“The Kanya Slot System: Now Even the Goddess Comes by Appointment!”
As soon as Navratri begins, colonies witness a peculiar kind of buzz. The aunties in the neighborhood no longer spend their mornings at the temple; instead, they are out on a full-blown kanya-hunt. Seven girls are a must, nine is better, and eleven is ideal to please the Goddess... but the real question is — where to find them?
Just like last time, the darn housemaid didn’t show up. She has two daughters. She was told clearly to bring them along, but she flatly refused—
“Madamji, they go to school! I drop them off and then come here to work. Whatever you want to give me—clothes, gifts, dakshina—just give it to me directly. Consider me the Goddess this time!”
All devotional sentiments went up in smoke — now before devotion, one needs a certificate of eligibility.
“I leave them just to work at your place… I can’t pull them out of school.”
“Whatever you want to give, just hand it over… clothes, gifts, dakshina…”
“No, we have to touch their feet too… only then does one get the punya-labh (spiritual reward)!”
“Bhabhiji, is there any 7–8-year-old girl in your society?”
“There used to be… but she’s grown now, in fourth grade — she’s out of the kanjak category.”
The situation got so desperate that a former NEET repeater from the colony started an organization: Kanyakal Seva Samiti. Mission: verified advance booking of authentic kanyas, and yes, they even launched a proper website: www.kanjakkart.com
Fill out a form, select a slot, obtain consent for foot-washing and tika, and make an online payment for halwa and dakshina.
The head of the organization, Kantaben, who was once the referee of the colony’s matki-fod competition, is now the chief priestess of this digital devotion.
“We’re connecting tradition with technology. It’s modern times now, you see. Even the Goddess has gone high-tech. She no longer does walk-ins without a booking,” she declared.
“And the girls — they’re busy too! Some are at school, some in dance class, and the rest on Instagram!”
Seth Giridharilal, an ardent religious devotee, had tried for years to have a son. In the process, he ended up with four daughters. Several deep consultations with seasoned astrologers led to the revelation: if he holds special kanya pujan during Navratri, the birth of a son is guaranteed.
So, for the last four years, he’s been religiously conducting this ritual. A son hasn’t arrived, but the house now has a steady stream of nav-kanjaks. This year, he opted for the Gold Package — 11 girls, a 20-minute time slot, license to wash their feet, and a strict No Selfie Clause.
“Bhai sahab, the puja must happen and we have to go live on Insta too! If we don’t find girls, how will we trend? Devotion without likes is considered incomplete nowadays!”
The committee even released a list of Top Rated Kanyas — each with a star rating.
Some came in flower themes, others in matching bangles.
One Bhabhi missed her booking and ended up on the waiting list. She pleaded with the committee—
“Just send me two girls, please. The poori and halwa are ready!”
But Kantaben was firm in her business model.
“Sorry, Bhabhiji! Business is business, and rules are rules — first come, first served!”
Even the kanyas have now unionized.
“At least ₹100 dakshina, and no small pack chocolates — we want the big Dairy Milk!”
An 8-year-old girl told her father,
“Look Papa, now I’ll only go to the houses where they offer chocolates, brownies, and 4G Wi-Fi. Even a Goddess needs a strong network!”
All across the colony, a strange race has begun — some are driven by faith, others by apps. The season of Navratri has now become more of a logistics audit than a spiritual festival — where Goddess’s blessings are booked via QR codes, and kanyas no longer arrive for direct darshan, but only by appointment.
Very soon, we might even have an app called KanyaPujanPro — with live tracking features:
“Your kanya is just three houses away… please heat the ghee, start the Insta reel, and set the halwa plate angle just right!”
Temples will no longer echo with bells — Google Calendar notifications will now ring instead.
And kanyas… they will arrive not with emotion, but with biodata, time slots, and compensation packages.
🙏 Jai Mata Di!
Writer:
Dr. Mukesh Aseemit
