Conflict for is something that is not in anyone’s hands as it depends on different circumstances and situations however, what is in your hands is the way you approach the issue of dealing with conflict or the way you view the conflict. Param Pujya Dada Bhagwan has said in the book life without conflict, “Each person is correct in his/her viewpoint and take that person’s viewpoint into consideration.” This reminds of a situation whereby you can see the handle of the cup and the other person cannot see the handle of a cup depending on which angle the cup is facing. Keeping that in mind and Param Pujya Dada Bhagwan saying it enables you to understand and consider the viewpoint of another person during a conflict situation.
For instance, when I was young, I constantly used to have conflicts with my sisters about anything especially when my mother was away from home. Before, I used to constantly focus on my sister’s mistakes, make them wrong and argue as I wanted things to go my way. Additionally, it was very hard to accept my mistakes, I used to get angry, upset, and defend myself about my mistakes. The understanding that shifted my behavior is that I started focusing on my mistakes and my behavior towards others instead of focusing on anyone else’s mistakes particularly my family, friends, coworkers and my supervisor. Now when I get into a situation of conflict, I immediately accept that it was my mistake and apologize for making a mistake and hurting them. Therefore, the conflict just ends within few minutes after apologizing to them.
I used to be afraid and anxious when people would tell me my mistakes. I remember one time I asked a question to Pujya Deepakbhai in Los Angeles Satsang that “why am I fearful of people telling me my mistakes and I don’t like it when they tell me my mistakes especially my family and my supervisor. Pujya Deepakbhai said, “you should be grateful that the person is telling you your mistakes, it gives you an opportunity to clean up your mistakes and don’t protect your mistakes”.
One time at work, one of my clients’ had come to file her taxes, the client got angry and upset as I didn’t help the client on time and she had to wait for her turn about half an hour or more as I was assisting other clients with taxes. As soon as I became humble, respectful, understood her viewpoint and apologized to her for having her to wait a long time and I thanked her for being patient. When she entered my office, she saw all the positive quotes about hurt no living being through mind, speech and body to the slight extent, she immediately shifted her attitude and apologized to me whereby alleviating her anger towards me.
Lastly, I make sure in any conflict situation that I do my best to understand another person’s perspective and then I reassure them that I understand their viewpoint. If it was my mistake in that situation I willingly, accept that it is my fault and take full responsibility of my behavior. I have come to realize that life is too short to argue just to prove my point of view, and then after a while I feel why did I argue as it does not matter, and I wasted my time arguing about it. The level of my conflict with people especially with my sisters, parents and work colleagues has decreased as I consider the viewpoint of another person and also I accept my mistakes and apologize to them. I am also conscious of how I speak as I don’t want to hurt anyone as Param Pujya Dadashri says, “Hurt NO living being through mind, speech and body to the slightest degree”.
