No matter what you are what's your age you still miss your old days sometimes you become too much nostalgic and you can't find an escape from that nostalgia
Like I'm these days nostalgic depressed above all these afraid whenever sonething from past knocks in my life I feel afraid why why and why thats all what I think
I was 23 when I got married to a government employee and I was 24 when he died the marriage was a whole time struggle but the end was tiring
I didnt stuck there I moved on in my life he was a good man but he wasn't anymore
But he never left my life this always haunts me I'm in prime era of my life but I'm depressed I'm back to those days when I was married to a 21 years old boy who just got hired in police as replacement of his dead father
He was tall serious nice but stuck up in responsibilities he wanted me to cooperate with him settle in his family but I never did so
He had three brothers whose responsibilities he had to fulfill the only one year I spent with him was exhausting
He loved me but in return he desired that I could stay with his family support him emotionally but I couldn't instead I started fighting with him I wanted a good house I came from a nice Rich familt and he belonged to a middle class family
At that time I became selfish
Why do I spend my life like this and for how long I started arguing with him alot
My behavior turned harsh
And one day his mother got admitted to the hospital that day I left his house
His mother used to do house chores and take care of his brothers who were small in age
If I remember accurate one was 5 one was 7 and one was 15 and his mother wasn't old she was just 40 but poverty harmed her a lot
I left that house that day he took his mother to hospital I was selfish but it wasn't my resondoblity to take care of his family
And worst things started to happen his mother died and his years old brother was lost might be he was kidnapped I don't know what exactly happened
He was angry with me for not taking care of his brother and I was angry with him ......for being poor ,lost in family.
And one day while he was driving his car in search to find his brother I called him we had a fight and he died that day because of car accident
He was gone and his brothers were left alone
Later on my father took them to orphanage
Still he is here he is everywhere around me im independent but bound by a mysterious feeling like someone is always looking at me
I can't sleep properly
Its been 13 years he died but im stuck
I moved in professional life but in personal life I'm standing at the same verge
My 4 engagements ended because I can't keep them because something wrong always happens
I don't know why so
I just learned that don't Marry someone out of your cast might you harm them or they harm you
Like I did like they did
I'm Still back in those days
