"sai_karthik is on Instagram, say hi" almost after years of searching for him in social media, I gave up on his thought.... but suddenly this message popped up on my screen.
I couldn't wait any longer. I've gone through the notification, clicked on his profile photo. It's him and meera .. hugging eachother tight on his profile photo. He looked more handsome than the last time I have finally saw him. He grew his hair a little longer than usual, his posture remained same. I felt butterflies flying in my stomach just by looking at him in the display Pic. It felt very nostalgic.
I have send a follow request. I don't know why, but I just wanna have a decent conversation with him. Atleast a "how are you?" Will be fine.
.
.
.
It's been three days since I've sent him a friend request. He has not yet accepted it. All I could see is only his profile photo.. The way he's so happy with his love (once my classmate -meera). The chemistry between them.
.
.
Another two days... I've been going crazy ... Always checking my phone everytime it vibrates with a notification tone.
.
Another day, about evening... I got a notification. It's not him, but from his best friends account during our college days.
A message notification
I opened it ... And it read " Hi vidhya, it's sai karthik this side. Sorry I couldn't accept your friend request. Meera usually uses my instagram handle. She felt really possessive seeing your friend request.i borrowed my friends handle as he's not using it anymore. By the way, I hope you are doing good."
Oh my gosh!! It's real...
He spoke... For the first time with me.
Reading this message drifted me back to the days we were in college...
*QUICK FLASH BACK*
I joined late to the college as I am lateral entry. All the class already formed their own groups by the time I joined. I have left alone with zero friends.
Luckily, my skill in words lead me into "Let's Buzz" hobby club. There I met myra-The class topper. She was very fond towards me during my lonely times. She tried to tie me up with other college mates. But I literally failed to match their vibe.
"He is karthi. The best writer in our club" myra introduced me to karthik for the first time and that's the very minute I noticed him as my classmate.
"Myra, I don't like being called karthi. My name is sai karthik. Just call me by my full name" he said and left.
We met for a countable number of times in the club. We haven't atleast introduced ourselves. I doubt if he knew my name atleast.
I loved his poems and thoughts. He is a fabulous writer and phenomenal person at words.
I used to note down everything he recites and re-read them a lot of times.
I loved his smile, his dressing style, his eyes, his attitude and his behaviour. What not, he is so divine.
I tried talking to him , but when he's around... My heart just couldn't beat!!!
I wrote a letter for him, I wrote about everything that I wanted to tell him... I wrote it with huge amounts of love..
I really didn't get a chance to give it to him. I used to listen to myra saying a lot about his interests as they were best friends and I used to dress to match his outfit daily .
The letter that I wrote was always there in my daily buzz hobby club book. Everyday I thought of giving it to him, but got no clue.. how to give it..
I carried my feelings all in my heart...
"Vidhya, can I borrow your hobby book" myra took it from me "karthi left his book at his home and he should attend this club's interschool selection with the hobby book in his hand and I am attending it too.. I can't give my book to him."
After she left the room with my book, I realised that the letter was still in the book.
By the time I reached the lobby, the bus moved with the students attending the compitition.
I worried all night. I couldn't get the sleep.
The next day myra handed over me the book. I ran into the washroom with the book and dig into it for the letter. The letter is still there! And in the same page that I've placed it in.
Thank God, he doesn't read it.. it must be so embarassing if he must have read it!!!
And the time flies so fast.. as I couldn't even got the courage to tell my feelings to him even on the last day of the college
******
After these many years... He texted. Finally and he still remembers my name...
"Hi Sai karthik... I am doing great. You look great in your profile" I replied.
"Really!!! I gained tons😜" he messaged.
"Not more tons than me I guess" I replied.
"Meera looks good beside you" I couldn't wait for his reply.
"You think so..." He questioned.
"Yeah, your frame is so breathe taking" a hint of jealousy crept my heart.
"It happened. She proposed after college and I couldn't say no". He tried to make sense to my jealousy.
"I am serious. You both look perfect". I couldn't stop showing off my jealous. After all I got a chance to talk.
"Can we meet.. if you are free" his reply made my jaw drop. Literally, the shy guy at college wanted to meet me.
"Yeah.. when and where" I too wanted to see, how much weight he had put on...
"Today evening, 8:30 dinner at paradise" his text popped radiating light in my dark room.
"👍" I couldn't reply much.
It's 7 already, I am still putting on my makeup. I want to look great! After all, this is my wish from so long. I made sure to wear a tight dress that elevated my look and a minimal makeup to look more natural.
By the time I reached at resturant, he was there .. waiting for me .
"Hi.. am I late" I asked as I reached the table.
"No... I am a little early.. can't wait to see you after a long time." He pulled a chair for me.
His colleague was too fresh and mesmerising.
"So... How's life" .......
........
.....
We had a lot of chat.. about life after college, old friends, professional life, family.. a lot... We laughed.. we looked into eachother's eyes a lot of times. And it's just like yesterday when we are in college. I felt young!
"See you" we bid good bye.
I reached home late.
A new notification..
"It's nice catching up with you. I had a great time. Hope you had too... I am de-activating this account. I don't wish meera to get stressed knowing about this." I hadn't expected this coming.
"Why... So you just wanted to meet me once." I replied.
"I am sorry, I always wished to create this one memory with you" his reply read.
"But why?" I didn't acknowledge tears running out of my eyes.
"I read your letter back in college...." His reply shook me off...
"You ... Read it... And never replied" I couldn't clearly see the screen. My tears blurred my vision.
"I am sorry. I know that it wouldn't work at that time. My parents are very orthodox. They have high caste feelings and that's how I ended up with meera" his message was so disgusting! He ripped my heart and it's painful.
"So ... That's it. Now I could connect the dots" I felt miserable.
"I am sorry vidhya. I just want make one last proposal to you .... The proposal that's lost somewhere in between love and caste... Proposal that lost it's purity in drifts of circumstances. Yet I have got this last chance to return back the proposal once lost to it's righteous owner..
My dear stranger,
I pleaded my heartbeat to match your rhythm and it asked to let it hear your heart's beat once.
I asked my lips to chant your name and it desired to hear how my name sounds from your lips.
I pleaded my feet to follow your path and they wished you to hold my hands and guide the way.
I asked my eyes to capture you in them and they are too busy in searching for my image in your eyes.
Ask me to wait a minute and I'll wait a life time for you.
...................... I am sorry vidhya. For making you to wait these many years to give my reply. You choose the wrong guy, I am weak to fight for you. I prayed the god the day I installed instagram that you'd moved on ... And I atleast prayed you'd not send a request by seeing my profile photo. But you proved me wrong. As you've written in that letter.... You waited for me... But I .... I am not good enough to have you by my side. Please move on... I loved you and I love you for rest of my life... But the fact is that... This proposal can't expect neither a reply nor give you a hope "
And that's it.. he didn't even bothered about my reply. He deleted his account.
I cried.... I cried and I cried a lot... Until my nose turned red and my eyes were out of fluid.
The next morning, I woke up with great headache.
I pulled myself up and leaped into the store room . I opened the desk of the cupboard and emptied everything out .. until I found my torn hobby book.. I ruffled the pages and found the letter that I once wrote.
The paper lost it's ink stained all over... The letters are mildly visible.
I opened the text message he has last send and he not even missed a word. He remembered everything for years....
I don't know how he figured out that I've wrote this letter for him, but he's right... I should have stopped myself from sending him request by just seeing his profile photo.
I deleted the message he has send and ripped the letter into pieces.
It's not his last proposal... It's lost proposal that's delayed for years to reach me.
