran, Ranganath, Sukanya and Menaka were waiting eagerly for the answer.
“Nirupama was dead. How a dead girl come back to her home again?”
Smaran at once straightened himself. They four looked into each other’s faces.
Smaran bend himself and looked into her face again “But you are always saying that Nirupama is at her aunt’s house. Why?”
There was no answer from Nirmala.
“Sometimes you are behaving as if Nirupama is in this house itself. Why?”
Again there was no answer from her.
“You are going to answer my questions. You do answer these. You like it.”
“Because I like doing it so. I don’t like thinking my daughter is dead.” Nirmala started weeping. If Ranganath has not been warned sternly before not to make any disturbance, he would have disturbed with Nirmala in the equal measure. It became unbearable to him watching his wife emotionally broke out so.
“Alright…Alright….Just control yourself….don’t weep…” Smaran said.
Still tears were flowing down on the cheeks of Nirmala.
“Now you are relaxed …. Relaxed completely……You are forgetting your worries………. Becoming your usual self………” Smaran hastily said.
There was a dramatic change in Nirmala when Smaran said like that.
After some painful and tensioned silence, Smaran asked again. “Why your daughter died?”
There was no answer from Nirmala.
“Is someone killed her?”
“No, no one killed my daughter.” The immediate response from Nirmala startled the people assembled there.
“Then why your daughter died?”
Nirmala remained silent.
“You answer my question. You cannot remain without answering my question.”
“My daughter committed suicide.”
The environment there became even more heavy. Everyone there was feeling unbearable tension.
“Why your daughter committed suicide?”
All of them started waiting again with bated breath to hear her answer.
There was uneasiness clouded in the face of Nirmala again. The struggle inside of her became intensive.
“You are going to answer my question. Why your daughter committed suicide?” cajoling her, in a soothing tone Smaran asked her.
“She heard our conversation.” Nirmala said with a small voice barely audible to the audience there.
“What conversation?......... which conversation?” Smaran asked her.
“The conversation between me and Niranjan.”
The eagerness in the people there increased to the maximum.
“What is that conversation? Why she had to commit suicide by hearing that?”
There was silence again but it was more painful than before.
“You love to answer my question…… you cannot remain…………”
“I asked Niranjan to go away from this town…..and asked him not to come here ever.”
“But why? Why should he go away from here?”
“Nirupama’s eyes are just like the eyes of Niranjan. If one looks into the eyes of Niranjan and then into the eyes of Nirupama, one easily knows the similarity, the resemblance.”
“Why it is so? Why Nirupama’s eyes are just like the eyes of Niranjan?”
It was appeared to all of them that the puzzle was slowly being solved.
“He told me that he always put black spectacles and there would be no danger at all.” She said as if she did not hear the question asked.
“Why he has to put black spectacles always? What is the danger involved if he did not put the black spectacles?”
The unbearable silence took place again.
“You do answer my question….You get peace in answering my questions….”
“If he does not put the black spectacles….if one looks into the eyes of Nirupama and Niranjan….if they find the striking resemblance and similarity……” she paused again.
“Yes…tell me….what happens….what happens if anyone finds the striking resemblance and similarity between the eyes…..” Very carefully Smaran prompted her.
“They understand that Nirupama is Niranjan’s daughter.”
The air stilled there. All of them stopped thinking. Smaran straightened up and looked into the eyes of Ranganath.
Just in a single second, when Nirmala said the last sentence, Ranganath understood why his daughter committed suicide. By overhearing the conversation between Niranjan and his wife without their knowledge, his daughter very suddenly for the first time came to know the bitter and blatant truth. She just could not bear it. That unsavourable truth compelled her to commit suicide.
‘I want to pluck my eyes out’
Now every one of them there understood with crystal clarity why Nirupama wanted to pluck her eyes out. She did not like the similarity. She did not like the resemblance. She did not like and hated with her whole being the fact that she was the daughter of Niranjan.
‘I cannot bear this.’
What she could not bear? She could not bear the felling that she was the daughter of Niranjan. She felt guilty. She felt guilty towards Ranganath her own father. It was indeed the guilty feeling that she could not bear.
Suddenly there was a spasm in the body of Nirmala. There was froth drooling from the corners of her mouth and she had fallen from the bed onto the floor.
Ranganath immediately ran towards her, sat beside her and took her head into his lap.
“I am sorry Ranga. I am so sorry. My heartfelt apologies to you.”
“But for what? For what you have to feel sorry? For what your apologies to me?” Ranganath was weeping.
“For what? How good you are my husband? How you have been made this much good?” She was struggling to talk. “For the betrayal. For the infidelity. For ten years I did not have any children. I was confirmed that I could not have children through you. You cannot know how much I was obsessed with the idea of children. I had decided to get children even in an immoral way.”
“You did not do a mistake at all. There is no wrong at all in what you did. It was only because of my incapability to give children, you took a decision like that.”
“Niranjan too did not like this much. But I became mad for children. I compelled him to do that to me. I became pregnant through him.”
“Alright. Enough. Don’t talk.” Ranganath said.
“I must talk now Ranga. I know… how much….you are obsessed to know the truth. How much you became mad yourself thinking why our daughter committed suicide.”
The other three were listening eagerly while Ranganath weeping uncontrollably.
“We saw Nirupama at the last moment…..We have seen her moving quickly away from the window……….We understood that Nirupama listened the whole of our conversation and came to know the truth.” There were more spasms in her body
“But ………I did not expect ………..that she would commit suicide …………like that.”
Then Ranganath came into this world and started thinking about her wife’s sudden condition in a rational way.
“Why you are becoming like this? Why this foam from your mouth?” he asked her agitatedly.
“Niranjan phoned me …………and told me ……….what you are going to do. You have every right ……………….to know the truth Ranga.” Now she was gasping for her breath.
“Bloody hell with my rights and privileges.” He looked at the other three and said. “Please someone of you call the doctor. Something dangerous is happening to my wife.” He asked pleadingly.
Then only the other people realized the danger in the situation. Smaran took out his cell phone and started calling the doctor.
“There would be no use Ranga. I took very powerful poison. I am not going to live more than another few minutes.”
“No. My god no.” Ranganath yelled.
***
Niranjan leaned back in his chair. He did not wear his black spectacles then. He smiled in himself ruefully. ‘By this time they might have been known about that.’ He thought in himself. He tried to persuade Nirmala not to agree to that hypnotic session on that day. Not to reveal the truth to them. She did not agree. She said Ranga has a right to know the truth.
‘Yes, he has the right to know the truth.’ Niranjan thought.
‘And I need to be punished for my sinful act.’ His thinking continued. “I am sorry Niroo…Please excuse me my child….I created you and I destroyed you.”
He sat straight in his chair and closed his eyes. Then he suspended the thought. His mind became blank. Then he suspended his breath also. He was started experiencing something for the first time in his life. It was his death.
Epilogue
“Why did not I listen to you when you said that it is better I let that secret rest like that?” Ranganath moaned. “It claimed the lives of my wife and that Niranjan also.”
“Are not you feeling any anger either on your wife or on that Niranjan?” Smaran asked him.
“Why should I?” Ranganath retorted. “I know how much women like children. It is only because of my incapacity to give her children, she did it like that. Except that, she is always a very good wife to me. I still love her as I have loved her in all my life.”
“You are indeed great.”
Then in Smaran’s office besides Smaran and Ranganath, Menaka and her mother Madhuri, Sukanya and her mother Latha were also assembled.
“My sweet child. Why she did take such a drastic step? Why she subjected to a guilty feeling like that? Why did not she think how much I do love her and nothing in the entire universe can change that?”
Everyone was listening eagerly to him.
“Poor Niranjan. What is the mistake of him in it? He just helped to satisfy the uncontrollable desire of a woman to have a child.”
Every one of them knew nothing they do say would pacify him. It was only time that could get change in him. So they remained silent observing him just like that.
End
As you are here, I hope that you read the novel. Thank you very much that you preferred to read my novel. If you bother to rate it and write a review also, I shall be so much grateful and thankful to you.
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