"WHAT A JUDGE CANNOT JUDGE"
A Satirical Journey Through India’s Most Serious Comedy Show – The Litigation Circus
LAWFING TALES OF LAW, LAWYERS AND LITIGATION
By The Lawfing Lawyer
Advocate Ajay Amitabh Suman
Patent & Trademark Attorney, Delhi High Court
INSPIRED FROM REAL COURT LIFE EXPERIENCE
IN LOVE WITH LAW
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Foreword (Also a Friendly Warning)
If you’ve picked up this series, expecting serious law talk, put it back, Or gift it to your ill wishers.This series won’t help you win a case—but it might get you thrown out of court... for laughing too hard! It’s not law, it’s courtroom comedy with extra tadka!"
Here, you won’t find IPC. You’ll find LOL.No legal amendments. Just LAWFING TALES OF LAW, LAWYERS AND LITIGATION.And forget “Justice delayed is justice denied.”Here it’s “Justice adjourned... LAWFER guaranteed.”
Because our courts don’t just give judgments —They also give performances. Live, free, and daily — with no intermission (but plenty of interruptions).
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How It All Began
One pre launch session in High Court— I was waiting for my case to be called.The Hon'ble judge, already tired after just three cases, looked at a lawyer surprisingly: .
Hon'ble Judge (raising eyebrows): What are you saying, Mr. Counsel? Your client stated on affidavit ten years ago that he was 28 years old. And today also, he claims to be 28? Has he discovered a fountain of youth or taken rebirth in the same body?
Lawyer (with a straight face): My Lord, my client is a man of principle. He gave his age under oath in an affidavit — and how can he now betray it? He is not just being consistent.
Hon'ble Judge (mock serious): So, if tomorrow he claims to be 28 on Mars, would that also be admissible?
Lawyer: Only if the affidavit was notarized on Mars, My Lord. We do follow jurisdictional limits.
Hon'ble Judge (with a smile): This court needs a medical report, not a time machine.
Lawyer:Noted, My Lord. But affidavitally — he remains 28.
And I… I laughed. But then I stopped and thought: This is not just funny, satirical too. Because facts narrated on sworn affidavit may change by passage of time like law too. Whom to say right or whom to say wrong? That was the moment this was born. From LAWFER, yes — having element of satire too, but with respect and not to defame or hurt anyone.
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This Book Is...A tribute to:
"The Lawyers who wear black coats in 48°C not because of justice… but because the dress code doesn’t believe in weather.
The Hon'ble Judges who’ve mastered the art of napping with open eyes and moving pens.
The Opposing lawyers who scream “Objection!” like they’re pressing buzzer in a quiz show.
The Clerks who can type 120 words per minute, but still call you “Mr. Sharma” when you’re “Miss Shalini.”
Courtrooms, where phones must be silent, tempers are hot. Every chapter brings a new episode from the legal reality show — where everything is under oath, except people’s patience."
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So What’s This Really About?
It’s not a book. It’s a VIP ticket to India’s courtroom reality show.
Lawyers = actors
Hon'ble Judges = directors
Clients = unpaid extras
Truth = running late with chai in hand
Emotion = always on time
Logic = stuck in traffic
And remember:Justice is blind… but satire wears glasses with extra zoom. Even Lady Justice wears a blindfold — not always to be fair, but sometimes to avoid watching the show.
And The biggest irony of the courtroom?The Hon'ble judge — the one who judges everyone — often has no idea if what they delivered was actual justice… or just a grammatically correct decision with a polite “disposed of” at the end.Because let’s be honest — real justice doesn’t always come with a file number.Sometimes it’s just about who showed up, who had the better lawyer,or who didn’t mix up their affidavit dates.
And while the courtroom has rules, forms, citations, and five volumes of paperwork —truth walks in late, justice takes a tea break, and judgment? Judgment just tries to keep the Wi-Fi working long enough to upload the order.
So yes — judges pass orders.But whether it was justice or just closure with formatting?Even the Hon'ble judge isn’t quite sure.
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Meet the Central Cast (Because Every Circus Needs Its Characters):
Mr. Black & Mr. White – Amongst two of many lawyers, who’ve been practicing for 30 years... separately. But when they’re in the same courtroom, it’s like watching two GPS systems argue in different accents. Coordination? Not applicable. Ego? Supreme Court level.
Mr. Grey Black – Amongst one of many Hon'ble District judges. Doesn’t panic when the mic fails. Does panic when the AC stops working.
Mr. Grey – Amongst one of many Hon'ble High Court judges. Hasn't smiled in years but once raised an eyebrow — and it was legendary.
Mr. Grey White – Amongst one of many Hon'ble Supreme Court judge. Quiet, sharp, philosophical. Once gave a judgment that was quoted in a wedding speech.
Mr. Yellow – Amongst one of many newbie lawyers with clean shoes, confused expressions, and unlimited bookmarks on legal apps.
Mr. Brown – Amongst one of many court clerks who walks like he’s in a hurry but will still say, “Kal aana.”
Mr. Green & Mr. Red –Amongst two of many Clients, who’ve attended more hearings than school PTMs. They no longer ask “Why is it taking so long?” They’ve accepted it as a lifestyle.
Mr. Orange – Amongst one of many Journalists, who tweets from outside the courtroom and still knows more than half the people inside.
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Presenting:
“What A Judge Cannot Judge”
A book about the funny, frustrating, and frankly unbelievable world of Indian courts.Written not to mock, but to remind: the law may be serious — but the people inside it still laugh. And cry. And sometimes forget their files.
Respectfully ridiculous, and submitted with humor and humility.
By your loyal court-side commentator,
The Lawfing Lawyer, Advocate Ajay Amitabh Suman
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DISCLAIMER:
This book is fiction. Except when it isn’t. The names are changed, the facts are mixed, and the only thing that’s always true is that someone is still waiting for their next hearing. It is not intended to defame, discredit, or dishonor any individual, group, profession, or institution. If any section of this work inadvertently hurts the sentiments of any person ,institution or community, the author tenders an unconditional apology. The intention is to provoke thought and laughter, not offense.
COPYRIGHT:
All rights to the content of this book are reserved with the author. No part of this book, including its text, characters, plots, or any adaptation thereof, may be reproduced, used in any manner including stored, transmitted in any form or by any means — electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise — without the prior written permission of the author.
And If you still want to copy it… just become a lawyer or a Hon'ble Judge and quote this in your written submission or Judgement.
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