Author's POV
If the number 1 selfish individual were to be nominated, then Amy would have ranked in first place. She stood numbed by the confrontation with Jay. Her body froze in its place as her eyes glanced at Jay's car, which looked smaller and smaller by the distance and then completely vanished out of her sight. She was trying to bring Jay back to herself. But Jay's words were a splash of cold water to her face. A harsh slap. She felt guilty and remorseful. She had always brought trouble and uncertainty into his life. Her reckless actions were a cause of his pain. Her heart ached at the thought and realisation.
She couldn't deny any of his words. He was correct. But she was one stubborn bitch who wouldn't take no as an answer. She got what she wanted either by words or by violence. But now she craved forgiveness. She never begged for forgiveness for any of her actions in her life. She was never sorry for her doings. She was nonchalant about any of her deeds. Nothing affected her. But this one man did. This one man had such an effect on her that she was ready to change for him.
She stepped back, colliding against the hard pillar of the parking lot. Her eyes were trained on her feet, her mind welled up with lost thoughts, wondering if she deserved to live or if asking forgiveness was an absurd goal to achieve. She looked lost until she saw two polished formal boots appearing in her vision. Her gaze trailed upwards as her eyes fixed on Dr. Ren, who had casually shoved his hands into the pockets of his suit. His 2 eyes were analytical as always, including one pair of glasses sitting on the bridge of his nose.
Dr. Ren: Are you giving up? I believe he might have answered your requests.
She shot a glare.
Amy: Never. But he did say I was selfish and he wanted me away from his life. He loathes me.
Dr. Ren: Are you going to grant his request?
She sighed.
Amy: I just want his forgiveness. I have caused him trouble knowingly or unknowingly. But all I want is his forgiveness, and after that, if he wants me to disappear from the face of this earth, I wouldn't mind. I'll die in peace.
Dr. Ren: I see.
There was a moment of silence. Dr. Ren had been on both sides. He knew what Amy had suffered in the past and what Jay had gone through in recent years. But he could do nothing until both of them had the heart to listen to each other. He was no one to judge, nor the right person to advise.
But he knew Amy was seeking forgiveness desperately. Her past actions and persona were now demons that haunted her present mind. She was carrying baggage. A baggage that she wanted to drain, she wanted to throw it away in the river, but she couldn't.
The day Jay found Amy alive and returned to the island was the same day Amy came to Dr. Ren, seeking help. Dr. Ren was flabbergasted. He had mourned her death; she was like his own daughter. But he had kept his calm, wanting to hear her reasons. She had told him everything, or maybe not. She was frustrated and sleep-deprived. Her inner demons clawed at her to devour Jay, keep him to herself, and never let him leave, but she had done the opposite. This time, she wasn't letting her obsession win.
She wouldn't let Jay suffer the consequences of her action. She didn't want to be his misfortune. She didn't want him to hate her. But now he did. Over 2 years, though she had improved but it now felt like it was in vain. Yet she was persistent. She wouldn't give up. She had learned to control her anger issues and her temper.
She was slowly gaining control of her consciousness and wouldn't lose her temper until provoked, which had shocked Dr. Ren. He had treated Amy for years, and she had taken rash decisions in her life; one uncontrollable thing was her anger. Her rage and wrath over the minutest of inconveniences.
She had learned to control it. And she was still improving it for one reason. She wanted to become a better person. A better version of herself for Jay. For one person whom she would fight tooth and nail to keep him safe. And now he was withering away.
Her eyes were back on her feet again. Her powerful aura from a few minutes back had turned to helplessness. She looked like a lost puppy. Dr. Ren didn't say a word. He continued to observe her.
She sighed, standing up straight on her feet, and she smiled.
Amy: Doctor is angry with me. But I won't be giving up now. Not until he's ready to listen to me.
Dr. Ren smiled at her.
She fished her phone out of her pocket. Her finger switched the black screen to life. A few taps and scrolls later, she paused. Her eyes were shining, and her lips were curling into a faint smile.
With that, she shoved her phone back and took her car keys, walking ahead and leaving Dr. Ren behind, who shook his head with a knowing smile.
His eyes trailed after Amy's who had unlocked the door and climbed into the car. The engine roared to life, and like that, she disappeared from Dr. Ren's sight. She wasn't a fan of greetings, and just like always, she left without a goodbye.
The ride to the outskirts of the city was a boon of its own. Jay had finally reached the orphanage. A place so peaceful that it felt like a fairytale to him. A place where happiness existed. Though incomplete, but just enough to make life more reasonable for survival.
Even though Jay didn't have any baby fever, he could jell well with the kids. Kids who were happy in this new home that Jay had revived. It wasn't about renovating the four walls; it was about the sense of safety, compassion, and love that he gave to the kids.
He never had planned for kids. He had imagined his boring life as a doctor who would spend his life between the guilt of losing lives and the desperation to save lives. But it seemed that his destiny had played games with him. And here he was, at the door of change and possibilities.
Entering the orphanage, he visited his office cabin, the very first place to get all the formal work cleared for the month, and then he would enjoy the rest of his day with the kids.
The pile of files with legal documentation lay on his desk for inspection. His brain ached with frustration, wanting to ditch this and go enjoy his day without a care in the world, but he had disciplined himself for the former.
Stripping off his blazer, he casually took one of the files, trying to start somewhere. Walking towards the window, he pushed the rim of his glasses, fixing them. Taking a quick look down from the window, his eyes caught a black car entering through the gates. By the looks, a sports car in such a place piqued his curiosity. He peered at the car that had turned away from the building's direction to the parking lot. Maybe he had seen this car somewhere, but he couldn't remember.
He heard the door of his cabin opening, but he didn't turn around to look at who it was. Just like always, his assistant, Mr. Fukuzawa, had stepped into the cabin after knocking thrice and hearing no answer from him.
Jay was always doubtful as to why a former CEO with a billion-dollar fortune would take the initiative to become his assistant and look after the orphanage. Mr. Fukuzawa was Japanese and would speak in English in a Japanese accent that was sometimes difficult for Jay to interpret. But they had fun. He was older than Jay, in his late 40s. Jay had asked him at times about his motives for joining this organisation.
And just like always, he would say that it was for goodwill. His presence alone had brought the orphanage's name into the media spotlight, which in turn attracted donations very easily. It always seemed fishy to Jay, and the more he pushed his assistant's buttons for answers, the more clueless he became. With all the interactions with Mr. Fukuzawa, Jay could conclude that he wasn’t dealing with a normal person. He had gone back and forth with intriguing questions disguised as breaking the ice with the assistant. He was aware, Mr. Fukuzawa was a person who could spin narratives and would lead the talk. After all, he wasn't dealing with some layman but a former CEO who had secrets right up his sleeve.
Mr. Fukuzawa: You looked dazed. Is something bothering you?
He asked.
Jay: Do we have any visitors today?
Jay questioned, to which his assistant smiled.
Mr. Fukuzawa: Yes. You remember the event that was conducted last month. You were set to meet with a soldier from the army. She will be visiting today.
Jay remembered that night, the evening he met Amy, when he got to know Amy was alive. He had almost forgotten about this soldier and didn’t even bother to know his identity.
Jay: She? Uhh...okay. That's good. We'll finally meet her today.
Jay stated his mind, registering the fact that all this while, the soldier was a she.
There was a sudden sound of a ping notification, and Jay found his assistant glancing at the phone and quickly craning his head towards Jay.
Mr. Fukuzawa: She's here. We should not make a lady wait.
He beamed.
Placing the file back on the desk, Jay followed his assistant, who had escorted him to the lobby. His eyes darted around, spotting a person on the couch. Maybe she was the one. Her face was hidden behind the magazine that she held to read.
Jay esteemed her to be a boss like most women in a position of power looked. She was clad in a formal outfit of all black and a long coat that stayed only on her shoulders, while the sleeves hung loose on the sides. Jay was sure he had seen this clothing before. This outfit was way too familiar. It hit him like a ton of bricks.
Mr. Fukuzawa: It's a pleasure to meet you. Miss Maria.
The magazine that hid her face was smoothly shoved on the side of the couch; those fierce brown eyes met his blue ones.
A smirk formed on her face as she longingly stared at Jay. Their gazes locked, thick tension festered in the air. Jay was frowning, but he wasn't surprised by Amy's audacity to get back and look at him with that gaze.
A gaze that shimmered with innocence and a silent vow that she wasn't going to give up. There was a long silence; no words were spoken until Jay's assistant cleared his throat ever so loudly.
Amy: Nice to meet you, Doctor.
She spoke in her velvety, deep voice, smiling with such charm that it felt like a witch's spell.
The assistant was confused yet flustered.
Jay: Why are you here?
He wanted to sound rude, but it sounded rather surprising, whereas Amy continued to smile at him. He couldn't understand why she was being so stubborn. He had spoken words of venom; if she were the Amy from the past whom he had defied, he'd be buried 6 feet under the ground by now. She was treating his warnings like a little game, and his insults were a joke to her ears, and all Jay could do was sulk, scowl, and pull his hair with frustration. There was an awkward silence.
Mr. Fukuzawa: I think you guys have already been introduced to each other. That's wonderful! I shall take my leave then. I have a few chores to look after. Mr. Conor will show you around the place.
With that, Mr. Fukuzawa rushed out of the lobby, giving them privacy. The awkward tension was a sign for him to leave.
Amy: You are going to show me around, Doctor. Let's go.
She appeared nonchalant.
With that, she stood up, abandoning her blazer on the couch, which slipped away from her shoulders in the process. Her heels clicked as she stepped forward, standing close; her sharp brown eyes remained locked to his blue ones.
Jay scoffed, finally looking away, flustered. His cheeks burned with blood rushing faster through his veins. His heart raced while his vicinity was being invaded by hers.
Amy: I would like to meet the children.
She rasped.
Jay couldn't figure out if she was being all flirty or if it was just him being lovesick. But he wasn't going to fall for her charms.
Jay: I cannot allow you to meet the kids. You look like a grim reaper. They'll get scared.
He spat.
Amy: But I'm the hot one. I'm sure they'll fall in love with me.
Came her sleazy reply.
Jay: You're so full of yourself. Get changed.
He sassed, turning around as Amy followed him behind with her hands casually shoved in her pockets.
After a few minutes, Jay stood outside the door waiting for Amy to step out after changing her clothes. The door unlocked, revealing Amy in black pants and a baby blue sweatshirt that belonged to Jay. The colour baby blue had turned her features from charming and sharp to soft and approachable. There was a bearable silence.
Amy’s eyes lingered as she took in his appearance, which had changed in the past two years. His glasses made him look sharper. He was still in the formal outfit that he had worn in college. It gave out an old-school aesthetic yet was so modern and alluring. His blazer from before had been abandoned, leaving a pale grey shirt tucked in his black pants. The sleeves of his shirt were rolled up, hands were casually shoved in the pockets of his pants. His composure screamed elegance. His body, which was slim and lean in the past, was now a little buffier.
His thick brown hair, which had embellished a formal short haircut suitable for a formal set-up in the past, was now long, messy, and layered, reaching to his neck. His bangs were tousled by his fingers raking over them endlessly, which reached above his eyes, covering his eyebrows. It made him look wild but inexcusably attractive. His glasses and bangs framed the top of his face. One of his earlobes glimmered with black studs.
Amy couldn’t help but mentally smile that her husband still wore her gift of a tracker meant for his safety. But what had caught Amy’s eye was his gaze. It was unfamiliar. She had never seen that look in his eyes before. Jay’s gaze was always soft and tender, a little shimmery when he was confused or angry and also held love. But this was new; she couldn’t find that familiar gaze in his orbs that she always admired.
Her brown eyes searched for his blue ones, only to find him staring at her with such intensity. She had known Jay as someone shy, who was easily flustered, turning beet red with just a wink of an eye. But the look in his eyes at that moment made her stomach flip. It felt electric yet nerve-wracking. She had met men of all kinds. And she could read their intentions just by their gaze.
Some were intimidating when trying to assert dominance, cocky with attitude, and flirty; some were awed by her appearance and existence, and some were downright shameless, who would mentally strip her naked. But Jay’s gaze, Amy found, was intense; his eyes were locked on hers, lingering as if he were devouring every inch of the sight he was seeing. Amy couldn’t put a finger on what it was. It was something dark and possessive that fleeted in those ocean blue orbs.
His gaze lingered for a while until he turned on his heels and simply walked away. Amy's jaw dropped to the floor. And with that, she sprinted behind him to catch up. After a few minutes, they wandered around the place. The lawn stretched around the building. It offered a fairy tale vibe. And Amy felt herself being hit with nostalgia. Memories of her childhood played like a movie.
She understood that Jay hadn’t changed the place totally, but he kept the past alive and revived its memories. Soft breezes eventually danced with their hair as the sunlight beamed across the place. Her eyes roamed to the small garden for kids that had the prettiest artworks around the building, which blended with the garden.
Amy: Where are we going?
She muttered incoherently, following Jay.
Jay: To the kids.
He didn’t look back.
After a few minutes of mindless walking, drowning in the past. Amy found herself standing in front of the building; she remembered it was a ward for kids, specifically of the age criteria from newborns to the age of 12. She hadn’t given a thought to it. The memories she had of this building were of her usually watching cartoons with the other kids and playing all day. It was a happy place in her life.
But coming back as an adult hit different for her. She felt her nerves tingling; the nostalgia had fogged her brain. They entered the building as Amy walked gingerly, her eyes getting caught by the beautiful interiors and bright cartoons with animals and sea creatures with funny eyes and smiles. She unknowingly smiled at the place as they walked further in the hallway.
Jay led her through the doors; one of the rooms had windows as they had in the past, and Amy’s child self remembered peeking through the window on her toes. But now she was tall and reached the window. Her feet unconsciously dragged closer, her hands resting on the edge. Her eyes wandered inside, anticipating the chaos or laughs that children made, but all she got was silence. She saw the kids, small and fragile, but their bright eyes were covered in tears of sorrow. Amy couldn’t understand what she felt. It clenched her insides; she could see her younger self in them.
Jay, who had almost climbed the staircase, found Amy missing once he turned around, only to find her standing near the window. He walked briskly, stopping behind her at a distance.
Jay: These kids aren’t normal. They are getting treated; they have been abused physically, mentally, and emotionally. It may take time for them to heal; yet some of them are on a stage beyond repair.
Jay muttered lowly, his words filled with pain and dread, reminiscing about the day he had first seen them. He had seen hopelessness and defeat; they had given up their will to live, and it pained him. He had provided them with medical treatment, therapy, but the lingering helplessness clawed at his heart. He couldn’t help with their suffering but could only support and stand alongside them in the journey as they slowly healed.
Jay sighed, looking at Amy, who had been backfacing him. She didn’t utter a word. Jay had slowly reached for Amy’s hand, holding it gently, urging Amy to come with him. She stared at nothing in particular. And without a word, Jay slowly tugged at her wrist that stayed still in his grasp.
Jay: Let’s go.
He murmured.
Climbing the staircase, they reached the 1st floor. The hallway was decorated in all the brightness and colours in the world. There were drawings and crafts pinned on the walls that decorated the hallway, and Amy could tell they were artworks made by children.
Walking across the hallway, she could hear the kids laughing, giggling, and repeating behind the teacher. They were learning the alphabet. Her eyes went to the corridor, reaching towards the classroom as her feet dragged. Her presence had become evident as the kids, who had been all cheerful, became silent at her presence.
Amy felt like a deer caught in headlights. Jay nudged her from the back as if asking her to speak, but all she gave was an awkward smile and waved her hand.
She felt her shoulders being grabbed as Jay leaned towards her ear.
Jay: You better not scare them. Smile and introduce yourself.
With that, he gently pushed her further ahead in the classroom near the teacher, who looked puzzled but still kept a soft smile on her face.
Amy: Hi... I am Maria…
Her words came quickly. She knew she had no idea how to deal with kids. The last kid she ever spent time with was Charlie, who was used to her cold, monotonous, and distant nature.
Jay: Hey, this is Miss. Maria. She'll be teaching you art today. Say hi to her.
He spoke with a soft, cheerful tone to the kids. In return, the kids cheered excitedly. Their once tense atmosphere had become jolly again. Amy’s eyes wandered to Jay; he looked peaceful. His eyes held all the joy in the world. His smile felt like an angel’s, and his skin glowed golden with the sunlight hitting the room at an angle, making him look ethereal.
Amy couldn't help but stare at him. He continued to smile and talk to the kids, glancing at her in between as if talking about something to her, which she didn’t hear. She could see his lips moving as he kept looking at her with a smile.
A few seconds of the cast magic spell disappeared as Jay cleared his throat, looking at her and gesturing to talk with the kids. It took her two business days to comprehend that she had to teach art to the kids. Well, she sucked at art. The realisation had hit her like a ton of bricks. She agreed to teach the kids a subject that wasn’t a strong suit for her skills.
She was screwed. Awkwardly smiling at the kids, she saw the teacher leaving the class, and Jay told her that he would stay and accompany her.
Jay: Miss. Maria. Please continue. What are you going to teach them today?
Amy felt the silent mockery disguised as inquiry in his voice, to which she drew her puppy face at him, letting him know that she was completely clueless here.
And all Jay did was shrug, giving her a ‘sounds like a you problem’ look.
Amy turned back to the kids who were waiting for her to speak.
Amy: How about we keep a competition today? Drawing competition?
She spoke, internally sighing at her escape idea.
The kids cheered, and Amy had distributed drawing sheets to the kids as they eagerly started drawing on them. Her eyes followed around the classroom, pleased with the situation that she had it under control.
She continued to spend her time randomly roaming around the kids and having a sneak peek at their drawings. She stopped at one of the benches; the boy on the said bench instantly looked up at her. He hid the drawing paper with his hands, being all flustered.
Amy: What is your name?
“It’s Kevin."
The kid spoke in a meek voice.
Amy: Can I see your drawing, Kevin?
He hesitated before he finally uncovered the drawing for Amy to see. She didn’t expect the drawing to be extraordinary. But the drawing was decent and neat. It was a girl in a sweatshirt.
Amy: It’s nice, Kevin. Who is this pretty girl?
She spoke softly, smiling at Kevin.
Kevin: It’s you. You are pretty.
Kevin looked embarrassed. By the time Amy took a closer look at the drawing, she felt Jay peeking at the paper from behind.
Amy: Oh, thank you.
She smiled, and Jay gave a fake cough, expressing his annoyance.
Kevin: Will you be my girlfriend?
Amy laughed while Jay scoffed behind.
Jay: No. She is my wife.
He spoke annoyedly in a little rougher tone than intended as the kid’s eyes almost welled up with tears, reaching to the brim.
Amy panicked, glaring at Jay.
Amy: Hey, he’s joking. Once you grow up, you’ll find an even prettier girlfriend, right?
Pursing her lips into a thin line, she scratched the back of her neck. Her words weren’t helping the situation.
Amy: Hey, Kevin, do you want to see magic?
Kevin’s tear-welling eyes quickly turned jolly as he rubbed his eyes to get rid of tears. He quickly nodded.
Amy: Give me your pencil.
Kevin reluctantly gave his pencil as Amy spun the pencil between her fingers. By the time Amy continued the trick, she had caught everyone’s attention. The kids who were busy drawing before had now turned towards Amy.
A few seconds of turning one pencil to two had made the kids gasp and squeal.cil into two had gotten surprised gasps from the kids. And finally, after tricking away two pencils into thin air, she had made a lollipop appear between her fingers, giving it to Kevin, who clapped along with the other children once the magic show came to an end.
The other hour went with chaos and fun as Jay showed Amy around the orphanage. And Amy couldn’t help but fall back into the hollow pit of her memories that seemed sweet and fragrant as roses, but it clenched and pierced her heart at the same time.
She had deliberately chosen not to let her past claw at her; she chose to live in the present and fight hard for what she wanted. She didn’t want to ruin her day with memories; she wasn’t the little princess now that she was back then. Her chain of thoughts had come to a halt as she felt a slight tug at her shirt; her eyes peered below to find a babbling toddler fisting the cloth of her shirt, trying to grab attention.
Amy was never sure about motherhood; kids scared her, and all this time she had tried her best to be gentle, calm, and polite. The kid had wrapped himself around Amy’s leg like a koala, nibbling on the pacifier as he tried to climb on her leg. She smiled and crouched down to hold the little being in her arms, maintaining precautions not to hold him tightly or squeeze him; her eyes sought Jay, only to find him already looking at her with a smile that assured her that she was doing it right.
The toddler in her arms had now grabbed Amy’s hair. The strand was fisted tightly in his small hands, but it didn’t bother Amy. She cooed at him, playing along until the volunteer reached towards her. Amy slowly pulled away from the kid, handing him to the volunteer. But it wasn’t an easy task; the kid had started crying and wailing, wanting to go back to Amy. After 2 minutes of constant crying and squirming, the kid had finally calmed down. Amy had panicked, not sure what to do in such a situation, and she was glad that the volunteer had helped her. The toddler had kept staring at Amy with his bright eyes in the volunteer’s arms.
Volunteer: It seems that he likes you. But it’s quite sad for these poor kids. They are left alone when they yearn for love and care the most.
The words had pinched her insides as Amy swallowed a lump in her throat, looking away to seek distraction. She couldn’t bear to stand there any longer. She had never given any serious thoughts to the suffering of the kids in the orphanage and how unfortunate the lives were for the poor souls until they find suitable parents who would protect and care for them, or they might end up alone and abandoned.
Jay had seemed to read the situation, as he had quickly guided Amy to exit the place. And once again, they had headed back to the outstretched lawn behind the orphanage’s building. The place seemed familiar, but Amy’s main concern had been Jay. There was a comfortable silence, yet a lingering itch to talk to each other. But none of them spoke; instead, they both casually wandered around or to be more specific, Amy followed Jay around.
And after a while, Jay had stopped in his tracks, finally turning around to face Amy, who had also stopped. There was a visible irritation and annoyance on Jay’s face.
Jay: I believe I am done showing you around; you can take your leave. I think you must be tired; you should rest. You can visit here any day.
Jay was polite, yet his words were meant to shove her away, to which Amy smirked; her usual smugness had made Jay itch with frustration. A few seconds of silence lingered until Jay spoke.
Jay: Which part of "leave me alone" did you not understand?
Jay spoke, trying to sound as rude as possible, and all Amy did was smile, which screamed trouble.
Amy: Are you scared? That you’ll fall for me? I don’t mind, doctor. I’ll stay with you.
Her words were playful, and her stance reeked of confidence and charm, yet it irked Jay. He was so done. His idea to casually show Amy around the place and get done with it wasn’t working. He was reluctant and trying his best not to let her words get to him.
Jay: Weren’t you so desperate to part ways with me? Didn’t you sign away your damned mansion and this place to me in your will? I mean, that must be something small for you. A small price to shove me away from your life so you could play dead and be where you want to be. What made you change your mind? Are you bored? I must be your favourite plaything, huh.
He chuckled, his words mocked, hitting like shards of glass. The words were sharp enough to wipe away the smile from Amy’s face. She stared at him, looking into his eyes and figuring that even though his questions were relevant, it was a deliberate attempt to hurt her and push her away.
Amy: I… I didn’t mean to…First of all, you are not a plaything. And ‘The Divas’ and this orphanage are not some small price or compensation. It has my heart. It cannot be compared to some damned money.
She exclaimed like a child, to which Jay looked away, not expecting the answer. He had realised the closer he was in proximity to Amy, the more he melted to her words.
Jay: You still didn’t answer my question. Why are you back?
He didn’t look.
Amy: Forgive me.
He laughed humorlessly.
Jay: Why does a mere thought like forgiveness bother you? You shouldn’t care. You didn’t care for 2 years. Why now?
It struck a chord in Amy, yet she couldn’t find words to answer.
Jay: I must say you are insufferable.
Amy swallowed, wanting to speak, but it felt overwhelming. Jay didn’t stop to hear another word. He turned on his heels and started walking away. Amy tried her best to find words.
Amy: I will make it up to you.
She yelled behind him. But he didn’t stop and kept walking towards the outstretched forest ahead.
Amy: Please listen to me.
She slowly started walking in his direction.
Jay: It’s too late.
He yelled back but didn’t stop. He kept walking faster and further towards the forest, wanting to get rid of Amy’s sight.
But Amy was more stubborn than him. She kept walking behind him at a far distance until her eyes caught the direction and the place they were walking into. It wasn’t a forest; it was a cliff hidden in trees and bushes. A disguised dead end. The realisation hit her like a ton of bricks. She sprang into action; her high heels were thrown away in haste, and her feet lunged forward into a run. She ran barefoot behind him and screamed at him to stop. But it was too late. Jay’s foot had slipped on the steep edge.
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Hey Guys!
Took me the longest time to get back with another update. I hope you enjoyed the story. Stay tuned for the updates!
Thank you 💜
Peace✌️
