HALF MOON
CHAPTER - 5
It was more than a week and there was no news from Mehar. Rajinder was not worried, he would seldom get worried but he wanted to know what was happening there. He knew he had been too harsh on Mehar but he had no other way out. This woman was so headstrong, if he did not keep her under constraints she would be soon out of his hands. She had a high opinion about herself and her family and thought that what she or her parents said was correct. They tend to forget that this was Dr. Rajinder Singh's house and she was his wife. She would have to live the life he had designed for her. And what he wanted he had already made clear to them.
Good! they had taken her with them and in this way they would understand what they think was not right. Rajinder was certain that when Mehar came back, she would have resigned to his wish and blissfully fulfill her wifely duties. He did miss her presence, which had left him on the mercy of Tarabai, an average cook and quite insufficient when there was no one around to guide her. Mehar's presence ensured that he was served decent meals at the right time. He missed her in bed too. Though he did not find her too enthusiastic there but this was fine with girls from decent families, they ought to be brought up like that only-submissive and not much demonstrative about their wishes, desires and pleasures.
In any case he had other ways of fulfilling his needs and those were more interesting. But the comfort of his own home and bed had got into him and he had begun to miss her. Many times he felt like calling her at her parent's home but then decided otherwise. He felt, that him making the first move would declare his defeat. This was something he could never digest. He was the man of the house and this has to be understood by one and all for once. He had not spoken to her since the day she had turned him down and slept in other room for the whole night. That insult was still pending with him. He was constantly bogged down with an urgent desire to kill the bird with one mighty hand. He was like a serpent waiting for its prey to come in its way, hissing and waiting.
About an hour ago his father-in-law had called to tell him that they had started from Ganga Nagar and by lunch time they would be with him. He knew this meant Mehar and him, so did not ask further questions and put down the receiver after saying a cursory Sat Sri Akaal and bye. Nevertheless he did not go anywhere, not even to hospital and after having his breakfast of paranthas and curd, sat in front of the television to watch Doordarshan's latest bandwagon of soaps, which were telecast on Sunday mornings.
It was nine in the morning and time for the telecast of the serial Mahabharata. As the music filled the room and logo appeared on screen, Tarabai who was clearing the dining table simply left it as it was, came in the living room and sat on floor in front of the television. These fifty minutes were her private ones, nobody and nothing could move her away from her designated pot. She would watch the drama with folded hands kept in her lap, would jump with joy whenever Panadvas' favors were served and would curse the moment Shakuni would walk in with his limp gait. She would watch each and every frame, listen to each and every word with such concentration that Mehar never did dare disturb her during this special time of hers. It was hers beyond doubt.
This morning though she sat there watching it, she was a little relaxed. She knew Mehar was returning today. She never really felt comfortable in Rajinder's presence. Firstly him being a man and secondly he always scoffed at her watching television. He did not like the idea of her sitting and sharing screen time with him. During Mehar's presence Tarabai had her silent moral support, but now for the last two weeks as she watched Mahabharata. with Rajinder sitting close by, she had felt uncomfortable all the time. He too would purposely make her get up many times during the telecast, either to get a glass of water or for some other errand. She by all means felt and understood his annoyance but stubbornly watched each and every episode without fail. Such was her devotion to the serial that when he demanded water she would rush to the kitchen, her eyes glued to the TV set and return swiftly.
Today's episode was about the time when Duryodhan had challenged Pandvas to play chausar with them and Shakuni through his treacherous tricks had defeated the Pandavas. This episode was being telecast for the last two weeks, and each time the blaring signature tune of Mahabharata filled drawing rooms across the length and breadth of country, roads would be deserted. The city, bigor
Small, would wear a blank look. Markets would not open before final tune of Mahabharata was telecast. So much so that, there were reports of people being mugged during this hour in some areas and that made people wary of coming out on the streets during this hour.
Rajinder had never really bothered to see this serial but when he discovered after two weeks that no patient would care to come to the hospital without watching Mahabharata, he too joined the bunch and so on got hooked onto it. Now he would watch it with the glee of a child. Today was the day. Both he and Tarabai sat glued in front of the idiot box and waited with baited breath for the drama to unfold. Everyone knew before hand that Shakuni would defeat them and Draupadi would be summoned to the court, but wanted to see the story unfold in front of their eyes by these characters with loads of make-up and costumes straight out of that era.
As the music faded the screen filled with the court room with a long shot of Duryodhan sitting at his throne, and others on each side, their bare chests adorned with gold leafed ornaments, head gears and pearl necklaces. Tarabai sat down with folded hands and wished Rajinder would let her enjoy her hour in peace. Music escalated and the sound of rattle snake mixed with the sound of beating dice made Shakuni's treachery more profound. He spoke those carefully worded dialogues and threw the dice with such deceitful delight that the audience felt their hearts in their mouths. They enjoyed his glistening eyes and merriment with the twist of his lean small frame as he threw the dice. However, majority of the people hated him more each time he threw them. Both Rajinder and Tarabai were engrossed in the play. Today Rajinder did not bother to send Tarabai even for a single time to fetch something and she felt grateful towards him.
After watching the Mahabharata Tarabai went into the kitchen to take care of the lunch. She was delighted that Mehar was returning that day and gloom sitting in the house for almost two weeks would be lifted. She had planned to prepare everything that Mehar preferred to eat for lunch -Gatte, bhindi and pea pulao with rotee. As she rolled gram flour for Gatte she heard the car horn, and leaving everything she rushed out to see both Mehar and Janab Singh walking into the living room. She, in her enthusiasm forgot about Rajinder, greeted both of them with folded hands and almost dragged Mehar to her bedroom. Once inside she inquired about Surjit and Ganga Nagar in general and finally when she understood
that Mehar was not in a mood to talk much she left her alone to attend to the preparation for lunch.
Mehar was sitting on her bed trying to recall all the moments she had spent in this house, her matrimonial home for almost six months by now. However much she tried, she could not remember any fond memories which she could cherish. She had come here after two weeks and was feeling completely out of place. She did not feel any sense of belonging to this place, in spite of the fact that the whole house, baring a few items, was done up by her. She had taken care of each and every detail while buying and getting everything for this house, right from furniture in the house to utensils in the kitchen and the paintings or pictures that hung on walls. Everything had her touch to it, yet she always felt a concrete sense of detachment.
Now here lying down on her side of the bed she looked around the room. It was a fairly sized room with one double bed at the center, two chairs and a small coffee table at the side. All was clean and uncluttered, thanks to Tarabai's deft fingers. Mehar did not like the food she cooked but the way she kept house always amazed her, immaculately clean and odorless. She felt at ease after a while and did not realize when she dozed off. She had gotten up at five in the morning, so that they could start from home before the clock struck six. It took them almost five hours to reach here. Though not tired physically she felt the need to rest before she could attend to her duties as the mistress of this house. Suddenly she heard Rajinder's voice and she woke up with a start.
Puzzled she looked up at him. He was standing beside the bed and there was a question in his eyes.
She asked, “What! did you say anything?”
“You have just reached here and you are already tired. I think you were not the one who drove that car of your father. He has a driver with him all the time.” Mockery was evident in his voice.
She chose to ignore it. “Yes, he has. I woke up early in the morning, so I am sleepy. I will be fine soon.”
“No problem, but when will you learn to get up early in the morning? You get up so late in the morning. You behave like a real memsahib.”
This time she could sense aggression but kept her cool.
All she could muster the courage to speak was, “I will try to, now onward.”
Rajinder had always seen different kinds of mornings in his domestic life. He had always been up at four in the morning all his life, would be through with his morning schedule before his first cup of tea. He always recited Japuji Sahib in the mornings and expected Mehar to join him. Mehar on the other hand had never been a morning person and whenever she tried to oblige him by getting up with him she would feel sick the whole day. Her head would spin and she felt nauseating resentment in her stomach. On such days she would go without any food through the day and eventually end up vomiting in the evenings.
Rajinder disliked her delicate disposition, he was used to be around tough and robust women in his family, physically and emotionally both. They were from peasant background and were able to handle hard manual work around the clock. His own mother would get up at three in the morning and begin her daily prayers of five paurhees of Japuji Sahib. An illiterate woman herself but she knew these by heart and would recite them, sitting in her cot, waiting for one of the daughters-in-law to bring to her the first cup of tea.
Usually all five of them would wake up on their own and if anyone did try to be a little lazy, her incessant battering would do the trick. She would be served piping hot tea in a small porcelain cup from a steel lota. Rajinder was used to such strong women and this delicate woman just out of her teens with issues on her mind did not suite his tastes much. He felt constantly bogged down by her queries and counter questions to his commands. She always wanted to know the reason for doing anything and this habit of hers irked him to a great extent.
This time he was in a good mood, she had returned after two weeks and without his asking for her to. He felt one up. Although he did manage to put up a brave front but deep inside he was a little perturbed about the way Mehar's father had taken her away and all those bitter conversations that had taken place between them. He was waiting nervously to face the music but this peaceful closure of the whole drama was what he was not expecting. He was a relieved man.
He sat beside her and took her in his arms. She was taken aback. She did not react initially but as his body's warmth entered into hers and his scent went up her nostrils, she felt something rising in her and was completely surprised by her own reaction. She felt her own arms closing around him and a deep sweet desire to have him rose in her sharply. Taking him by surprise her head fell on her pillow, he tightly clad by her arms, on her and a desperate desire to be kissed began to consume her. She held the back of his neck with her hands and began to kiss him madly. He responded but his acts were awkward. He was not able to keep pace with her fiery arousal. Oblivious of his discomfort she was soon charged beyond her own control and his imagination.
In their marriage of six months this was the first occasion that she took the reins in her hands. She asked him to put the latch on the door of the bedroom and by the time he returned she was completely undressed. This was the first time he had seen her in complete nudity. His gaze began from her neck, long shapely ending in slender and curvaceous shoulders with blades protruding prominently, breast taught and still not formed fully with nipples erect, sand watch shaped waist ending again with protruding pelvic bones. Long shapely legs shaking with intense desire she waited till he came closer and once again taking him with her, she fell on the bed. By this time his sudden discomposure was gone and he too was burning with desire to be quenched and soon both were immersed in each other fully occupied in the act of lovemaking.
As he lay on bed exhausted, exhilarated and worried; a deep sensation of something lost, something gone out of his control overcame him. He was not able to pinpoint it. He was used to her indifferent approach towards lovemaking and was content with it as it did not make him aware about her sensuality. But today as he felt her burning acceptance of him as her sex partner, her body completely immersed in sensual pleasure, her demanding and having orgasm as her right awoke unforeseen worries in him. He was lost in this maze of accepted social code of conduct between a married couple and the forbidden pleasures he was used to during his working hours earlier as an intern and now as a full time practitioner. Those were hastily stolen moments always loaded with concerns that somebody might be privy to those. And some of the pleasure from these acts of sexual gratification was always taken off.
Earlier when Mehar would grudgingly give in to his demand he invariably felt elated and satisfied with himself. But today he was satisfied physically but deep inside his core he was perturbed by the fact that she too was rising to understand the facts of life and will be demanding her share during her future endeavors. This took him off the guard. What if one day he was not able to rise up to her desires and demands? He felt a creeping feeling of defeat but shrugged this thought out of his mind. He got up from the bed, put on his clothes and before Mehar came out of the bathroom, he left the room closing the door behind him. Thus closing any possibility of some show of affection after lovemaking which Mehar was looking forward to.
Mehar came out clad in her bath gown to see him gone and was disheartened. Elation she had felt today on account of her first ever sexual gratification she had felt was gone in an instant. She felt a guilt deep inside her, she felt cheated. She felt as if some insidious animal in the garb of her lover had claimed her and she enjoyed him. But now she felt like throwing up the whole experience out of her body and soul. Bile rose up sharply from her stomach into her mouth. She rushed inside the bathroom again and puked.
She came back, lay down on her bed and was soon lulled to a disturbed sleep. Her stomach was growling and she was constantly feeling the urge to puke again but somehow was able to control it. Tarabai came to call her for lunch as all were sitting at the table but when she found her asleep she did not feel like disturbing her. She silently closed the door again and left to tend to other members of the family. Janab Singh inquired about Mehar from Tarabai and when she replied that she was asleep he did not speak further. Rajinder did not show any concern and that worried Janab Singh a little but he was determined to stay away from Rajinder and Mehar's personal matters, so tried to shrug this too away from his mind.
After lunch Janab Singh retired to the guest room for a much needed siesta, whereas Rajinder stayed back in the living room and sat in front of television. He turned it on but all it had on the screen was the UGC program about electrical capacitors. He tried to watch it for five minutes and then turned it off. He did not know what to do. He wanted to have some rest but was feeling reluctant to face Mehar. He went out in the front veranda but came back soon as it was middle of the day and quite hot outside. Then he took out a book from his bookshelf but could not concentrate on it. He was
Visibly disturbed. Generally in such a situation he would speak out aloud, command and put forward his demands. But today he could not. He even took a round of the kitchen taking Tarabai by surprise who by now through with all her morning duties and after finishing her lunch was lying down on a mat spread on dining area's floor. He immediately took a u-turn and absent minded entered his bedroom.
Mehar was awake now and lying on her back was staring at the ceiling with vacant eyes. He did not see any resemblance in her manner of the person he had encountered about two hours earlier. Her face was pale and he could see beads of perspiration on her forehead. He felt concerned for her and asked her if she was well. She replied in affirmation without giving him a single stance. He lay down on his side of the double bed and was about to close his eyes when he heard those strange words in Mehar's voice. He heard those words correct but could not fathom the true meaning of those simple three words said in her plain soft distinct voice. She had a feminine yet strongly metallic voice and her accent was always immaculate. This would invariably instill discomfort and fear in Rajinder, who had been to a government school in his village and later too did not have much opportunity to improve upon his vocal abilities. This time he was startled by what he heard. He opened his eyes, and turned towards her. She was in the same position, staring hard at the ceiling with her arms by her side.
He got up and sat on the bed.
“What did you say?” he almost stammered.
“I am pregnant.” Mehar's words fell in the still air of the room like a cold stone.
“And you are telling me now?” He blurted out. He knew he did not want to sound like he had been hurt or disappointed, in fact, he felt elated. His subdued mood since afternoon had lifted up within a moment but accepting this would have been another defeat for him so he continued with his present mannerism. “I mean when did you come to know?”
“Last week.”she was still in the same state of mind, not aware of his smile or a sudden change in his tone.
“Did you get the test done? Who did it?”
Mehar told him in plain words about the test and all relevant details he wanted to know. He lay down again feeling light at heart and this time closer to Mehar. He was about to embrace her when she got up and sat on the side of the bed while trying to put on her slippers.
He could not refrain himself from asking, “Where are you going?”
“I am hungry. I want to eat something.” saying this and not waiting for his reply she left the room.
He had no choice but to try to wait for an hour or so of little sleep to make him fresh again for the evening round of hospital. This piece of information had made him excited but he was surprised by her indifference towards it. He was certain that his father-in-law too was aware of this fact and he was more surprised by not feeling any happiness in his behavior too. Rajinder felt strange about this family. He thought to himself that these people do not feel pleasure over things they should and keep cringing to things which he finds of no importance.
He felt certain that since this pregnancy would hamper Mehar from pursuing her studies further and then having a career neither she nor her father was happy about it.
He failed to understand her reluctant acceptance of this new responsibility with some undercurrent of joy in her. Her sudden acceptance of him, her sharing of raw pleasure with him as his partner was crying out loud that she had accepted her condition and was ready to face further challenges of life, which were thrown her way. He felt she might want to abort this child and would insist on doing her post graduation unhindered and he felt more determined now that he would not let that happen.
But now he decided to play it safe with a cool mind. He decided to wait till Janab Singh had gone back. He had told him during lunch that he will be leaving first thing next morning.
Night passed without any event. Next morning, after Janab Singh’s departure, Rajinder got ready to leave for the hospital.
Mehar told him to wait as she too was getting ready to go with him. He was startled. He had not expected this to be so soon. He felt certain that she wanted to see a gynecologist about her abortion.
He immediately retorted “But why? Why do you want to come with me?”
“Because I need to see a gynecologist here too. Dr. Mehta had asked me to. She said that since I am too young for pregnancy, I must take care and see a gynecologist at regular intervals.” Her manner was straight, with no emotion, beyond her nineteen years.
Once more Rajinder was speechless. He was at a complete loss of words. He did not know how to react. He simply nodded, sat down on sofa and waited for her to get ready to come along with him.
All through their way to the hospital both were silent. Mehar immersed in her thoughts clutching her handbag which had her pregnancy report and some other small items including the money her father had given her before they had left Ganga Nagar for Bikaner. It was a fair amount and was meant for her personal usage. Surjit had asked her to deposit it in her account and use it whenever required. Surjit had always been very wise with money matters and wanted to instill same values in Mehar too. Mehar like her father had very leisurely attitude towards financial matters, she never thought twice before spending, though her spending sprees were limited, she was not very fond of shopping and indulging in too many dresses too was not her forte. All she spent her money was on books or an occasional expensive pair of shoes she might fancy during her rare visits to market. She decided to deposit money in bank on her way back to home and told Rajinder so. He agreed to take her to the bank later.
Rajinder was still going through process of groping with her behavior of now. He had expected some outbreak of emotions, accusations being hurled at him for being irresponsible for making her pregnant so soon. He was at a complete loss of words and was not able to understand how to react to this. He expected some harsh words from Surjit. Her absence made it certain to him that she was annoyed by this new development and was more than relieved by the fact that she chose to stay away from him.
After Dr. Suchitra had examined Mehar, given her instructions and the much needed advice on how to conduct herself keeping in mind her age, Rajinder took her to his department in the hospital. This was the first time she was visiting the operation theater of any hospital. They took the staircase to the first floor. They came across the door marked OT. The door opened to a small corridor full of
shoes on the right hand side rack and bathroom slippers of all sizes but of same make and color on the left hand side of the rack. Racks were fixed to walls. Since the lights too were mounted on the same wall, the racks obstructed the light from coming down and made this corridor like room quite gloomy. They took off their shoes, Rajinder instructed her to put on a pair of slippers from the other rack and they walked in. The slippers in her feet were loose and they flip flopped, a sound she hated very much.
Once inside she felt a murmur spread along the various rooms on both sides of the corridor and saw many faces looking at her with inquisitive but unobtrusive eyes. She liked it. Those subtle stares made her feel special and at the same time did not cause any discomfort. She felt a warm feeling surging inside her being. She realized that Rajinder was liked by almost all his colleagues and his professional expertise too was spoken about well by them. She felt good about it.
He made her sit in his little chamber, dimly lit with a small table and four chairs, smelling of formaldehyde. She later came to know the names of these drugs as she would hear the names during her routine at home, when patients would visit home before or after the surgery was accomplished. Rajinder would talk about them and their treatment in detail with her. This was the only subject he could discuss with her with full command over it and it made him feel comfortable, whereas she on account of her inquisitive nature wanted to know more and more of anything and everything which came her way.
While sitting here waiting for a cup of tea as he had promised to send, she tried to look around to see something of her interest. The Table had one BP instrument with a tall mercury barometer like tube attached to it, a kidney tray filled with gauge pieces,some glass wiles filled with liquids she did not know the names of. This room too was as gloomy as the front room filled with slippers was. She had begun to feel uncomfortable when she felt the rustle of starched clothes behind her. Her back was towards the door of room. She had to move her head almost by sixty degrees to see who had come when she heard in chaste Punjabi,“Jee aaiyaan noo madam” which simply meant “welcome madam.”
She was at a loss of words. She was well conversant in Punjabi but this kind of formal speech was beyond her. She did not know
How to reply and what words to use. She tried to be as friendly as possible by extending her hand and said, “Sat Sri Akaal” and immediately realized her folly. She was supposed to fold her hands and not to extend them for a handshake. She withdrew it and folded hands in greeting to the lady standing in front of her. Her white uniform looked very graceful on her, she was tall with a broad frame, thick legs and equally thick accented voice. She came closer and sat down on the chair next to her. Her large eyes were trying to examine her from head to toe. Mehar felt uncomfortable under her searching eye. She introduced herself.
“My name is Harvinder. I am the head nurse here. I assist Sir. I mean Rajinder Sir.”
Mehar smiled, “nice to meet you, Harvinder.”
After that, there was some causal talk between the two but Mehar could not feel comfortable in her presence. She wished to be taken to some other place and expressed her desire to see the operation theater, if she could. Harvinder obliged happily and the duo took a round of the theater and Mehar had a chance to meet almost everyone from Rajinder's department. She knew almost all of them by now and was delighted to see them there in their working environment, wearing masks and surgery gowns. All she could see was smiling eyes when they greeted her and then the mask would come down and they would express happiness over seeing her there as a visitor. She too wished she would never have to come to this place for any other purpose. But as soon as this thought came, the other one followed and she had mixed feelings about her pregnancy.
On their way back Rajinder took her to his bank and made her deposit the money in a joint account he had opened recently. Every time Mehar had some spare money he would suggest her to deposit in that account and Mehar did without giving the matter another thought.
Day of the interview came and went. Mehar had forgotten about it completely and Rajinder kept a vigilant silence over it. He was expecting some backlash, some melodrama, some bitterness, but the day passed without any single event. Rajinder still had to learn a lot about Mehar. She was a very passionate person but once she chose not to follow something, she had the capability of complete detachment without any remorse.
As the days turned into weeks and weeks into months Mehar's body began to show changes gradually. First her face filled and then her torso and then finally the baby bump began to show and announce to the whole world that she was to blessed with a new life–God's greatest creation, a new human being in the tiniest form with full and complete characteristics of a human-being. The days he felt the baby move inside her she was moved with emotions she had never felt before. She kept waiting for more and whenever it happened she would call whoever was near her and ask the person to put their hand on her big belly and feel the movements. Mostly the beneficiary was Tarabai, who would tell her many stories about her own pregnancy and subsequently a difficult childbirth. This scared Mehar but she kept a brave front and never let anyone feel that she had any apprehensions about the possibility of a complicated childbirth.
Rajinder was a completely perplexed man these days. He had never expected Mehar to be so easily accepting such huge changes in her life. The same girl who had been visibly deeply hurt by his not letting her pursue her post graduation was so gracefully turning into a mother-to-be and that too without any usual complaints almost all women do in such a situation, was astonishing to him. He was in awe of her. They would talk more now to each other and were opening up like any normal married couple but the duo would seldom talk about her pregnancy.
There was no show of emotions between the two about the baby's arrival. Mehar's opening up to her sensuality which Rajinder experienced during her early days of pregnancy were gone. She now showed no interest in bed and Rajinder too had become conscious of her physical state. Mehar had reached her ninth month of pregnancy, heavy, would find difficult to move around. Although the doctor had advised her to go for daily walks but she rarely moved out of home. Surjit had told her that she should not worry about the clothes and other things for the baby, so Mehar had absolutely no reason to go anywhere.
The day she was expected to deliver the baby too came and went by, nothing happened. Her doctor waited for two more days and then she was admitted in the hospital and a manual separation of membranes was performed by doctor to induce labor, but in vain. Then she was put on labor inducing drugs and yet no results proved fruitful. It seemed the baby was not willing to face this
Chaotic world on her own. Finally the morning she was to undergo cesarean section, her waters broke exactly an hour prior to that and she entered the labor room to produce a baby boy six hours later.
The first cry she heard made her forget the ordeal she had been through for the last ten months. Everything she had gone through, right from the matrimonial rape to the murder of her dreams of higher studies till the last one week's acute physical pressures, all seemed like a huge garbage bag she had been carrying over her soul for little reason so far. The doctor was considerate, she did not want to perform surgery on her young body and was pleased that she delivered naturally. She showed her the baby yet unwashed, crying out loud, umbilical cord intact. In spite of the acute labor pains she had just endeavored and uneasiness of her posture, she felt goose pimples all over her body, her heart missed many a beats to see that little creature so full of life and she almost cried with delight. With eyes filled with tears, she touched the baby's very warm torso but they immediately took him away to be kept in the nursery.
The next few months were like whirlwind. She had no time to think of anything else but the baby. She was completely immersed in her new role of a mother and whatever little proximity which had developed between her and Rajinder during the last one year was lost again. Rajinder was on his own once again. Not that he minded it much.
He felt that a man's true place was outside the four walls of home and there at his work place he had acquired a comfortable place for himself. As an anesthesiologist he was fairly successful and patients from rural areas always flocked around him. He knew their concerns and spoke their language and that was a major positive factor in his favor. His private practice was increasing many folds with every passing day and he was full of his own glory.
He would spend little time at home. His day generally began around seven in the morning. By this time he would be up, have his morning bath and perform path. His morning cup of tea was invariably provided by Tarabai. Mehar by that time would still be in her bed. Their son Ranjit was almost a year old and slept through the night peacefully. He had taken after his mother and would get up quite late in the mornings. The days Rajinder was at home in mornings it irked him to no extent. He would accuse Mehar of not
instilling good habits in him, Mehar would feel guilty and try to wake up the little child while her own body would silently rebel against the ritualistic action.
It was another such day. Mehar had been up early and had been trying to keep pace with Rajinder's routine. Both of them had taken their bath and before having their breakfast he asked her to recite Japuji Sahib. She told him that she did not know the path by heart and she could not read Gurmukhi script. Rajinder was shocked to know this. He could understand that since she had not been reciting path regularly she may not be able to know it by heart but not knowing the script was almost unforgivable for him.
These days their life had taken a beautiful turn. He was happy with this peaceful family life and so was Mehar. Their conjugal life too was quite normal like any other married couple. Though Mehar sometimes felt in her heart that she was missing out on something, but was not able to put her finger on that. Ranjit was a beautiful cuddly mischievous toddler, always on the go. Mehar had no time to think of her plans of further studies and a career, although she did miss her friends and social life. Rajinder had limited social life. He loved to be among his people. Most of his evenings he would spend sitting in his examination room, just outside their living room and chat with patients and their relatives who would come from rural areas around Bikaner and Ganga Nagar. Even when their professional talk was over he would ask them to stay back and they too loved his hospitality.
There was very little time left for Rajinder to spend inside the house and later when Mehar would think about those days she realized that this was one of the reasons their marriage survived that long, for there was nothing much in the two to hold them together. Less they knew about each other, less the interaction, lesser were the chances of complete disillusionment on her part and disappointment on his part. Ranjit was growing up with the passage of time.
During interaction with him they would end up spending more time with each other and were opening up splits between them.
But on that particular day Rajinder was upset.. .He was not able to digest this fact that Mehar did not know a word of Gurmukhi. He had been thinking the whole day and his whole existence refused to digest this. He remained in a foul mood, scolded Mehar for no
reason, slapped Ranjit for shouting and even had a round of heated discussion with one of his patients, a relative who had come from his own village for treatment and wanted him to come with him to surgeon's house.
Ranjit was an anesthesiologist and generally people who came for surgery had to come to him after they had been examined by a surgeon. After the surgeon would decide on the surgery to be performed, area and time, the patient would be sent to the anesthesiologist. Rajinder would examine the patients' parameters like blood pressure, sugar levels and any other ailment if there was to be taken care of. And after he gave his green signal that the patient was fit for administering anesthesia would the surgeon give a date for surgery. And here lay the catch. In addition to the hospital fees and medicine expenses, patients were required to pay some fee to the surgeon and the anesthesiologist although both posts were deriving non practicing allowance from the government it was general practice and patients too knew that if they did not pay this, they would have to face many hassles like postponement of surgery, lack of attention by the doctors and the paramedic staff. That meant extra stress to patient as well as extra financial burden as they would have to stay more days in the city.
Mehar had been a privy to all this by now and sometimes really felt bad when she would see those people with very little on themselves trying to dole out money for luxuries of doctors who in any case were drawing satisfactory salaries from government treasuries and expensive gifts from pharmaceutical companies. She had by now come to know of some intensive care medicine, pain management, emergency medicine on her tips. She even had a little knowledge of some basic anesthetic drugs like Xylocaine, Lignocaine and Morphine. These were local anesthetic drugs.
Rajinder had even told her about the procedure required for general anesthesia, about the ventilator respirator and mixers etc.
Mehar started taking more interest in his patients and came closer to some of them. She would talk to them about their ailment, treatment, procedures performed during treatment and their financial condition. Many of these patients would leave their belongings in her outside veranda for safekeeping, as they did not have any other safe place to keep those. This practice irked Mehar to some extent but whenever she objected Rajinder would silence her
Saying it was none of her business as she did not have to take care of anything. She later realized what Rajinder did was right. What she saw one day made her realize her folly. She was so shocked that she could not eat properly for many days.
She was in the examination room looking for some medicine for Tarabai who had complained of a stomach ache. Mehar asked Rajinder on phone and he told her to give Tarabai one capsule of Pentocid for quick relief. He explained that the strip could be found in one of his examination room's shelves filled with sample medicines gifted by the medical representatives of pharmaceutical companies. She was rummaging through a shelf when she saw him opening his bundle of cloth outside in the veranda. It was beyond the wire net fixed in the window and this being day time she could see him but he could not see her looking at him outside.
This was Rajaram, farm help from Rajinder's village home. He had brought his wife for treatment of tuberculosis and she was admitted in the tuberculosis hospital as her condition was not very good. Moreover as an inpatient she could receive free food and medicine from the hospital. Now Rajaram was on his own and was allowed to see her only during visiting hours. Mehar knew that he spent whole day in veranda, slept in examination room at night and used the bathroom on the roof. But what she saw today she could not believe her eyes. He opened his dirty bundle of cloth and wrapped inside were some thick round chapatees. He took two of them, folded in a paper, tied the bundle again and kept it on the shelf above his head. He was about to leave when Mehar suddenly woke up from her reverie and darted towards door. She opened the door hurriedly and stopped him midway.
Being a very outspoken person Rajaram had earlier tried to be friendly with Mehar as he was with the other women of Rajinder's family in village, but he found Mehar to be disinterested in his affairs or any of the matter related to village home. He had been to Rajinder's house many times earlier but seldom did he get to speak to her. Only when she visited the village occasionally he had the opportunity of exchanging a few words with her. He found her quite high headed.
His immediate reaction was of fear. He sprung back clutching his packet of chapatees in his hand and faced her while in the heart of his heart wishing to runaway as fast as he could. Mehar knew
that Tarabai did provide him with tea during his stay there but it never occurred to her that he might need to eat somewhere.
She asked him to show his packet and he, with trembling hands, handed it to her. Before she could open it she knew these were stale and dry. What her eyes saw and her hands felt was more than her heart could endure. These were two flat dried crumbling pieces of bread which no human could consume. He had come here a day before and had left the village the night before that. She calculated and found that these chapatees were at least two days old. She did not feel the need to ask more.
All she could say was,“Why did you not ask Tarabai to serve you food?”
He looked at her in bewilderment. He did not understand that this woman whom he thought to be the mistress of this house has still not been able to accept it as her kingdom.
All he could muster was,“but I have brought rotees with me and I will buy some daal from a vendor in front of the hospital and eat these.”
Mehar felt her throat choke and guilt made her eyes fill. She turned her back to him and gestured him to come and sit in the veranda. Still keeping her back to him she picked up that dirty packet from the ledge above and along with those two rotees she went inside and threw them in dustbin. Tarabai was waiting for her medicine. Mehar went back to examination room, found Pentocid, told Rajaram who was sitting and looking at the road in front of the house with vacant eyes to wash his hands as Tarabai will bring his meals shortly.
She was not able to forget this incident for many days to come. Every time she sat to have her own meals those dried up chapatees loomed in front of her eyes and she cringed inwardly. She tried to talk about this to Rajinder but he brushed the whole issue aside.
“What is wrong in eating leftover chapatees? These poor people do not have money to eat at hotels, so they bring their own food.”
“But what he had was two days old. He was eating those dried up chapatis for so long. And all this while he was staying in my house. I feel guilty.”
“You don't have to feel that way. You served him food. Good.
Now forget it.”
But she took a long time to forget. Something in her changed. She began to look outside her personal cocoon. She felt the need to look at the world in its totality. She felt more changes inside her and her surroundings. She felt that she wanted to spend more time with Rajinder. She felt that spending all her time with little Ranjit was making her dull. A void was widening its gap inside her and she needed to break free of it. Ranjit was three years of age now, had started school and she had more time on her hand. She felt restless. Rajinder's routine had been the same. He left in morning at eight, came home for lunch and siesta. Again in the evening he would leave at half past four and returned by eight or sometimes even later than that. Her need for companionship and intellectual human interaction was telling on her and she began to ask him difficult questions.
