How I Became Mother’s Mom
I was born while my mom had hardly attained what is called legal adulthood , she wasn’t even 18 years old . My dad was a small businessman but he was well off to meet all our needs and was able to save some amount also for our future . We were living in our ancestral home in a C class Indian city . I was told that both my parents were very happy at my birth .They named me Khushi .
I was the only child for three years . Then my mom delivered another still baby . After another two years she delivered yet another still baby . Then the doctors advised my parents not to expect any more babies . Actually my mother was diabetic while my dad had hypertension .
Everything was going well until I was ten years old . My dad was always under pressure to earn more to meet their medical needs and my education in elite institutions . But that was not in our destiny , he died of a massive heart attack . It was a huge shock to me and my mother . My mother took over dad’s business and ran it well for about six years until I was sixteen years old .
Though life wasn’t so easy for us after dad’s demise , I was not so concerned about worldliness . My mother’s health was deteriorating day by day . When dad was there he used to take care of all of us . Mama was not so serious about her diabetes . I didn't know much about blood sugar levels . Mama wasn’t taking medicines regularly nor did she visit our family doctor regularly . She used to take insulin haphazardly , sometimes a huge dose of insulin to counter her sugar level . She had to pay dearly for it and the end result was the cause of my suffering also , besides her own .
I remember the day I turned eighteen when my mother celebrated my birthday in a big way . Mama took a huge dose of insulin about which I didn’t know . When the party was over she fell almost unconscious . Before going to sleep she simply told me “ Don’t bother . It’s due to tiredness . I am going to take some pills for a nice sleep . By the time I wake up in the morning I will be glowing fresh . “
I was also tired so I went to bed and fell asleep . When I woke up in the morning I went to see mama . She was looking at me and blinking in between also . When I asked about her health she simply stared at me and periodically blinked her eyes . She tried to speak but could hardly sound like grunting or moaning . When I sat near her I asked to wake and sit . She tried to move her limbs meaninglessly but failed to sit on her own . She was unable to respond purposefully to any cognitive acts .
I called our family doctor . He thoroughly examined mom . Her B.P. and heart rate were near normal but her sugar level was too low . After some time he said “ I am not a specialist in such cases . I have administered glucose to up her sugar level but I doubt your mother has slipped into a coma . It’s better to bring her to the Emergency Room at our hospital. Neurologists and other senior doctors will examine her in detail and advise further courses of treatment . Don’t delay , it’s an emergency but at the same time don’t panic .”
Within a few hours I took mom to the hospital and got her admitted on doctor’s advice. After several other tests and examinations by a team of doctors , the head told me “ Your mother has gone into a stage of vegetative coma . This has happened due to very low blood sugar . She remained in this stage for a long time due to which her brain was badly affected . It’s a case of Hypoglycemic coma . Her brainstem is working so her vital functions like breathing , heart beat , sleep wake cycle will be there but there will be no awareness and response . There may be some meaningless reflex actions which you may interpret as a response . At the same time higher brain functions will be lost like conscious thoughts , purposeful behaviors , intentions , awareness etc “
“ How long it will take her to be normal but no one can tell the exact time frame in such cases . “ I asked
“ Let us hope for the best . Had she been here in time we could have possibly reversed it . But now it’s too late as her brain is badly affected. There isn’t any strict time slot . We have to hope against all odds . We will keep her here under observation for a couple of weeks . If there isn’t any positive response you can take her to home and she will have to be under home care . “
It was a big loss to me and my life was on the edge of a double edged sword . I was in a whirlpool of thoughts and imaginations about our future . What if mama is in coma for a long time or if I lost her. What will happen to our business which was already moving south. But no one can overthrow what is destined to happen . Mama was discharged from the hospital after two weeks . While discharging the doctor said “ Continue the medicines as directed by us . If you notice any significant change in your mom, bring it to our notice. She might be readmitted to the hospital . “
“ What special care does my mom need ? “ I asked
“ Yes , she needs lots of attention or special care . Your mother’s brain’s higher functions are lost but the brain stem can regulate essential body functions like heart rate , respiration , B.P. etc but she has lost her awareness and conscious thoughts . As a result she will not feel hunger , she has to be fed . Secondly she can urinate and defecate but she will not have control over them, meaning thereby they are incontinent .You need to take special care of her food and cleanliness by checking and changing her diapers . “
Tears rolled down my eyes . The doctor consoled me and said “ Be brave , young lady . Now just imagine you are going to take care of your mother as your small baby . “
The doctor’s last words kept echoing in my ears - I am going to be the mother of my mom .There was no way out . My parents had inter-caste marriage against the wishes of both families . So they were practically written off by them . A few other relatives came to see her , consoled me and left . There were a couple of my friends and my parents' friends who visited and spent a few hours , encouraged me and gave me moral support . One of my classmates, Neeraj , who was also my dad’s friends’ son , used to visit me frequently . Sometimes he even helped me with my house chores. That was enough for me .
I offshored our business on a fifty percent commission basis . I stopped going to college and started doing correspondence courses .
I used to start my day with daily chores for mama . My day used to start only after changing her previous night's diapers , brushing her teeth , sponging her body , changing her dress , combing her hair and tube feeding her breakfast in liquid form . She looked at me , blinked with a smile . I used to talk to her and she listened but her response was either absent or meaningless .Only after readying her , I used to do my personal chores . Then I cooked her favorite dishes and shuffled the menu as she used to do . Then it was time for mama’s lunch . I used to blend them and make a fluid by adding water , milk or juice . To feed her all her meals were prepared in a fluid state . In between I had to check or change her diapers . Sometimes I used to take my mom outside on the lawn in wheelchairs . I used to pluck a rose or any other seasonal flower and tried to help her smell but it made no sense to her as she looked at me meaninglessly .
I used to get a few hours in the afternoon for my studies . I was so busy doing all these that days , weeks and months passed by I didn’t know . There was no change in my mom’s coma status even after almost ten years except that her physical health was substantially down and she had lost a few pounds of weight .
I didn’t have spare time for myself . There was none in my life who mattered for me except my mom and none for her except me . I was responsible for her . My closest friend Neeraj had joined a good job and moved to a metro .
In fact I never cared for my future until Neeraj said to me one day “ Khushi , you are also approaching thirty . Have you ever thought about yourself ? “
“ How fast months and years slipped I didn’t realise nor am I surprised . My mom is like my baby . I have to nurture her . I have no desire , at least till I am with my mother .Best wishes and good luck to you . “
I used to give updates on my mother’s health to the doctor and even consulted him whenever needed . Once a doctor told me “ I am surprised to see your mother in a coma for such a long time .
Mama’s condition was deteriorating day by day . She was getting thinner and thinner day by day . For the past few days she wasn’t taking her food as usual , her intake had substantially decreased . One day she closed her eyes for a few seconds then blinked , gazed for a while and looked here and there . But she was unresponsive . I thought she might be coming out of her coma and informed the doctor . He said “ It’s not unusual .If she is nonresponsive , there isn’t any change in her state . Anyway I will come and examine her . “
The doctor came and examined her . He said “ Her B.P. and heart rate are low . She is internally too weak. Try to feed her properly . “
The next day was her birthday . When I went to her room she was gazing at me and blinking in between . I said to her “ Very very Happy Birthday mama . “
Her face glowed with a feeble smile . I embraced her . After changing her diapers and other morning chores I went to fetch chocolate milk for her on the eve of her 48th birthday . I fed her a bit of choco milk . Her eyes were constantly open , no blinking in between . This had never happened earlier . I checked her breath . There wasn’t any sign of breathing . I immediately called the doctor . Within a few minutes the doctor said “ Now her brainstem has also stopped working . I am sorry she is no more . “
Though her death was a huge shock and loss for me I had apprehended it might happen any day . I lost my mom whom I nurtured like my baby and now I was in a vacuum . I informed about her death to a few of my close contacts including Neeraj .
Neeraj was by my side within ten hours . He helped me a lot in performing the final rituals of my mom . He went back after the rituals .Before he left he told me “ I will be back soon with a surprise . “
I thought he would come back with wife . Within a few days he came with letters from our fathers . Both his and my dad had promised for our marriage .
I told him “ I was expecting you with your wife . Anyway, why did you keep it a secret for such a long time ? “
“ It wasn't a secret . It was known to both families . But unfortunately your dad passed away too soon and subsequently your mom went into a coma . You were primarily busy with your mom . Had I told you earlier I am sure you wouldn’t have agreed . Had you agreed under my pressure or even agreed of your own will , you might not have paid enough attention to your mom . Now is the right time for us to be together . Am I wrong ? “
I silently nodded in denial . When he asked again “ It means I am right . “
I kept mum with moist eyes . Neeraj moved forward to wipe out my tears , held my hand and said “ Now everything will be good and our lives will be on the right track . “
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