Agents of Gradation
Chapter 1 - Earth
“Why am I not resisting? I feel serene despite the fact that I am on the verge of death. Never thought I could be impervious to a predicament such as this. I should be angry, a few drops of sad tears would have made me feel normal but my eyes refuse to let go. Understandably, of course, I can see things are not in my control, but is my response appropriate? Perhaps, these relentless tormentors have rendered me numb to all sensations, depleting me of both physical and emotional capacity. What is this feeling called? Am I in the state they call ‘The state of Absolution’? Was all of this fate? Is this where my journey ends? Was this my destiny all along?
The blood loss has weakened me, but the weakness is so peaceful. The floor is red, the walls are red, and no matter where I turn my head, I don’t see another shade. Most people will find this kind of sight dreadful, but it turns out, I want to relish these final moments, I want to feel proud of everything that brought me here. My life is patting my back, calming me, and congratulating me, for finally, I have achieved the end of my journey, my culmination is here. What happens after this, what awaits further? There may be countless creations that are no more on the face of this earth, waiting for me on the other side. If that is so, I cannot wait to see them, I cannot wait for their welcome. How can I find the resilience to confront the looming spectre of mortality? But wait, there is something special about this moment, there is something different about this. What makes it special is that this very moment is not governed by those two-faces I despised, it is incorrigible by the corrupt, liars and powerful transgressors. I am glad those deceitful have no segment in my life anymore, no one can manipulate me, use me, coerce me. Even though I am surrounded by the most brutal and inhuman of the society, regardless - unlike those wolves in sheep’s skin, these terrorists are true to themselves, they are what they are, brutal and monstrous and that is exactly how they portray themselves. This has to be it, this is the time, today is the day where it all ends."
Discuss the concept of being in the wrong place at the wrong time. Of course, none of it made sense. Manav is unable to recall what brought him here. “Did someone ask me to stay back for overtime? Was I even supposed to be here? Why can’t I remember the reason why I stayed back? Besides, does it even matter you idiot?"
After hours of torture and no sign of outside intervention, Manav lost every remaining hope of being rescued. They say life flashes in front of your eyes just before you die, he never believed it but hoped to catch one last glimpse, a flashback of anything he wanted to grasp on to. “What a stupid fact that is! How many dead came back to life and shared their experience?" Those thoughts brought a chuckle to his face that he did not even care to control or hide. Perhaps during the final moments, fate decides what emotions are revealed and those to be kept buried. Manav seems to have lost the governance of his actions, unable to determine if he is really speaking or just ideas revolving in his mind. The terrorists, on the other hand, might have never seen someone so adamant. This one is one of those “Non-Talkers” they say about Manav, They are not particularly amused by Manav's response to the attack. He did not scream or agitate once, even when they pierced his arms with knives and battered his face and legs with the stock of their guns. For all the torture they gave him, His only retort came in the form of a high-pitched, unintelligible mutter, accompanied by a malevolent grin, as he grimly clenched his teeth, stained with the crimson of fresh blood all over it.
Terrorists feed on fear and violence, but their hunt was failing, they were going hungry today as Manav was in no mood to accept submission. Although it was not bringing Manav any good. In reality, he just incited a challenge for terrorists to come up with more ruthless ideas, “How to make his last moments so painful that he begs to put a stop,” and that was their adrenaline, to see someone plead for mercy. Although, everyone in the room knew begging for life or even a glass of water was pointless. It was only a matter of time before witnessing what the voracious wild animals would serve up next. “They really are skilled at what they do, I don’t see any other way this could have made any worse,” Manav continues talking to himself, uncaring of the sharks surrounding him. Death is at his door, but instead of being alarmed by it, Manav is hoping that perhaps a flashback will allow him to be reminded of his lost memories, but nothing has happened so far. Perhaps it is a protective mechanism in his brain to prevent him from being reminded of his meaningless past or the meagre amount of hope that is left for his future. He is in the moment, feeling nothing but observant of his surroundings, he is in the presence of fellow-humans who are certainly not his well-wishers.
He was fine this morning, and every morning before this and unlike today, never ever bled, not one drop. “Wow, is that a red rainbow? How tiny it is, and … why is it red?” As he gives a closer and thoughtful attention, he realises he is looking at a small column of a blood droplet surfacing down his eyelid. He could not control the laughter perceived by irony. “HA HA HA HA, Is that supposed to make me feel better? Am I supposed to see the beauty in all this savagery? I got to say I am not liking this flashback at all." The tricky-blood-rainbow did not lift up his spirits, it just gave rise to his nerves, with agitation he addresses one of the young terrorists, and shouts “Can we get it over with? WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR? A SIGN? Come-on let’s just get it over with already, don’t you want to make your superiors proud, be recognized?" Being naïve and out of frustration, He emits grating, ear-piercing sounds that resemble the raucous laughter of a hyena. Though his words possess a coherent logic within the confines of his own mind, for the terrorists, they serve as nothing more than an irksome nuisance. One of the terrorists drew Manav's attention, indignant and frustrated, this terrorist's facial expression towards Manav was strong. A few moments later, One of the seniors walks in and approaches Manav. He looks at him from top to bottom and painfully grabs his hair, with his thick accent he says. “There is a lot more to be done, patience is crucial, we are working really hard here." Then turns around and orders the younger ones something in their own language. Mockingly Manav replies “What’s the delay? I thought you were good at baseless murders." Looking into their eyes with a ridiculing-relaxed smile he says, “what happened? You guys lost your touch?" Their leader (presumably), holding his anger, approaches Manav, returning a cruel sinister smile he says, “What’s the hurry? Do you have to be somewhere?" Then he turns around keeping the same mysterious smile and walks back with everyone, leaving Manav alone and restrained.
Manav wanted to reply with a stunner but he couldn’t come up with one, he had to stop and think “Did I have to be somewhere?" Manav takes a moment. “Well nowhere usual or useful, same old routine and tasks. Isn’t everything a task nowadays, from the morning till night. Waking up, making your bed, cooking then cleaning. Even the simple act of eating becomes laborious, for I am compelled to partake in a meal despite lacking hunger. Why? Simply because it is deemed "lunchtime" by societal norms and expectations. All of these were merely a piece of work for me, I was least bothered about anything that happened around me. God! I wasted so much time like a clock. Never even designed a plan for myself, long term or short. To say the least, short term plans were to buy groceries and clean the house, long term was a bike ride planned alongside of Western Ghat roads. Oh! yeah that one…My Escapism, something I was good at. Hmm, so there are virtually some suitable things to recollect, in spite of everything. If only I had known those vistas would be the final images imprinted in my memory, I would have held them dearer, bidding a heartfelt farewell. But on the other hand, it is good to be dying imagining the splendour of Ladakh Valley and the purity of Varkala Beaches. Seems my life wasn’t that bad after all, there are some things I can say ‘Goodbye’ to." He wanted to smile for the fugacious happiness he drew for himself, although it was just for a moment but not thus far from contentment.
Disrupting his moment of tranquillity, two of the younger Terrorists return with ropes of various sizes. Before they release Manav, One of them, with a gun aimed menacingly, bares his tobacco-stained teeth, viciously he says, “Anything you try, You Die!” If hatred was a form of liquid, it would have been overflowing out of him. Whether by choice or against his will, the terrorist trembled and quivered with seething anger, locking eyes with unwavering intensity. Manav, just falling a few inches shorter than him, looks right back in his eyes, denying the terrorists any chance of receiving adequate retribution for the fear they instilled. Manav talks back at him, “Are you sure that is the only reason why I’ll die…. huh?" Perhaps it was the weight of authority from above that bound the man to silence in the face of maddening and exasperating retorts; they remained stoic, uttering no words and taking no action, they just carried out the orders given by their superiors which was to tie him upright with both hands on either side, hanging him high enough to touch the floor only with his toes, no more and no less, so that he can only balance on either hands or toes, one at a time. The idea was to tighten the blood circulation and let the internal pain do its job, at the beginning it may have looked bearable, but not during the later part when the blood bottlenecked towards his toes, shoulders and arms, that’s when the congestion spread everywhere with the consequential numbness and pain. For a moment Manav regretted his actions, his inner voice spoke, “Why am I making this harder for myself? Shouldn’t I just keep quiet and let them be, It will all be over soon anyway. All your life you never spoke a word, now is not the time to become conscious. Just die you idiot, die and make it as easy when you can, while you can." Suspended by his hands on either side, tethered to hooks embedded in the wall, he alternates between brief respites. He can endure the strain by either gripping tightly with one of his hands or relying on his toes for support, yet neither position can be sustained for more than a fleeting few seconds, his battered body was not capable enough to take his whole weight. Pain was excruciating; and kept getting worse. Trying to wander his painful thoughts, he remembers a great quote “Time is the best healer, Time eventually takes all the pain away, if not in this world then the next." “Who said that? I do not know but I have said this so many times and felt it too but only when it was in motion, today it appears time has stopped, there will not be a sunrise again or a sunset. Seems like I have been here all along, whatever I did, whatever happened to me, led me here to this moment. For all my actions, this is my penance; this is my reward. The day I was born my fate was already decided and my choices ensured it, could it have been any different? But how?” A paradox of infinite thoughts spreads across Manav’s mind.
Breaking his series of thoughts, a young terrorist who Manav did not recognise approaches him just as he was about to lose consciousness, to tell him something.“I have some bad news for you, your government has crossed the deadline for our demands….”, Before the terrorist could utter his next words, Manav erupted into laughter so thunderous that it echoed through the room, as if he had just heard the most uproariously hilarious joke known to mankind. In defiance of the anguish coursing through him, his lips - etched with scars, and cheeks - marred by countless blows, swelled with mirthful laughter, oblivious to the profound pain he should have acknowledged. The Terrorist disregarded the insult and said, “You know what it means, right?" Controlling his laughter, Manav replies, “I admire your optimism, you waited this long just to find out that the Government failed you, I could have saved you so much time”, He tried very hard, but the harder he tried, the louder he laughed. Mockingly he asks, “Did it ever cross your mind that you have kept a ‘Nobody’ as a hostage, I thought you were professionals, seems you guys are still learning." His laughter and every syllable spoken comes with slow pauses, making it even more annoying to listen to his slow sentences. The Terrorist takes a moment and responds, “It would be better for you to remain quiet and give up. This show of courage is meaningless, we both know what is going to happen now. I will not lie to you; you cannot endure the pain, but it will be over before your mind discovers another thought." Manav was unaffected, his laughter did not stop. Demanding attention the terrorist’s voice got louder. “Now listen to me carefully, your idea of courage is misplaced, this is not the time, it will lead you nowhere but more suffering and trust me you don’t want that, not with these people."
Someone would have got the impression that the terrorist’s words have ultimately created worry in Manav. Everything fell so silent that you could hear the wind whistling through the broken windows. On the contrary Manav was feeling thankful and humble on the unexpected pleasantry, a drop of tear found its way out. In the past 24 hours, no one had expressed any sympathy towards him, it was a strange feeling. He did not want to be disrespectful to the last person who showed kindness towards him. Manav raises his head, looks at the terrorist, gently and respectfully smiles and nods in acknowledgement. The terrorist returns the same gesture and heads back. “Hey, Wait”!! Manav calls out. Surprised, the terrorist stops and turns back, expecting another insult from Manav, and the terrorist asks “What?" Manav takes a moment and with a smile he says, “If my maths is correct, there are nine of you, right?" The Terrorist does not care much and walks back. Manav stops him again, imploringly he says, “Hey man come on I was bored, just trying to make a conversation before I die. You’ll be the last person I’ll remember, please don’t be offended, I’m profusely thankful for your kindness and apologetic too, in case I offended you, it was unintentional." The terrorist stops and folds his hand, looks at Manav from top to bottom and just says “OK, go ahead." Manav in a bit nervously reserved manner asks, “So…. I’m Manav, what’s your name?" Terrorist looks around, checks if they are being noticed and replies,
“Mikhail” (meek-hah-eel). Manav’s eyes glittered with happiness. “I got a response”, "Yay"!! he celebrates within his head.
Manav – “Nice to meet you Mikhail”, and smiles.
Mikhail – “So why were you counting us?"
Manav with a crooked smile says – “Just trying to keep myself occupied, anyhow, do you know how much time I have?"
Mikhail thinks for a moment and replies, “It won’t be wise to know that."
Manav – “Why not Doctor?" and smiles followed by some childish giggles.
Mikhail – “Why would you think I’m a Doctor?" He gets a bit confused and comes closer to Manav.
Manav – “I heard them calling someone ‘Tabib’ on a few occasions which If I am not mistaken, translates to “Doctor” in Arabic, I figured if someone has to be a Doctor in the group, it has to be you. It was a long shot I know."
Mikhail expresses a gentle chuckle, looks around and says – “It wasn’t for me, but you will meet him soon, but for your own sake you better hope to die of blood loss before you meet him. This man that they call ‘Tabib’ is not exactly a Doctor of wounds or diseases, he is famous for surgeries, in your language you may as well call him a ‘Surgeon’.”
Manav – “Oh! you came prepared for any on-job injuries, that’s progressive."
Mikhail – “Precisely”! He replies in a taunting tone.
After a brief pause, Manav grasped the humour, and in that understanding, a tender moment of shared laughter unfolded between them. With newfound ease, the barriers between them began to dissipate, paving the way for more comfortable and open conversation. Mikhail was already sympathetic towards Manav seeing his whole body covered in darkened and clotted blood. He was getting weaker every second and his pale body did not fool anyone, even with his unbreakable wit. Concerned with his condition, Mikhail reluctantly asks, “Is there someone you want to remember right now? Do you want to be left alone while you do that?" to which Manav replied without even thinking about it.
“That is the problem, I can’t remember anything significant before today. It's like I never existed before, now here I am, serving my purpose."
Mikhail was not sure how to respond to something like that, so he kept his silence for a few minutes. However, awkwardness was only growing every second. When the silence became excruciating, Mikhail tried to break it by some open-ended questions, while he was figuring it out, Manav took the first step and asked, “You still haven’t answered my question, there are nine of you, right?" Mikhail looks around and with a sigh, thinking what harm can a dead man cause? he replies, “that’s correct." Manav, with a deeper voice, asks, “You’re not the leader, are you?"
Mikhail – “No, I’m not the leader, if ‘role’ is what you wanted to know, then you may as well call me the ‘steward’, my job is to arrange things. Keep an eye on the supplies and organise things according to plan."
Manav – “I have no idea what that's supposed to mean, looks like you are on a higher pay grade, good for you."
Mikhail, for some reason somehow was offended and got agitated with Manav’s response – “You see that’s it, that ignorance of yours is why we always win, that’s exactly why our plans work, because your people can never interpret anything simple, Even when the truth lies glaringly before their eyes, it seems that your people have an inclination towards convoluted matters in order to deem them worthy of serious attention. It is tricky for them to grasp that a simple and unacknowledged plan is the most effective. That’s why we can demand and that is why you are here." Mikhail’s voice was getting louder and definitive with each phrase.
Shocked by Mikhail's sudden outburst, Manav asks – “Are you blaming me for where I am right now?"
Mikhail – “To an extent, Yes."
Manav – “Tell me what could have I done to avoid all of this?"
Mikhail – “It doesn’t matter now; you can’t escape from where you are."
Manav – “Something tells me you are not talking about me, anyway, what are your plans for me, ‘Steward’!”
Mikhail's abrupt outburst spread over Manav, he matched his response with the same anger and sarcasm.
Mikhail – “The same for every Kafir, beheading, if you really are a man of tenacity you would know what that means."
Manav suddenly burst out laughing loudly, breaking the uneasiness and tension that had been permeating the otherwise silent room. The pathological outburst of Manav could be heard booming across the wide, unoccupied floor of the office building.
Manav – “I do not know why I find that so funny, sorry your scary speech went all in vain, Steward!"
Some of the terrorists became alarmed by his laughter; they naturally arrived at the site, but Mikhail reassured them that everything was under control.
Mikhail on top of his anger – “You are not just a denier, but you are also an ignorant fool, I am trying to help you…
Manav disregards and interrupts him disrespectfully with a stern and loud voice before he could utter another word.
“A DENIER!!?? A denier has a choice to deny or accept.
