LOVE THY FAILURES!
Oh crap! What did I just say? I just asked you to “LOVE” the most hated word ever “FAILURE!!” Well, I did. And to be clearer, love ‘YOUR’ failures and not ‘OTHERS’! For me, it turned out to be the most powerful and life changing experience of my life.
When I was in school, I never dreaded exams because I used to score quite well. So, in my head, failing in an examination was a disease that I would never have. Till one day, I failed. After scoring a 95% in my HSC, a 16th All India rank in CA entrance, I failed in my CA finals. It jolted me. So, the disease I thought I was vaccinated thoroughly had finally touched me. Of course it was all new to me. I never had encountered this feeling ever before. That feeling of embarrassment and disappointment. But fortunately, it didn’t break me. (Thanks to my supporting family and friends). It took some time but I bounced back. At that time I had only one thing in my mind, to pass my finals anyhow. So, I did my best and I remember tears flowing out of my eyes when I saw my result. Not only had I passed, I earned a gold medal in one of the subjects.
Oh, what a relief! But more importantly was the realization I had that day. EVERYBODY in this world is going to fail. As that dreadful disease had touched me, it’s going to touch everybody, believe or not. It’s just going to change its forms – from exam to a relationship, a job interview, business, health, etc. So, why make it a big deal. Trying to prevent it from your life is going to be even more harmful because while doing that, you will always be busy protecting yourself in a bubble. A bubble that contain s only oxygen, till you die of your own exhaled carbon dioxide! Once my cozy bubble burst out, it released me from carrying a façade of “I CAN NEVER FAIL”. It released me from the pressure of being perfect at all the things I do. Once I realized that, I tried my hand at many different things (including blogging) without assuming about its result. My stage fear vanished and I delivered a very confident speech at one of the occasions later. (After an unsuccessful attempt in school).
FAILURE is known to be one of the most demeaning of all the words. Children are ashamed to announce their result when they fail. And why not, since they have always been exposed to the ill effects of failing. The fright of ‘what will the society say?’, ‘the tag of loser’, ‘the ego of ‘how can I fail’!’, ‘parental pressure’, ‘financial problems,’ are some of the reasons why having failed once is made an eternal fact, that cannot be erased.
We have to redefine failure and feed the child with its reality. We need to stop creating a fantasy bubble of success, put our child in it, think that he is now blessed by Goddess Saraswati and will never fail! Of course, he will. Not today, but for sure tomorrow. We need to accept this and even make our children capable of registering his failure and not have a nervous breakdown over it. If we are capable to give the due credit to his effort, even when he fails, he will be able to handle it. Of course, I am not supporting a purposeful tread towards failure here. Instead, they must be made aware of the strengths of the failure. It teaches us more than a success. It is not related to a mere exam anymore. It expands its horizons towards life. It taught me I can get 95% one day, and one day I can struggle to pass. It’s just a way of life. It might sound awkward if I go to the extent of saying, I would definitely want my child to fail early in his life. The earlier he frees himself from the burden of success, better. That way he will be able to accept the lessons of failure from his childhood and drift closer to life as easily.
Once that fantasy bubble is burst, we are no more result oriented. We can jump into anything new without starting with ‘what If I fail…’ Just keep those worthless emotions aside and do it! You will be so proud of yourself irrespective of what the result is. Like we cannot live a life without actually living it, we cannot perform a task only then when we know that we will surely pass!
Fear is something which is not a reality, of something that hasn’t happened yet. It is an uncomfortable situation because of the uncertainty it brings. We have to keep that uncomfortable feeling aside and yet do the task in hand the best way we can, without being success oriented. Every time we do it, we are breaking the shackles one more time. Failure shapes our lives more than what success does. Every time we succeed, the fear of failing increases, and we put an unabashed stress on ourselves to be an achiever always. It bounds you to only those things that you are best at and you keep bragging that, not knowing what a limited life you have been living.
What an equation where you feel like a king at 40% and a pauper at 39%! While it is a major concern of umpteen rise in suicide cases, mostly in the age of 13-24, shall we not be a helping hand in counseling them early? Shall we not discuss with them about life being not just passing or failing this mere exam. There is more to it. Shall we not tell them verbally, that no matter what the result is, we will be proud of you because of your efforts & he should not be ashamed of it. Can we not go back and have this one on one discussion with our child, niece, nephew, neighbor’s child, or anyone in that case that you come across? Can we not feel the pain going on in the mind of that person who is in a failed relationship, which he thinks is the end of the world? I will share a tip- keep a story ready (perhaps your own failure story), which is of an even worse situation than that of that person and console him. You can fake it too. And it helps! It makes him think that he is not alone. It’s all psychological.
Next time when you fail doing something, may be in a debate competition or running a marathon, than just pat your back, because you have broken one more chain which was pulling you off your passion, because of the fear of not doing it perfect! Sooner or later, you will make it. Taking the first step may be the most uncomfortable thing ever, but just till you take it.
Allow yourself to fail and gracefully. You will see its magic in the later years.
