My hands were shaking a bit before pressing that submit button. I was still not sure if it was a good idea to have my profile created on this portal called "Second-Innings.com". I read my details once again--
Name: Shivani Saha
Age: 47
Occupation: English Professor at Delhi University
Interests: Music, Reading, and Painting
And many more questions describing my personality, my expectations, my views, and the list continues…
Should all these been asked years ago, my life would have been different what is it today?
Isn't it too late? Do I actually want this or is it just a phase where I am assuming that I would feel alone after Siya, my daughter will be gone to Singapore for her higher studies? Suyash, my son had already gone to on-site from his project.
The last 28 years came like a flash in front of my eyes.
Shekhar was the only son of my father's friend Kumar Uncle. Aunty had left them when Shekhar was just 12 years old. Uncle and Shekhar were very close to each other and like an ideal son, Shekhar never said no to his father for anything. I had just finished my 12th and Shekhar had completed his graduation and joined his father's business when our fathers felt that their friendship should be turned into a lifelong relationship. I wanted to study further but even after several tries, I couldn't convince my father. But Shekhar ensured me that he would let me complete my graduation after the marriage and he kept his promise and on our first night, he gifted me the University admission form.
But God had made other plans and just before my first-year exams I conceived and Suyah came to our lives. After a few years, God blessed us with Siya and our family became complete as everyone told me. I couldn't get time to even look at the books which God knows where I had kept. Brakes had applied to the study plans. I got fully involved with kids and Shekhar got busy with the business. Life was going well until that fateful night.
I was waiting for Shekhar to come back from the office but he didn't come back. I called the office and was told that he had left hours back. I didn't realize that when I slept in the living room near the phone itself waiting for him. My wait never ended. No one knew where he had disappeared suddenly. We tried every possible way to track him but all in vain. After a few days, things started getting unfold. He had left us with a huge debt and nothing else. Kumar Uncle couldn't bear this shock and he left the world after a year. Now I was left alone with my two young kids and had no clue what I would be going to do next. I didn't even get a chance to sit back and cry on my sorrows. My plate was full of responsibilities and I couldn't afford to stay in shock. I had to take strong actions and make tough decisions.
With some cash, savings, selling an office and house, I managed to pay the debt. I shifted to a rented house and started the hobby classes. But with growing kids and their needs, it was not enough. I didn't want to be a burden on my parents so I took the decision to continue my studies again. It was very difficult after such a long gap but now I have to learn living with difficulties. My mother helped me with the kids. In the daytime, I started taking hobby classes and at the night I started studying. With God's grace, my hard work paid off and I finished my graduation with good grades. My classes were also going well and I even started taking tuitions for younger kids.
Years passed and I completed my Master’s degree and along with that, I got a job as a teacher in one of the private colleges. But I didn't want to stop there so I kept going on and on and along with my kids, even my studies continued. When I got married, I never thought that my dream of education would be fulfilled in such a way. I earned more and more degrees and finally landed a professor's job at Delhi University. Though I didn't consider myself very fortunate, my kids never let me feel down and outshone in the academics. Suyash was a topper in his engineering college and landed in one of the renowned MNC. His talent and hard work scored him an on-site project within 2 years of his career. Siya was no less and ranked 3rd in the state in her 12th board. Her application was accepted by the Singapore University and she would be flying next month.
My sister, Shikha, and her kids had come to stay with us for some time. Kids were gone out for some shopping. We were sitting on the balcony and remembering our childhood memories with hot piping tea.
With little hesitation, Shikha asked, "So didi, what's the plan now?"
"Let the kids come back and then we will have dinner" I replied sipping my tea.
"No I mean not now but for the future after Siya would be gone to the university." She added more clarity to her question.
"Ahh... Nothing much. Same college routine and all. It would be very quiet and lonely but what to do."
"A lot can be done if you want. Don't you ever thought about settling again?"
I looked at her astonished. With all the hustle and bustle of life, I never got a chance to think about it. This thought never crossed my mind. The only aim was to give my kids a bright future and now I had achieved it.
"Don't look at me like this. It's time to think about yourself, didi. You gave the kids sky to spread their wings and fly high. Now it's your turn to come out of your nest and feel the breeze. They will further settle in their lives with their respective families. I know they would be with you and take care of you but still, I feel that you should have someone with whom you can spend time, share your thoughts. You know.. like a companion, a partner for life."
"I understand what you are saying, Shikha but don't you feel it's too late now. In a few years, it would be going to my kids’ marriage time. What will society and relatives say? How will the kids react? And top of it all, who will look for someone like me - Woman in her late 40s, mother of two adult kids?"
"Really Didi, you are still thinking about others? Keep everything and everyone aside and just think about what do you want. What your heart desire? Give it a serious thought. And if the answer comes Yes, everything else will fall into place."
I couldn't sleep that night and kept thinking about it. So many ifs, buts, questions, confusions kept crossing my mind the whole night.
Finally, I decided to take a step forward. I shared my thought with Shikha and she got super excited about it. She told me about different options where I could possibly find my life partner and one of them was "Second-Innings.com" which is specially designed for people like me. I browsed the site and saw there were so many males and females from different parts of the world.
I completed my profile and the time came to press that final submit button. I closed my eyes and tried to imagine myself with someone. But I saw myself, alone. I was flying out of my nest, feeling the cool breeze, no one was around, still, I was happy and content. I was going high and high with my wings spread wide. I was certainly enjoying my own company and my smile was its proof.
I opened my eyes and pressed Cancel. I closed the laptop because I don't need a partner anymore. I found my companion - "Myself".
--- People call it Being Alone, I would say Happily Ever After!!
