The story dedicated to
My Life and my wife…
Mrs. Suchismita Pani
When do you want to hear a ‘Lovely song’...?
When there is some pain or some most precious happiness of life in our heart; when there is some restlessness or some comfort that has gotten after a hard work; No matter whatever it is...; joy or misery, comfort or restlessness, that song made from the heart gives them a new destination… gives life a new twist…
This happiness, this sorrow, this discomfort and this calmness; what all these are...?
“Feelings…” And whenever there is such a feeling in the heart, it automatically becomes a beautiful song. Be with, like a true companion throughout life. Helps; ever in searching for a new life or ever in gathering the lost moments of the past life…
No matter how late, how much time goes out, but one day…, everything gets back... everything… just like my life…
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“Shruti…! You like Jalebi so much naa...?”
[Jalebi – A very well-known dish in Indian traditional sweets]
“Yeah dad…!”
“You sit here! I will bring hot-hot jalebis for you right now.”
“Ok dad…!”
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“Really…! Everything has changed. Whenever I try to look at my past life, I feel very strange. Never thought that my life would change so soon and in this way… But this is true and today, I am very happy with this truth of my life…
I’m Shruti…! Shruti Singhania…! And I live here… in Mumbai… Just 5 minutes’ walk distance from “Juhu beach”...
Today when I came towards this sea, my mind was completely relaxed; no stress, no tension, no questions; nothing… When Papa called me to go for a walk, I couldn’t describe the feelings that I felt. I was able to feel the joy of his heart nicely. It was clearly visible in his eyes that he is starting to be desperate to give me the happiness of my rights. He seems happy with my happiness more than me. Just with this, all the aspirations of a daughter are fulfilled. I want nothing more than this. Today, I can openly say that my father is the best father in this world.
But, some days ago there was nothing like this. My life was totally different. For peace, relaxation, smile, happiness, there was no place in my life. If my mind desired then I used to eat and drink. If my mind desired then I used to go to school. If my mind didn't wish for anything then either I used to sleep or used to go somewhere far away from all this. Nobody used to stop me. Nobody used to oppose me. Nobody used to say anything to me. When the mind becomes more depressed then I used to walk here; to this beach, with lots of complaints, lots of questions in mind. But, when I used to look for someone to ask then, I couldn't see anyone near me. Then when the pain used to increase more than limit, I used to talk to myself and with this sea. Yes! It is true that it didn't erase my heartache but, it used to fall a little. Always kept thinking that I don't know; what’s my relationship with this sea and with its restless waves who repeatedly pull me here. Begins to feel something special; something much my own, which I can’t take away from my life even if I want to…
That time, I wasn't going alone. Someone else used to be with me. Such a friend with whom every pain of my heart became a beautiful song. The song, by singing which, I used to fall in love with the life that had been separated for years.”
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“Take this Shruti...! Your… hot-hot Jalebis…!
Hey Shruti…! What is this…? You had forgotten your friend in the car...! Take…!”
“No dad...! I didn't forget it; rather I left intentionally. Because, I think, today, I don't need this friend, this violin anymore. Today, I have no unfulfilled wish, no unfinished dream. Neither any shortage nor any need; so, there is no pain either. So..., no song can be made without pain.”
“Daughter...! Don’t you remember what Mama said?
“For life, as much as grief matters, happiness also matters that much. No matter what the situation, life never leaves us alone, so why should we leave the accompaniment of life?”
Our own joy depends on us and our own sorrow also depends on us. The way we try to see this life, this life starts appearing to us like the same.”
“Yes, Dad! Remember! Remember everything! But, I don't know why despite remembering everything seems incomplete.”
“Incomplete…! But it can’t… Because, now there is love in your life. And where there is love, nothing remains incomplete even if it is incomplete.
Many things were incomplete yesterday. Today everything is complete. But, this is such a quest that has no end… Daughter…! There is no limit in the life that God has given us and..., in this life we can fill as much happiness as we want; uncountable... by adding little by little; from every little-little thing, from every little-little memory…”
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“Couldn't believe that, that day, Dad was saying all these things to me. Because, the life that Dad was praising that day, there was a day when Dad wanted to go far away from that life; used to hate so much that someone's laughing, singing, pleasuring seems poison to him. He had distanced himself from this love-filled world. "Love...” the word had no value for him. But, that day when I heard those words about life from his tongue, I was convinced that no matter how much we try to break the relationship with love, love doesn't leave us till our last breath. And on the other hand the other name of life is love too….
I thought friends would come in life for some special purpose. To help us fulfill that special purpose which we can’t fulfill alone, our destiny entrusts us with it. And… when all the needs are met, then... perhaps friendship won't remain so strong. But, I was wrong. Everything that fate has given us is very precious to us; forever. Happiness and sorrow will be found everywhere in life, but who we have to choose for our life depends entirely on us. The fulfillment of any one happiness in life doesn't end the reason for seeking happiness in life, nor does the need for those friends that fate has given us. I stopped playing the violin after everything in my life went right but, perhaps, fate didn’t want to let this happen. Because…, countless love was hidden in some part of that friendship. And I came to know about this when I started singing that song again…”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A Jindegi… Maine tere liye…
Dil se ki hai dua…
Chaahe koi teraa
Saath de ya na de
Main saath dungi sadaa
Main saath dungi sadaa
[“A life… I have done this prayer for you with my heart…,
Whether someone gives you support or not,
I will always be with you,
I will always be with you…]
Tu kabhi to kehtaa nahin
Hai tujhko bhi kisiki kami
Bas detaa hai dil khol kar
Fikr khud ki tu kartaa nahin
[You never say that you lack someone,
Just gives with open heart without worrying about yourself;]
Par maine badhaaya hai haath
Dungi har pal teraa saath
Chaahe yeh waqt badal jaaye
Chaahe badal jaaye din aur raat
[But, I have extended my hand to will be with you every moment,
Whether, this time changes, whether, it changes day and night;]
A Jindegi… Maine tere liye…
Sajaaya hai ek Sapna
Chaahe tham jaaye yeh
Dhadkan meri
Pura karungi yeh saath
Pura karungi yeh saath
[O life… I have decorated a dream for you,
Even if my heart stops,
I will complete this accompaniment,
I will complete this accompaniment…]
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“Wow…! Really…! Is very nice...! I have seen many people in the world who care about themselves, care about their family or their close relatives but, care about life..., It’s really awesome... Frankly, this thinking can't be of everyone.”
“Thanks for the compliment Aunty...! But, I haven't thought about anything in it. I just sang whatever sound came out of my heart...”
“Came out of heart…!”
“Yeah…! When the path of life takes us at such a point where there is no one to walk with, at that time the heart is everything for us. Only can believe in it, only can aspire from it...!”
“You talk so cute-cute things...! What is your name, daughter?”
“Shruti…”
“Really…! Nice name…! Hmm…! Now, I can understand why the heart wants to hear something from you again and again. Do you come here every day…?”
“Hmm...! Everyday...!”
“So...can we meet at this same place tomorrow…?”
“Yes...! Why not...! By the way, tell me something about you too…!”
“I'm "J.J", Janhvi Joshi..., the singer…!”
“Oh no…!”
“Why…?! Can't be...?”
“No…! I mean, I have heard a lot of songs...and I am also one of your fans…
Suddenly I couldn't believe it. I was so lost in my life that I didn't even look at your face properly. I didn't expect that I'd ever meet you and that too in such a way and so easily… I'm so sorry…”
“It's ok daughter…!”
“Well, actually, you have come in such a simple way that suddenly no one will recognize you. And also there ain't no bodyguards around you…”
“Hmm...! Sometimes you have to step out of the world of appearances to familiarize yourself with real life. We can't run away from the truth. This is my reality as I look now. Absolutely simple and far from appearance.”
“Can I ask you something…?”
“Yeah ask…!”
“What's the reason for this loneliness…?”
“Loneliness…! Perhaps, it won't be so easy to explain about this for me but, I will try to explain to you… Because, after a long time someone has recognized this loneliness, asked about it... And sometimes... by telling some secrets hidden in the heart, the heart becomes lighter and answers of some complicated questions are also found…”
“Hmm…! You’re right…!”
“Ok...! Then, see you tomorrow; same time and same place, what say...?”
“Sure…! Bye…!”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“My friends and those who knew me closely used to say that I play the violin very well. While touching its string, automatically it becomes something unique, something beautiful. This is all because I had made 'playing this Violin' a habit of my life.
Next…, the matter of my song then, I said it was the voice of my heart but, that voice is of my heart's joy or its pain that no one knew. Whenever a song used to come out of my lips, it always used to bring this question with itself: why is there so much pain in its words, why every time this song points to a story, about which, despite not knowing anything, seems familiar. And, fate answered it to me very differently; as a stranger.
That day, Janhvi Ma'am was absolutely right; “by telling some secrets hidden in the heart, the heart becomes lighter and answers of some complicated questions are also found…” My heart also wanted something similar…”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“Papa…!!! Carefully…!”
“Sorry, brother! Accidentally collided... Actually, I'm in a little hurry, that's why…”
“It's Ok! No problem! Sometimes, it happens like this. I'm ok. You can go.
……………….
Hey daughter...! What are you looking like…?”
“I love you, Papa!”
“I love you too, my gudia…! But, suddenly so much love for your Dad... Why...? What’s the matter?”
“Nothing...! Just like that!
Dad! Do you remember a few days ago how you used to stay silent and lost minded…? There was always loneliness and anger on your face. You used to get irritated over small things. I was afraid to talk to you.”
“Yes daughter! Remember! Remember everything...! I had lost myself somewhere in this big world. Neither did I recognize myself nor did my life. I was an incomplete person…”
“Incomplete Person…?”
“Hmm…! A person who loses that precious incomplete part of his heart while walking in the path of life, is called an incomplete person. That one mistake of my life has proved that even if you appreciate anyone else or not, you should definitely appreciate that person who considers you more than his life. Whether or not you understand anything in life, but the desire of that person must be understood for whom only your love is a reason to live.
Only this was my fault. Despite everything being in front of my eyes, I couldn't understand anything and couldn't see anything and she…!
After that I became hated by myself. There was no love left for life. I was standing in between two such ways where neither I was able to live properly nor could die by wishing.
It is not that I didn't have a reason to live, but the burden of that mistake which I made, crushed all my dreams and aspirations under its feet. I didn't have the courage to see my life again in a new way. I kept fighting with myself and hate and anger grew in my heart.”
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““Incomplete Person”… I was something like this too. Everything was in front of my eyes but I couldn't recognize anything. All the time, everywhere, just kept searching for answers to those questions in which there weren't only my rights. I didn't know at all that our life is not just for our living because that life is not called life, which can't make someone else's life happy. Not completely, but by then my heart was also starting to feel a bit afraid that I was losing my life somewhere.
After dusk, when the thought of returning home used to come to my mind, I started getting nervous. Because, I knew, when I returned home no one would be happy for me, nobody would be waiting for me impatiently. I used to roam every day, from here to there, there to here, new – new places. Everything was unknown to me; places, people, their words, habits, life, everything... Every day I used to see joy, sorrow, laughter, tears but, when I used to try to compare all of those with my life, my life seemed empty and meaningless to me. Because…, I didn't know that actually life is lived for whom...”
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Tum… Mere ho tum
Tumhare siwa kuch nahin hum
Tum… Mere ho tum
Tumhare siwa kuch nahin hum
[You… You are mine, without you, I’m nothing
You… You are mine, without you, I’m nothing]
Chaahat Jo… woh chaahat hi nahin
Tu Na Jo agar usmain shaamil nahin
Chaahat Jo… woh chaahat hi nahin
Tu Na Jo agar usmain shaamil nahin
[The desire… is not a desire, if you’re not involved in it
The desire… is not a desire, if you’re not involved in it]
Saasein hain teri
Dhadkan hai meri…
Mil jaaye yeh dono toh
Mit jaaye saare gam
[Breath is yours, pulsation is mine
If both of these are mixed then all the sorrows will disappear]
Tum… Mere ho tum
Tumhare siwa kuch nahin hum
[You… You are mine, without you, I’m nothing]
Din mera kat’taa nahin…
[The day of mine doesn't spend...]
[It’s a half line of the song and the song was also incomplete which will be completed later]
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“Shruti…!!! (In anger…)”
“Dad…! Have you written this song...?
How lovely it is…! I didn't know that my dad had such skills.”
“Where did you get this diary…?”
“Actually, I came to keep your ironed clothes in your room. While opening your cupboard I noticed that a lot of dust had settled down. So, while cleaning it, I found this diary there.”
“Did you read this...?”
“Not complete but…, little-little.”
“How dare you…? Are you really not so smart that you didn't know, “someone's personal diary shouldn't be read like this...?”?”
“I’m… just…”
“Just...! What…? Stay in your limits… ok…?”
“Limit...! Dad, what's that mistake I have made for which, you don't even want to give me a single moment of happiness…? Every time, there are limits for me... There is no such type of limit in the life of any of my friends. Then... Why only for me? Why can't I tell you anything openly…? Why do I have to wait every day to get time from you…? Why on every occasion, in every joy, you are not with me… Why…?”
“I have no answer to your these useless questions. Do you understand...? Now leave…”
“Yes Dad...! Of course...! I know you won't have any answer to any of my questions. Because, in your own life, you have become a question yourself. “Pankaj Singhania” The owner of India’s big garment industry “Favil”. Project, meeting, manufacturing, profit, loss, that's all you remember because, now all these are your life. Apart from all this you neither have habit nor need of anything; mine neither...”
Do you know Dad! Fathers of all my friends come to drop them off at school, come to take them back, and come to inquire about their misdeeds and studies done in school. When I see all that, my heart hurts. I start to groan inside, start to cry that despite everything I have, I have become completely alone in this crowd of the world. In spite of my right, I stand far away from the love of my right.
Do you ever feel a little bit of that pain in my heart…?
What's the reason for this punishment that I get every day…? Say Dad! Say...!”
“Get out…!”
“But…!”
“I say get out…!”
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“I didn't feel good saying all this to Dad that day, but had to say it without even wanting to. I still remember that day when I was saying all this at that time Dad showed anger but when I looked back then I saw his eyes were wet. What was the reason for those tears...? Somewhere in those questions which I asked, I had said something like that which tried to bring out the pain hidden in his heart. But, what was that pain which forced Dad not to recognize himself? The answer to all these questions was received something-something by me that day; in the pages of that Dad's diary…
Yes! On that day all the questions I asked to Dad were just an attempt to bring Dad's word of heart to his tongue. He was forced; only because of that secret hidden in his heart, which he never mentioned to anyone. A story that had imprisoned him in the chains of time. But, after all, what was that story? Just that day, I didn't get the answer to this question. “Which is that painful part of life which Dad doesn't want to look back…?” Trying to know this failed but, those drops of tears coming out of my Dad's eyes gave my search a little beacon…
Ever since I started recognizing the world, and started knowing what happiness is, what sorrow, from then, is I have never got that love, that affection from my Dad that a daughter should get? Neither any joke, nor any pranks, nor any worries, nor any discomfort, nothing was found that I should get from a father. But in spite of all this, my heart never stopped wishing, never thought that my wish would never be fulfilled. Probably because, the words which the tongue can never say, eyes describe those clearly. And, that little glimpse of his hidden love seen in Dad's eyes kept my desires alive in my heart always.
Just that day without thinking anything I changed the purpose of my life. I continued my quest to find happiness in life as it was before; but not just for myself; for Dad too because, on that day my heart was convinced fully that I could get my happiness only when that share of Dad's life would come back to him. 'But how?', 'where do I start?’ When thinking all these by sitting on the edge of the sea, at that time...”
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“So much silence…! What’s the matter…? Will not sing anything today…?”
“No ma’am…! This heart doesn't want to sing today.”
“Although there is no right to ask, still if you do not mind, can I ask what has stopped those sweet-sweet words of your heart from coming out today?”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“It's said, "If you want something from the heart, then it is surely got one day, even if it's a lost moment of life."
That day, something similar happened to me. When Janhvi ma'am wanted to know the reason for my trouble, at that time I felt that I would get lost answers to my questions somewhere near her and when I talked to her for a while then I began to get a way to reach the answer to all my questions slowly-slowly.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“Some relationships in the world don't start with permission; is made by feelings. Relationship of me and you has become something similar. You can ask me anything without hesitation.
Can I tell you something?”
“Yes, say…!”
“Yesterday, when you praised my song and said that everyone can't think like me then I told you that, that song was not a part of my thinking. It was just a voice of my heart.”
“Hmm…! I remember! So…! Did you say anything wrong...?”
“Actually, I told you the incomplete truth. The song wasn't just the voice of my heart, but also a call of my heart's hidden pain.”
“Hmm…! I know…”
“Means…?”
“That day when you were singing that song, I saw your eyes; it was telling a lot… It was impossible for me to deem the depth of everything but one thing that was knocking in my heart again and again, was 'your loneliness’...”
“Yes…! You’re right…! “Loneliness”, now this is the real identity of my life.”
“Somewhere the tears coming out of your eyes aren't saying that you are getting weak in front of this decision of fate…? If this is the case, then going ahead, you will get the trouble which is not of your rights. The pain doesn't separate from your inside until you make yourself someone's sympathizer. It is only fate that decides when and whose sympathizer you will become. Whose pain is related to your pain, fortune must be trying to show you this through somehow…”
“Yes…! Fate showed me, with whom my pain is associated. I want to finish that but, I don't know where the path starts to reach that pain. The same thing is breaking my spirit again and again and trying to push back towards that darkness from which I want to get out.”
“If fate has made you aware of that pain, then you will also find a way to reach that pain in it. Just one step you have to take with confidence. You have to recognize that precious life, you have to recognize whose precious breath and heartbeat is it?
“Trust”, the price of which your heart was trying to explain to you yesterday through the song you sang, was trying to show you that nothing is useless in this life. Especially when we are in some big trouble, tension or pain. This pain, tension, trouble, all these are one-one doors to reach new happiness in life. We just have to open that door somehow.
You are thinking that, how am I telling you all these things with such cleanliness…; right...? That is because, today on which path of life you're standing, I have already crossed it. It was not so easy for me. A part of the journey of life where the future destination has to be chosen only by us. A test in which only trust must be won. And, this step of my life has taught me today what the importance of love in life is. All the feelings throughout the world on one side and the feeling of love on one side. Every desire we have is tied into a limit. Happiness is found when desire is fulfilled and sadness is found when not fulfilled but only love is such a unique desire, in which happiness is found on completion, but if not fulfilled, then we have to endure an unbearable yearning. A yearning that doesn't let us live nor die.
Would you like to hear one story of such a type of love…?”
“Hmm…! Of course…!”
“Then listen…! This story begins with a little girl; just like you. She too had a lot of love for songs, music, melodies. In all this, she always saw a beautiful shadow of her upcoming life. Every day, she used to decorate a beautiful dream and kept it in her heart because there was no destination near her to turn those dreams into reality. No one in her house liked that she sang songs, giving music a special place in her life. They only wanted to keep imprisoned that girl in a common life and its responsibilities forever. But, there is no such decision in the world that can bow to the decision made by the heart. Many years later, that little girl became the most popular and wanted girl of the country's best college. If the result of the examination was out, then it was believed in everyone's heart that she would be named at the top of the list. It was her habit to say everything with a beautiful and light smile. In college, there was no quarrel with anyone nor did she boast of anything. Breaking the limits of the tongue, the face was saying something that would make anyone's heart compelled to understand the depth of love. On seeing her, this thought used to surely come in the heart of every college boy that if she had become a part of his life, all his wishes would have been fulfilled.
These were just those things which her heart was trying to show to all. Was identifying an outdoor life that has everything; There is no shortage of anything. But the part of her life that had the reason of finding the truth, love and happiness, no one had even thought to reach there. No one had tried to understand the depth of her heart where her love lives; that’s her soul.
There was some kind of search, there were some similar paths where you are standing today and she also saw her destination on the edge of this sea...”
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Humsafar… O mere humsafar
Itna bataa de jaraa… Tu hai kahaan
Saasein meri… meri har khusi
Tujhmain hi kahin… Hai chhupa…
[Fellow... oh my fellow, please tell me... where you are
My breath... my every happiness, somewhere in you ... is hidden...]
Ho gayi hoon mujhmain
Khud main kaid saa
Bepanaah chaahat ki
Kaisi mil rahi sajaa
[I have become imprisoned in myself
What kind of punishment is getting for unguarded desire…?]
Adatein… Adatein…
Goom ho rahi hai sabhi
Khusbuyen… Khusbuyen…
Fail rahi hai har ghadi
[All habits are getting miss…
Fragrances are spreading every second…]
Kaise hai bechainiyaan…?
[What’s this discomfort…?]
Paas le jaa mujhe… O mere jaaniyaa…
[Take me close… Oh my darling…]
Jaaniyaa… O mere jaaniyaa…
Itna bataa de mujhe… tu hai kahaan
Dhadkan meri… meri aasiqui
Tujh main hi hai… o humnaba…
[Darling ... oh my darling..., tell me only ... where are you...?
My heart beats ... my amour, only in you...]
Humsafar… O mere humsafar
Itna bataa de jara… Tu hai kahaan
Saasein meri… Meri har khusi
Tujhmain hi kahin… Hai chhupa
[Fellow... oh my fellow, please tell me... where you are
My breath... my every happiness, somewhere in you ... is hidden...]
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“How beautiful the lines are. The wait for a lost dream is clearly visible. If fate could hear then it would put that dream in front which has the real identity of life.”
“Yes! You are absolutely right. Something similar happened that day too.”
“Means…?”
“Pain has a very deep relationship with music. That day, there was a sweet song on the tongue and lots of pain in the heart. Confluence had to happen. And, the extent of desire in this confluence is so much that even fate is forced to listen to that voice.
After a long wait of years, the gift that fate had given to the girl was so pleasing to her heart that she made it the reason to her breath for the whole life.
It is said that 'a music is not called a music unless it is made to deserve a compliment of a genuine heart'. That's what happened that day… She was praised; A true heart's praise and reached to her heart straightly because, that compliment was not just a compliment but it was an answer in which the search for her years was the way to be completed.”
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“A true darling, true companion or true yours, whomever you want to give this title, I'm sure that he will be very lucky. The story of love can begin from anywhere, but it ends in one place; that’s our soul. Whoever you choose your life partner in your life, your love will support him throughout his life, everywhere, at every mode. I am a man and from the perspective of a man's desire, it is clearly visible in your song that your love is a special part of your soul, without which your life will always be incomplete. And, there is no end to the love that is written by the soul.”
“Thank you…! Thank you very-very much…! To give me the answer in which all the questions of my life were imprisoned…”
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“The boy replied to that 'Thank you' just by smiling and had ended the conversation of that day there but that girl who slept on the bed at night was not comfortable at all. Not only that night, the other nights ahead, she just spent by turning her sides on bed. The one thing that is most needed in life, restlessness of the heart increases slowly-slowly when it goes away, without which even passing a single moment becomes equal to impossible. But all this happens at that time when our breath is snatching from us…! “So, has the heart wanted someone like this in the first meeting that it has become more valuable than breath?” She kept searching for this answer everywhere. Then one day suddenly that answer came to the girl itself; in exactly the same way she was expecting in her mind.
A very big 'Art Exhibition' was going on. Various types of beautiful paintings of famous painters were included in that. That voice reached the ears of the girl from somewhere in that crowd of thousands, which she was eagerly waiting for...
"Love at first glance doesn’t last long, the more meetings in love, the trust increases more; can be known, and can be understood by each other very well.” Whenever it comes to the definition of true love, all these things come out of everyone's tongue. There is not even a little truth in all these things, because there is no relation of love with the time. How many times I met someone, it's not necessary, but how and why I met her, that's important. And... Just one moment is enough to fall in love. The moment in which the reason for unconditional love is seen.
There are small-small needs and shortcomings in everyone's life but, that special need without which it will be difficult to move even one step ahead in the path of life. To fulfill it, fate sends someone special to us. But, who is that special one, where is she, how can she be identified? Sometimes many similar types of questions arise in front of us, whose answers everyone can't find. Then, by forgetting all the things around you, by closing your eyes and with a calm mind, ask the same question to your heart once again, you will get your answer immediately...””
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“The girl did exactly that. By closing her eyes, by forgetting everything and away from every feeling, attaching the heart in search of a new feeling, she asked... “Who is he ...?””
“Then…?”
“In our life, there is no more wealth precious than happiness and when it is found, that joy can't be conveyed by words. The girl was also in a similar situation after listening to the answer to the question asked to her heart. The girl had seen life, had seen the world, had seen the people living in the world, but in those people she didn't see anyone in whom she could see her shadow. The greatest happiness of life comes when someone starts understanding your most precious dream, appreciates it, and introduces you to your lost part. Then no one seems to be more than that person. That day that precious person of that girl's life was standing in front of her...”
“After that…?”
“The girl got answers to all her questions. She was fully convinced that her breath was now imprisoned in someone's heart. She fell in love at first sight; in true love. For the first time no one had praised her face and body but her soul; was praised for those words in which her heart was seen clearly. The true identity of a true life partner is how he recognizes the heart, what's the cost of someone's dream for him. If there is such a turn in life tomorrow when there is no one nearby to walk with, there is no one nearby to support, at that time, will he co-operate…? “Yes”, her heart answered this...
Then through one of her friends, she found out everything about that boy. He was the owner of a very big company. He had no shortage of money, power, vehicle, bungalow, servants, anything. Repeatedly, she was trying to intermingle her life with that boy's life, and each time nothing was found except just for the feelings. "Feelings" is the only way to see any heart clearly like a mirror. Love deepens when a pain intermingles with another pain, shortcomings mixes with lacks of someone. Nothing was visible from outside, but still there was something in the life of that boy that needed to be completed. This was the reason that being lonely, loneliness was slowly-slowly going out from her life. For years, the loneliness that kept her life under control, she started to forget that loneliness.
The next day she decided to tell the situation of her heart to that boy. She went straight to her office but the boy refused to meet her. 4-5 times she kept going around the boy's office, but the boy didn't come to meet her even once. Yes! It is true that the boy didn't talk to her about love before. The girl didn't know whether the boy has any importance of love in his life or not but, if there was no point then why was he not coming forward? This suspicion was intensifying that little light of love burning in the girl's heart. She decided, "Not anymore". Tomorrow, she will definitely talk to the boy. Once again, she will definitely try to bring those new feelings to his heart, even if...!
She was going to tell him about her heart suddenly. If seen, such a path whose destination was not visible. If he refuses, will she be able to listen…? Will that pain be easy for him to bear…? When the same question the girl's friend asked to her, the girl replied by saying...”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“Why only he in millions and crores…? Why not any other one...? Don't know she saw dying of how many dreams again and again. There was no hope for so many years. Then, why am I suddenly seeing a way to get back all those lost dreams today? He’s totally like me. He has everything still he is far away from his life. Eyes tell everything. Now the extent of love in the heart has increased so much that it doesn't want to listen to 'No'. Still, if he says no then I won't be stubborn nor ask anything... Because, I know that his ‘no’ will be a big compulsion for him...”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“There is no capacity for fear in front of trust. This was proved in the boy's office that day. That day a very important meeting was going on in the office. Very famous people from big-big companies across the country were there. Office was completely busy. When the girl and her friend reached there and talked about meeting the boy...”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“Ma'am! You have been here 4-5 times and every time you have to leave from here disappointed. You should understand that Sir doesn't want to meet you.”
“Today, I have come by deciding that I'll meet him surely.”
“But ma'am! It's impossible to meet today because today, a very big meeting is going on here. On the other hand, you didn't fix any appointments to meet Sir. So, sorry…! I can't help you…”
“See...! It’s very important for me to meet him today. It's a question about my whole life. Please, let me go to him just once….”
“Try to understand Ma'am! Sir can't meet you under any circumstances today. You do one thing, whatever message you want to give, write it in this paper and give it to me. When Sir gets free, I will give it to him.”
“See...! He doesn't know my name but recognizes me. Please, let me meet him once!”
“Sir don't know your name but recognize you. What kind of strange thing are you saying? See! Please go from here. If Sir listens to these misguided words then will get very angry. Please Ma'am! Go...!”
“Fine...! I also see how he won't meet me. I will wait here till the meeting is over. When he comes, I will go to meet him.”
“If you don't leave the office within 5 minutes, then I will have to call the security.”
“What are you doing…? Look...! If your family found out about this, then you know what will happen. There will be a lot of ruckus. They are about to call security. Please, listen to me! Let's go from here!”
“You haven't heard what I said...? I won't go anywhere without meeting him. I have no need to be afraid of these people. I haven't done anything wrong.”
“Fine...! Hello…! [On call] Security...! Come in. A madam is standing here, take her outside.”
………………………………
“What the hell is this...? Leave my hand! I say leave my hand…!”
“Stop…! What's all this going on…? This is my office ... not any cheap roadside grocery shop... understand…! Security…! Please… out!”
“Yes sir…!”
“I tried to explain to her a lot that today, a very big meeting is going on in the company, but she isn't ready to understand. That's why I was forced to call the security. Sorry Sir…!”
“It's ok... Let it... And keep in mind that in this office anything shouldn't happen like this again...
And… Ma’am…! What’s your problem…? Despite knowing that I am busy, why were you stubborn to meet? I don't even know you... Then why…?”
“But Sir, since a long time, she’s been stubborn that I want to meet Sir, he recognizes me, it's the question of my life, etc.… etc.…”
“What nonsense…! I said I don't know her...”
“Yes of course! Your sir doesn’t know me…”
“But ma’am you were saying…”
“Just shut up! Your sir said that he doesn't recognize me. That means he doesn't really recognize me. So no more discussion on this topic…!”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
““I don't know her”, she never thought she would hear this. She had had such a dream that she didn't know anything about it. The person whom she had come to make her own forever by speaking about her heart was not even recognizing her. Still the girl didn't lose courage. From her name to about the first meeting, from her feelings to the situation of her heart, she kept trying to remind the boy everything but that boy didn't recognize anything. Likewise, I remained standing unaware. The girl yearned to see a glance of his love, but the boy gave nothing but intolerable pain with his anger filled eyes.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“The dream that I used to seek everywhere since childhood, suddenly after years, it appears to me near someone. In one evening, that person told me so many things that everything she said didn't let me sleep all night. How many nights have I spent by turning my sides in the bed…? As many times I have been searching for peace and relaxation, every time, I find my breath has been imprisoned in someone's heart. Searching like crazy everywhere, what's the reason for my yearning is but, not found near anybody. Then suddenly a few days ago...
“Sometimes such questions are found in life, which not everyone can answer. Then, by not despairing, close your eyes and ask the same question to your heart just once. You will get your right answer in an instant.”
I did exactly that and I also got my answer but to which person the heart decided to make my friend, today some of the things he said that took me and made me stand again at the same place from where I started this journey.
“What…! What rubbish you are…!”
“Yes! This is true. Like this, it happened so soon that I didn't even know myself. But, everything that happened was very valuable to me. And..., now it seems like those precious moments will have to be considered precious memories for me.”
I came by deciding that I won't ask anything if the answer is 'No', I will go away forever and never look back again. It was the voice of the heart that needed to reach you. I have delivered. Just..., I don't want anything else. Just one question for the last time before leaving. Whatever you said in the exhibition that day, do you personally obey those things by heart…? Do ask this question once to your heart... If it responded yes, then it would be difficult for you to bear the pain of that time. Then you will understand by yourself that the pain that I am taking from here with me today is so deep. Without hearing the evocation of the heart, another heart can never be yearned. You will quickly understand that everything I said today is not rubbish.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“Not even once did the boy try to stop the girl...? About her true feelings, about her decorated sweet-sweet dreams, about the restlessness growing in her heart every moment, even after hearing everything, he was able to let her go…? And that girl…! Wasn't her decision a hasty decision...? Left the wait of years so easily…”
“No! The decision the girl had made at that time was absolutely correct. If she would try to explain that boy a little more then, it would become her stubbornness and stubbornness reduces the trust of love.
She had to prove the truth of her love. Once the thread of love is tied, its breakdown is impossible. The girl was fully confident that her heart was telling the truth and everything she felt about the boy was true. She knew it well that the pain she had gone through that day, the boy would feel the same pain very quickly. That is what happened. After returning from the office that day, the boy's mood was not like before. Everything had changed. Took food on the plate but couldn’t eat. When switched on the T.V., every word of the girl was heard instead of the program. Whole night he kept turning his sides to bed but there was no sign of sleep in his eyes. There was exactly the same restlessness in the heart that had imprisoned the girl's entire life in her fist a few days ago. His own life too began to appear to him a confusion which he had to solve very quickly. The pain was increasing slowly-slowly. He was in great need of a helping hand. But, in the path he had reached, there he was completely alone. The same seashore, the same evening 5 o'clock, the same sound of sea, the same fast moving cold-cold air. Still it seemed like nothing was complete. The heart feared that perhaps, the relation is meaningless, a path which has no destination, life can be given a new look by compromise. If all this was true then why is the heart refusing to accept all these things today? Why does it want to see someone in every part of this life…? So, is my condition the same as it was…? Am I also…? Many such questions were increasing the anxiety in that boy's heart and due to repeated thinking about all this, pain started increasing in his head.
There was a coffee bar at some distance. If not answer then a cup of coffee..., but he was very much in need of some peace. After some time, suddenly his attention went backwards, because from behind he heard the girl's name from someone's tongue. He was unaware of the girl his heart had chosen for him. Where she lives, what she does, her life, her family, nothing, and in all this her name from the mouth of a stranger was like a light for him in the darkness of his heart. He immediately ran backwards; to find out who identifies that girl. On reaching near, it was found out that the girl was a regular customer of that coffee bar. She came there a while ago, but she got a call from someone and in a hurry she left her violin there. So the manager of the bar was talking to one of his working boys by giving the violin to deliver it to the girl's house. 'Girl's house!’ He felt as if fortune wanted to help him to overcome his heart's discomfort. Then, without thinking further he told the bar manager...”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“Can I deliver this violin to her...?”
“You…!”
“It's whose violin, she is my friend. Actually, our friendship is only a few days old. Today, she planned to take me to her house for the first time but I was a little late in coming, so she went away in anger. I don't even know her home address. Can't understand what to do…”
…………………………….
Why are you seeing me like this…? It seems that you have some doubts about my words…!”
“No sir…! Not at all…! This coffee shop of mine is very old and is very close to home. In this coffee shop probably won't have anyone who doesn't know you…? Heard a lot about you from your company members, neighbors, so there is no chance of doubting... Just didn't expect to see you like this and in this uneasiness.”
“This restlessness is for the answers that are very important to find. There is definitely such a moment in everyone's life that forces him to change. Then it becomes very difficult to keep something imprisoned in the heart. So… Can I take it…?”
“Yeah! Of course!”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“Being ignorant, rejecting someone's love so badly; perhaps, he did very bad. The whole way boy was thinking just that. After some time when he reached the girl's house, there was no place left for 'perhaps' in his thinking; because, punishment of ignoring someone's true love, the girl was getting it very badly; very badly…
She was an orphan. If someone's rule was obeyed at home, he was his uncle; who didn't like her at all. For him, she was just a heavy burden on his head for his whole life. Every time heartbreaking sarcasms, any happiness or any festival just used to reach her eyes and change its sides. She was not in any special part of his life. And… in such a burdensome life, it was reported from neighbors that that girl expressed her love to a boy in an office full of people and the boy refused to recognize her. For them, it was like eating poison. The extent of anger in the heart was increasing and that anger was being repaid by beating. He wanted to stop but his limit was only till the door. To go beyond that he needed a relationship which he himself refused to recognize. The extent of helplessness in the heart was so much that it seemed as if he had inadvertently given such a life to the girl that was worse than death. He couldn't wait any more and knocked on the door…”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“You…! How are you there…?”
“Mmm…! Actually… Your Violin…! You left it in that coffee bar...
What Happened…? Looks like you're a little upset...”
“Not upset, I’m shocked…! It is strange that the girl whose feelings are not so appreciative for you, her violin is worrying you so much. It’s really strange...
Anyway… thanks for it…!
……………………….
What happened…? Do you have anything else to say…?”
“Mmm…”
“Oh come on…! This much I know that you haven’t come here just to return this violin. This was just an excuse. Now... what you really came to say, say it…!”
“I want some time from you, I want to say some important things.”
“Okay...! Tomorrow...! Exactly at the same time and same place.”
“If you don't mind, can I ask a question?”
“Yeah ask…!”
“When I came here some sounds were coming from inside. I listened. All those...!”
“All of those are my reality, my real life. That’s it… Don't ask anything further! I can't say…”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“The girl refused clearly to ask anything further about that and also wiped her tears but, the moisture of fresh crying in her eyes made the boy's heart even more restless. Waiting till yesterday evening was not easy for him. But, still he did; to change his life, to see life again from that point of view that he had deliberately forgotten.
The next day, both boy and girl arrived at the exact same place but the restlessness on the boy's face was clearly read by the girl.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“I thought everything was over. Didn't expect that we would ever meet again, talk again. Something that can’t be hidden without saying in the heart. Feels like nowhere is peace. Every moment I feel as if I did some big crime.
Not every fault has only one face. Some mistakes can't be called wrong even if they are wrong, because they are a way of correcting something bad. When that approach goes against the decision made by the heart, it becomes a compulsion. That day, I was also in a similar situation. I remember your name, this place and all the things that happened between us that day. Yet knowing everything, I remained unaware. I didn't want to consciously recognize the feelings for me that had started to build its place in your heart slowly-slowly because, that feeling of yours which happiness was expecting from me, I could never fulfill.
I couldn't do anything in life with my own will. This music, this tune, which once lived in a special place in my heart, I have lost in some darkness. Today, when I want to adopt the same music and the same tune, I only get restless, get pain. Till the date this heart has always lived alone. There are so many things imprisoned in this heart that, no one has ever tried to understand those till today. When the maze of wealth and money starts appearing at the end of every path, then the man is unable to understand the importance, price and necessity of any relationship. And over that, a terrible madness; the madness of stubbornness, which I had no way to overcome. Sometimes by looking at the clock on the wall, I thought that, I should let all the needles rotate like this, let the time pass by like this; so that, once somewhere in a while, these needles will stop in such a place where all my lost moments will return to me. Looking at this changing world, I had given up hoping, but don't know why I couldn't stop waiting; only for this heart. This heart neither broke itself nor let me. Just always kept wishing for a new light inside. And today…
Just, this was my story and this was the truth of my inhumanity of that day.”
“Not knowing all this, I knew that there is a lot of pain in your story. That's why I fell in love with you. Don't know why you feel that you are not capable of fulfilling any of my happiness, but the day my heart started to understand you deeply, then it saw my every happiness only in you. You said that your heart had neither let you nor let itself broken. Just kept wishing for a new dawn to come. That is because you don't recognize the feelings that your heart has understood. Unfulfilled wishes, unfulfilled dreams, unfulfilled happiness, everything is incomplete. And, life never leaves the journey incomplete without finding any destination. Why are you thinking that the road ahead is meaningless for you? Why are you not supporting those dreams in your heart in which the address of that new dawn is hidden somewhere?”
“You said it right...! Could not recognize... The fear of increasing pain didn't let me recognize any feeling. But last night, when I reached your house; then there...”
“There…?”
“I saw there that, no matter how deep the pain is, it is very easy to bear it. The stains of the body didn't disappear, but how easily have you hidden the stain of the heart…
Is it really that easy for you to live that life where every moment there is visible a new way of snatching the breath…? An environment in which anyone can easily forget to smile. Then, how do you…?”
“Smile, joy, all of these had no connection with my life far away. If there was any relationship, then only with the shortcomings and the needs of life. A feeling of belonging to someone in this lonely life; then whether anyone considers me his own or not.”
“‘Considering your own or not’ isn't a problem but the problem is ‘even after having a relationship, making someone an outsider or stranger’. Better than tolerating that trouble, life should be given a second chance. Life should start again from a place where you can see the shadow of your lost happiness, dreams and belongingness.”
“Then why didn't you do it?”
“Actually, I…”
“It’s ok! It's true that you have recognized the feelings, but why, for whom is that feelings, the answers to these questions are still to be found. And…, you can't answer this alone…
Anyway…! Night is about to fall. I should have to go now…”
“Don't you worry about the thought of going home?”
“What…?”
“Hmm…! I do…! But, I can’t do anything… This is the only way. Life hasn't taken any turn. So, I have to wait for its decision.”
“Good Night…!”
“Can you stay awhile...?”
“If it's too late, then thousands of questions will arise. I have to go...!”
“Please…! Just a little while more... Some things that need to be said.”
“Ok…!”
“Some words of my heart that I kept stopping from coming on the tongue, want to tell you today. I had talked to you for a few moments that day, but after returning home, I was not able to sleep peacefully. A new feeling; A beautiful feeling was moving towards this heart by taking new-new steps and along with this the fear of losing it forever, which was increasing the restlessness of heart moment by moment. Such a new feeling after so many years; will really give all happiness or will leave my hand in the middle path to a yearning lifetime, I didn't know. Therefore, I had decided that I would never allow those feelings to be a part of my life. I will take away myself from every memory of yours that was making me weak. I will forget that meeting and everything that I said. But that day, in the office, those things that you said forced me to change my decision. I thought that only I was suffering for this decision of fate, but your pain was increased to a greater extent than me and somewhere I was the reason for that. All these things had woven many questions into the heart, whose answers became very important to know.”
“But do you think there is any point in saying all these things?”
“Yes, it is...! It means...! Because, today I don't want to compromise my life. I want to live this life freely. Today, I need that light which will brighten all the moments of my coming tomorrow forever. Can’t tolerate this thick darkness of helplessness anymore. I want to take the first step of this new life as soon as possible, but not alone ...; with you...
Yes! Today I need you, your love very much...”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“After that…? Aunty…! Aunty…!”
“Yes…! Yeah! Say Shruti…!”
“Where are you lost...? And… these tears in your eyes…”
“No…! It’s nothing… Just…”
“What happened after that? What did she answer?”
“The desire that had become unknown to her even before she had made his own, was requesting to make her its own forever by spreading its arms that day. How could she refuse? After that there was no place for any resentment nor any complaint in the heart. “No matter how much the world changes, she will never leave the boy. No matter how difficult a time it is, she will break herself but will never break the boy's heart. Whatever will be the situation tomorrow, she will always be with him”. With all these promises, the girl put her first step in the boy's life.
New life, new dreams, new experiences and new-new ways of living; in all these discussions, both had forgotten about the time. It was the night 10:30. When the girl turned on the phone, there were 24 missed calls. She was abusing herself that “why did she put the phone on silent mode”. It was not too late for both of them to understand that the condition of the house would have changed completely. The boy finely understood the nervousness in the girl's mind and said by holding her hand…”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“I’m with you… There is no need to be afraid. I will go with you. Today, nothing will be hidden in the heart, won't be afraid of any fear. Today, only we will be both and the truth of our life.”
“But, you know that no one will adopt this relationship in my house...”
“And… you…?”
“Don't you trust me?”
“I have… I have full trust in you… but, perhaps, you haven’t.”
“It's my care for you...”
“If it is delayed more, the reason for this care will be over. I will be over…”
“Please don’t say that… don’t say…”
“Don't give up after coming so far with this confidence. Now the time has come to tell the world about this trust. The time has come to be free from all painful relationships. Promise me that, today at your house, you will only say what your heart will say. The luggage that you will bring with you while returning from home, will have the same heart. Promise me…!”
“Promise…!”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
““Promise”, is very easy to say but more difficult to fulfill. Still the girl did with ease because the trust she had got from the boy was very true and strong which could never be broken. After some time, when both of them reached the girl's house, the girl's uncle opened the door. Seeing them together, he didn't say anything at first but what he wanted to say was clearly visible in his eyes. His eyes were red with anger. Seeing that motionless anger, the girl had a feeling of fear in her mind, but then the boy held her hands compulsively and gave a slight gesture with the eyes.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“Uncle…! You already know him. Actually uncle, we both have decided to get married but, without your blessings this marriage won’t be complete.”
“One minute…! You have decided to get married, right...? Then what’s the need of my blessings…? After breaking all the relations from this house, you can do anything freely. Because…, in this house only that happens, what I want… You know it well.”
“Relations…!!! How can I finish what I never had? Uncle is considered equal to father but a daughter is only a daughter, whether it is for a father or an uncle. My parents left my hand in the middle of the life. What was my fault in this…? Just because I was so young, I couldn't take care of myself, couldn’t handle myself… What would have happened if you had not supported me…, lived on the street, begging, and wore old and torn clothes, but…, there would have been peace surely in the heart… But..., you pushed me to hell in the name of supporting me where every way to reach happiness was closed…”
“You consider yourself the king of this house but your status is not even equal to a servant. Because, who doesn't know to respect a woman, doesn't know to appreciate her dreams, her feelings, he doesn’t deserve any respect and honor in this world. Respect, love and worship should only be given to that person who really deserves it. Today will be exactly the same. From today, she‘s my property. Every corner of this city is known about my ability. That's why, beating is far away, if someone thinks wrong about our relationship or tries to bring any problem in our life then I will ruin his life. Understand…?”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“A courage that doubled the desire to live. There was no nervousness, no deficiency or worry, there was no place for anything after that day. There was a beautiful life in front of her and the streets were adorned with flowers to walk in it. She won't have to bear any pain again, no dream will have to be renamed as a settlement, after taking such a beautiful turn again this life won't take any heartless turn. In a short period of time, she had decorated many dreams. But, life turns again; suddenly turns and that turn was so heartless that it gave nothing but pain till the last breath of life.”
“What happened in that turn?”
“The pain of losing life forever in such darkness from which it can never be brought back. The boy had brought the girl far away from that hell-filled life given by her uncle. Bought a beautiful house for her, gave her a good job and made all preparations to make all her dreams and aspirations come true. He was performing all the duty of being a true soulmate but in all this he didn't say anything about the girl at home. If anyone were in the boy's home and family then he is his father. He was neither a bad person nor a bad father. After the death of his wife, he raised his son very well. By giving a good education, he made his son so capable that at the age of 25, he had all the merits of running the country's largest company. Even after doing so many things, that boy didn't like his father much and neither did he have the love and respect that a son should have for his father. There were only two reasons behind this. One was his pride and lust over money and second one is all his decisions taken out of stubbornness and madness. These two bad habits always kept distance between him and his son. If someone was short of money, he was equal to the waste for him whom he liked to throw out of his life. And something that has no connection with money, he wouldn't let it come in his life. That's why he didn't like music or anything related to music, because music has no relation with money till the far away. By swearing to die himself, he kept music away from his son’s life forever. He didn't even have the slightest idea of how his son is feeling after losing the only reason to see his life happy. And… like that, gradually, his life became silent.”
“The time that passed was different and the thing that happened this time was different. He was in true love with someone. The new part of his life that he couldn't think of losing nor could he sacrifice for anyone's insanity and meaningless stubbornness.
Then one day, when the boy returned from the office at night, his father seemed very happy. Decorations, sweets and bouquets all around the house. He couldn't understand what was happening. And… when he asked his father the reason for all this, he replied...”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“Son! I have fixed your marriage.”
“What…! My marriage…!”
“Yes...! So, what's the surprising thing in this…? All the boys of your age whom you know, all your friends, all those have already crossed this step of life; except you. Loneliness reduces the limit of life, prohibits every way to reach our smile and joy. What's the reason for your enmity for yourself?”
“Please Dad! I don't want to say anything about it.”
“Son! Please, try to understand me. I’m not your enemy. I can't make any wrong decisions for you. At least, let me give a chance to do something for you as a father... And…, the girl I have chosen for you is really perfect for you.”
“Really…! How…?”
“She‘s beautiful, intelligent and her family is absolutely equal to ours. There is no shortage of money, wealth and all types of comfort. Therefore, it will be very easy for her to understand your heart and its emotion because she grew up in the same environment in which you grew up.”
“The environment in which I grew up...! Then she must have forgotten what life is... just like me…”
“After all, why do you talk such things all the time which have no meaning…?”
“Talk meaninglessly is your habit, not mine; because according to you, which girl has a beautiful face, good sense, equal status, money, wealth, luxury everything, that girl is perfect for me.”
“Yeah! Of course! So, what else do you want more than this?”
“Love…; the real reason for choosing someone as a life partner. The greatest wealth, the greatest status and the greatest need of making someone your life for the lifetime and from whom I will get that love, right to find that is only mine. Sharer of my every day, every night, every happiness, every sorrow and all the decisions in my life will come to this house only by my own wish; only by my own wish… Do you understand dad…?”
“Only by your wish…! Whenever you think to make any decision on your own wish, every time only my loss is visible in this.”
“Of course Dad…! I know well that in my every happiness you see your loss. For some time, by forgetting the businessman inside you, you'll think like a father, I can never think of this. You have a heart but you stand far away from its feelings; what you never understand.”
“Then who can understand; that ordinary orphan girl...?”
“So, you already know everything…”
“Whether you feel my decision is right or wrong, it doesn't matter to me but, whose own life is buried under heavy burden, she can never support my son for the whole life. I can never allow her to come into this house.”
“I knew that after knowing everything you would say this but this time I won’t ask you for permission of anything, rather I will take my own decision and my decision is that she will definitely come to this house…
If the need of anything is taken away from life, then the heart aches. You won't understand that yearning, Dad. On one hand you say that I’m your only and loving son and on the other hand, you put the price of every happiness of the same son; of my childhood, of my dreams, of my music, of everything. You took away every happiness from me. But not this time. This time I’m not alone. This time somebody is, for whom I'm the only reason for every upcoming moment in her life and because of your meaningless stubbornness, I can't sacrifice every happiness of these two-two lives.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“The boy's father had clearly understood that, at which stage of love his son had reached, it’s impossible to bring him back. So, he chose another route which was the main destination of this whole story.
The next day, when his son went to the office, he went straight to that girl...”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“May I know, who are you?”
“No! You don't know me but you know my son very well. Because, he was saying that you love him very much.”
“Omg! Dad! You…!”
“I’m not your Dad…! I haven’t given you this right yet. Just like my son, I don't suddenly give all the rights to anyone. So, for now you can just call me ‘Uncle’.”
“I’m sorry, Uncle! There will never be such a mistake again.
So Uncle! Please say, what would you like to drink; tea, coffee or some cold drink…?”
“Oh! Please no formalities…! But, apart from all this you can do a lot more for me.”
“So, please say...! What can I do for you…? I'd love to do something for you…”
“You would love to do or hate to do that I don’t know but one thing I know that only you can do what I want.”
“Wow! I'm so excited to have my task. Please, say no uncle!”
“Wait! Wait! Wait! Before I say my point, I clearly state one thing. You have to promise me that in any case you will fulfill what I said and after listening to me you won’t change your decision.”
“You don’t worry uncle! You're his father to whom I love. If I fulfill any of your heart's desires then he'll be very happy for me and I can happily die for his every joy and laughter.”
“Good…! Very Good…! I just expected the same kind of trust from you but, you don’t worry. I won't ask you anything like this for which you would lose your life but yes, while fulfilling my wish, you may definitely suffer like losing your life.”
“Means…? Didn’t understand…”
“Actually, my son doesn’t love me at all because, he thinks, I have kept his life, his dreams captive, don’t let him live by his wish. But, he doesn’t understand that, nothing is greater for a father than his son's life. He always wants to keep protecting his son from all the troubles, from every pain of the world.”
“He used to have a best friend named ‘Naresh’ in his childhood. Then one day, when I returned home in the evening, I came to know that my son wasn't at home; had gone to Naresh's birthday party without telling me. I'm not late to understand that, someone else's importance was beginning to be higher than mine. The very next day I did something for which Naresh's father faced a great loss in his business. The condition had become so worse that he had to leave the city. I got my son back.
A few years later a similar incident happened again. One day in the evening my son asked me for Rs. 20,000. When I asked the reason, he said that he has to buy a violin. Further, when I investigated it then I came to know that a new teacher came to his college who recognized his love for music hidden in his heart and also enhanced the idea of making music a necessity of his life. Son of such a big businessman of the city and his life will be a slave to a cheap thing like music; for me, this thing was impossible to tolerate. The next day, that teacher didn't appear in the college. He was transferred somewhere far away and do you know who had transferred him...? It’s me…
4-5 luxurious houses in the city, crores of rupees in the bank account, don't have to do any small work with hands, there are so many servants for that. Wherever he'll go, will go gracefully, that's why all the luxurious cars around the world stand under his feet. All these are proof of how much I love my son.”
“Of course uncle! You love your son very much. Everyone will agree with this. Also I… But, even after doing all this, you couldn't make that place in your son's heart, which was really yours. No doubt about that, you’re a very good businessman. So, obviously you love money very much. It is very-very important in your life and it's also true that having more money reduces many problems in everyday life. But only for this reason, we can't make money a part of our life, can't make a reason for our living; reason for every dream and happiness. No one can evaluate the price of dreams and happiness because, without these two, life becomes colorless and meaningless. Hardly this is why these are given higher status than every other wealth in the world…
Sorry Uncle! I believe that as a father you wanted to fulfill every wish of your son but because of the arrogance of money, you could never recognize that desire of your son, which he kept expecting from you all the time.”
“And you want to say that you have recognized that desire...?”
“If the desire is the same then it doesn't take long to identify. To whom the heart loves most, it wishes only one thing from that person. That’s ‘Love’. And when this only wish is fulfilled, after that every need of life begins to disappear slowly-slowly. Your son loves you very much, therefore, he keeps trying to make you feel the biggest desire of his life again and again…”
“My son is innocent. He can't understand the illusion of this showing off world. But, I'm not as innocent as him. I'm older than him so, I have a lot of experience about this world, about the people here, about their habits. Therefore, if he inadvertently makes any mistake, I can't let that happen…”
“When love increases beyond limits, it becomes a reason to imprison someone's life. Everything you have talked to me till now, from those things, I have understood clearly that, you don't want me to have any relationship with your son…”
“A good specialty of intelligent people is that they understand anything very quickly. You got it right. I absolutely want this. Without telling, without explaining anything, without giving any pain to my son, please get out of his life.”
“At night when a dream comes, it breaks even if in a light sound and the heart doesn't hurt for it. I wish the dream I have had would be something like that but alas it isn’t so. The place where this dream has reached, there, it's impossible to break. If it happens then it will hurt; to me and as well as to him. No matter how hard it is, it’s impossible to win from this discomfort.”
“But, losing is not my habit nor is it in my nature. Till the date, what I have wished for, I have surely achieved that thing. Even if for that I have to do anything.”
“This time which desire is awakened in the heart, it's not just about fulfilling any precious dream nor is it about starting any new relationship. This desire is just about that incomplete part of life without getting which this spirit will never be relieved. Will it really be this much easy for you...? Will you be able to stop him…?”
“No…! I know well that I can’t stop him this time and this time I don't want my son's heart to feel any pain for a cheap girl like you... I have already fixed his marriage with a girl in my acquaintance. Yesterday evening I was waiting impatiently at home to tell him this. I was very happy but, only because of you he refused to marry. My heart got sad. You have to pay for it. You will have to be punished... And your punishment is that you have to say this to my son that you don’t love him. Every feeling of your heart for him just lies… just only lies… Got it…!”
“No Uncle...! I can’t… I promised you that I’ll fulfill your wish... But, if I fulfill this wish of yours, then that promise which I gave to someone else will be broken. Don’t force us both to give this rigorous examination.”
“Oh! How stupid you’re…! What do you think, you will promise me and then will refuse to fulfill it and I’ll accept it…? Never…! I told you no, “Losing is not my habit nor is it in my nature. I have surely achieved that thing which I have wished for.” Today, will be exactly the same. My son is my life. I have tried to give him every happiness in the world but after his mother's death, even after wanting, I couldn't give him a family that was full of joy and laughter. I always have only one wish in my heart that this emptiness of his life should be filled soon. That’s why, I want my son's life partner to be such a girl within whom he can feel every relationship of the family near him…
And..., you want me to give this right to you, who has no idea what is 'Family'? What does it feel like, what’s the joy of its being? Whose own life is buried under someone's burden, she is trying to bring newness in someone else's life. How strange is it…?”
“Like hunger realizes the value of food, similarly, the shortcomings and needs of life help in strengthening a relationship. Then slowly-slowly everything starts getting easier. Just a chance is needed.”
“And..., I will never give you that chance. Understand…? Enough is enough…! I don't want to argue with you on this topic anymore. You have to fulfill the promise that you gave to me; in any case... I don't care if you suffer for it but my son won’t have trouble for this, it's your responsibility. You really love him, don't you? Then for that love, you can easily sacrifice. Right…? And if you still refuse then…
Every son surely fulfills his father's last wish and you know exactly what I will ask him in that.
Do you think it’s a joke…? Not at all…! Sorry…! It’s not a joke. For me my son is everything, even if he considers me his own or not. But for this, if he will give my place to someone else then I can't bear it. If you'll come into his life then I will leave his life forever. Yeah…! I’ll kill myself and you’ll be responsible for this. I’ll win in any case. You have to leave my son's life but you decide how you would go; silently or pushed away by my son…? No son will forgive his father's murderer…
As far as I think, you will agree with me and go away from my son’s life forever because you know very well how painful it is to live that life when no elder, no one of your own is with you to accompany. His life will become exactly like that. Rough and lifeless…
………………
What happened…? By standing silently, you are wasting the time of both mine and yours. I am waiting for your decision. So please! Be quick!”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“The girl had no other way than to remain silent. There was no word to say. She never thought that the life she had gotten one day before, that beautiful life will change his side so soon and will take her to such a point where it will become impossible to choose any path for her at her own will. It was impossible to extinguish that light after years. Still she did. Killed every desire in her heart and told the boy’s father…”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“I’m ready… It will be what you want…”
“Promise that from today onwards you will neither meet my son nor will you try to talk in any other way. Neither through phone, nor through any letter, nor through any friend.”
“Promise…! I won't keep any kind of relationship and as soon as possible will go far away from here, from him. But one thing, which is the reality. His name will remain attached to my life till my last breath and even if I want, I won't be able to name this place for someone else. Love means giving, giving some most precious things of life; not snatching away every joy. Then how can I take away the most precious part of his life, his family from him? I'm not so mean. I promised him that, no matter whatever the situation is, I'll never leave his hand, will never break his heart and throughout life, won't let tears come to his eyes. But this decision of fate has made me so helpless today that today I'm going to give him the biggest pain of his life which will keep the tears of my name in his eyes throughout his life.
This… this is the keys of this house in which I probably have no right now.”
“In exchange for leaving my son, you can keep this house...”
“This house was the basis of his dreams, when he's not with me then in that house, I will get nothing else but pain every moment. That's why I will go so far away from where no feelings of my love will reach him.”
“Hmm…! That’s also a good idea…”
“But before leaving, one thing I must say to you…
By shedding in emotions, forced by something, we make decisions but all those decisions become meaningless in an instant when the heart again takes those decisions in its own way. Then we neither can deny the decision of the heart nor can bear the reason for our wrong. That time is the most difficult time of life. One such time will also come in your life when your heart will ask you the reason for every pain that it's gotten from you and at that time you won't have any answer to give nor time to correct everything again.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“Someone told the truth that it's very easy to promise someone but it’s hard to keep that. The boy had no idea about the conversation between his father and the girl so, the next day in the early morning he went to that house to meet the girl. But, the house was locked from outside. I wish he had known this before that his father had locked the house. Then he might have stopped her; might have known the truth of her heart. Waited hours outside the house but she didn’t come. “Somewhere won't be she found there from where this story started”, thinking that he immediately ran to the beach but she wasn’t found there either. Keeping lots of calls, messages again and again thinking that there will definitely be some answer but all trying were useless. Finally he had only one way…”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“Where is she…? I’m looking forward to her arrival at 6 in the morning. Have done lots of calls, lots of messages but not a single answer was found. It never happened like this till date. Please say… where is she…?”
“Actually… I think you should forget her and start your life in a new way.”
“What…! Are you mad or what…? Do you know what you’re saying…? I asked you where is she…?”
“I also told you that please forget her. She has gone too far from your life and will never come back again. Obviously, after getting so much pain and grief, no one would want to return to that path again.”
“So much pain and grief…! When…? And who gave…? See…! I don’t understand anything that you are saying...”
“It’s true that you’re very rich but you don’t have the right to break someone’s heart so badly like this. Forgetting the old wounds, she had just started living anew. In which there were new-new dreams, new-new desires. In which there was no place for pain and tears. But, she wept long last night. I know well that the reason for all this is only you because, the new life she left behind with lots of pain there was no one else but only you in it. That’s why we are arguing with each other unnecessarily.”
“Don’t you see the slightest truth in my eyes...? This restlessness, this yearning, the madness of losing something precious, do you really feel like all these are pretends…? There was a lot of work in the office yesterday. When I returned home it was half past ten. I thought she must have fallen asleep. So, it is right that I wouldn't disturb by calling, and will surprise her by coming early in the morning.
How could I… Who is the reason for every smile of my life, how could I give tears in her eyes…”
“If what you are saying is true then who else that person who can force him to separate from you, can show a way to get away from you without saying anything…?”
“Please say what she was saying…! Where is she now…?”
“She didn't tell me anything about the reason behind her tears nor anything about you. That's why I understood that you are the reason for all these but yes, when I asked a lot of times, she just said that, “This life will always be incomplete. All my dreams, wishes, all these are no longer in existence. Here…, I’m suffocating. Want to get away from here soon; very far…””
“Very far…! Where…? Where is she now…?”
“She hasn't told anything about where she is going. Came out from here 2 hours ago and was saying that, “After some time everything will change; this place, my life, and the reason for my living. Won't give anyone the right to take the decision of my life again. Friend, enemy or love, there will be no place for any relationship in my life.”
“2 hours before…! What time is her flight...?”
“12 o’clock…”
“That means exactly half an hour later. Why didn't you try to stop?”
“Tried a lot… but, maybe someone else's words were needed to stop her.
Please… Go fast and stop her…!”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“With a rapid speed he reached the airport in 10 minutes and at the same time he was constantly calling the girl's mobile. No answer was coming from the phone, time was going down and there were thousands of crowds at the airport. Where will she be…? The boy was thinking this only then…”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“It’s 200 rupees of my meal and take another 50 rupees. Give me that chocolate flavored biscuit.”
“Thank you ma’am…!”
…………………….
“Where are you going...?”
“Singapore…! Dad has an old company over there which has been closed for years. I will start it again and settle there forever.”
“Kidding with me...? Running a closed company again is not that easy. It requires a lot of money. Where do you have so much money?”
“Yeah! It’s true that I haven’t that amount of money. I know it well but we have a bungalow in Singapore which Dad had made very hardly from his own income. He wanted all of us, Mom, Dad and I, to live comfortably there for the whole life but after Mom-Dad’s death, I couldn't even stay in that house for a second.
I was thinking, I will sell that bungalow and will bring the remaining money as a loan from the bank.”
“Oh! That means you have decided everything…! So, you must have thought something for me too.”
“For you…!”
“If you are going to give me such a big punishment then you must have decided how much pain I have to give. But one thing that I didn't understand… What did I do? Why such a big punishment for me?”
“Please…! Don’t say that…! Don't make me so weak! You know that well…"
“I have trust in you more than myself, was in yesterday and will also be in future but you didn't trust me even a little bit. If it was, today I wouldn't have to ask you all this.”
“When did I say that you made any mistake…? You can't make any such mistake. And the matter of trusting you then I love you more than I trust. Trust can break but not love. Yes it's true that I'm punishing but, not to you but to self. I have connected a relation of heart with you. If I try to break it then it will take my life away.”
“Then please, don’t go! How will I live without you?”
“To love someone, it’s not necessary to be staying close. As long as I stay alive your love will keep beating in my heart but if I stay with you, you will always hurt me. I request you don't ask me anything else. I don't have anything to tell you yet. All I will say is, “True love is found in two kinds in the world. One is by getting the love forever and second is by losing the love forever. We aren't the ones who decide for our life. This right is only near our destiny and my destiny has chosen the second way for me.”
“Till yesterday, the fate of both of us, all the dreams that you and I had seen together were one. What happened that everything fell apart in an instant? You didn't even talk to me or told me the reason once before making such a big decision. Ok…! Fine…! If you request then I won't ask anything but the one who left the hand in the middle path by promising to support for whole life is called infidel.”
“If you say then it’s true. For the sake of my love, I accept this stigma in my life. Bye…!”
Saath rahenge sadaa
Tune kahaa thaa
Dil naa todungi kabhi
Waada kiyaa thaa
[You said that we’ll always be together,
You promised that you never break my heart]
Phir bhi aayi
Esi kya majboori
Jisne tujhse
Yeh gunaah karwaaya
[Still what kind of helplessness came?
Which forced you to committed this crime]
Ho gaye… Hum judaa…
Saans hoke bhi…
Jindegi naa rahaa
[We are parted.
Even if I breathe, I haven’t life]
Karwaa ke naye subha ki khwaahish
Tune mush tanhaa kar diyaa
[Wishing for a new morning, you made me lonely]
Jaanti ho aaj ro-ro kar meraa dil tumhen kis naam se pukaartaa hai…?
[Do you know that today, by what name my heart calls you by crying…?]
Yeh dil kehtaa hai
Tujhe baar-baar…
Tu hai ek bewafaa…
[My heart says you again and again,
You are an infidel.]
Yeh dil kehtaa hai
Tujhe baar-baar…
Tu hai ek bewafaa…
[My heart says you again and again,
You are an infidel.]
Haan! Tu hai ek bewafaa…
Haan! Tu hai ek bewafaa…
[Yes, you are an infidel…
Yes, you are an infidel…]
“When the heart breaks then it doesn't sound but its pain is clearly visible in the eyes. I feel the same in your eyes. When the cord of our lives is in our hands, then why this inexplicable infidelity.”
“No, we aren't the one who decides for our life. Cord of our lives is always in the hands of the fortune. It decides that I’m an infidel and I accept it but behind this infidelity what was my compulsion that I'll never say in this life. Not till death.”
Chahti thi main
Kisi ko dil se
Koi tha meri jaan…
[I wanted someone from my heart,
Someone was my life]
Kar di maine
Judaa mere khud se
Is pyaar ke
Beetey har saam
[I did apart from myself,
Every evening of this love]
Ho naa paayegi kabhi
Yeh kahaani puri
Yeh chaahat hai benaam…
Yeh chaahat hai benaam…
[This story will never be able to complete.
This wanting is nameless…
This wanting is nameless…]
Jaante ho aaj mera yeh tutaa hua dil mujhe kis naam se pukaartaa hai…?
[Do you know in which name my broken heart calls me today…?]
Yeh dil kehta hai
Mujhe baar
Tu hai ek bewafaa…
[This heart says me again and again,
You are an infidel...]
Yeh dil kehta hai
Mujhe baar
Tu hai ek bewafaa…
[This heart says me again and again,
You are an infidel...]
Haan! Main hoon ek bewafaa…
Haan! Main hoon ek bewafaa…
[Yeah! I’m an infidel…
Yeah! I’m an infidel…]
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“To remove the discomfort of the boy's heart, the girl had no answer. So neither did she listen to anything of the boy nor did look at his hopeful eyes. Just… gone quietly…
After that moment, the boy accepted that loving that girl was the biggest mistake of his life. He remembered only one image in his mind about the girl that she left her hand halfway, had made him alone again. For which he never wanted to forgive her. He tried to forget all the moments spent with her, broke up with every person whom she knew, dumped everything related to her. Even broke that house which he had built just only for her. But, was it really that easy to do all this…?
No…! It was not easy at all. Not for both. The boy didn’t even know that after a few days the girl had returned; for her last wish. The boy full of anger said yes to his father's decided relationship. Soon all preparations were over. Even after knowing that the existence of the relationship made with anger and stubbornness cease soon, by hurting his heart he merged that to his life. He made every preparation for his marriage exactly as he had dreamed with that girl and soon that moment also came which was going to destroy that relationship of heart forever. The girl was watching all this from behind a tree a short distance from there. The ‘groom look’ of the boy which was going to decorate for her one day. That day she was looking, that decoration held for someone else. It was very difficult to control tears that time. She kept watching everything till all the dreams adorned in the heart were completely shattered by broken. Completely…!”
“Hey…! What’s that…? Tears in your eyes…! Come on…! It’s just a story no…”
“Yeah…! Of course…! It’s a story. But, whenever I reach this point of the story, the heart becomes restless. Like, everything that I said has just happened in front of me. Every time, it seems the same.”
“Tell you one thing! Hearing this story through your mouth, it seems like you have a very deep relationship with this. As if this story is any precious part of your life.”
“I felt the same way but…”
“But…?”
“The relationship is not with the story but with those feelings whose base is love. Looks like life has just lived.”
“Hmm…! Right…! Next…? What happened after that...?”
“After that…!”
………………………………..
“Hello! What happened? Where are you lost? What happened after that?”
“Relationships of love are very fragile. Which has only one base; “Trust”. And… if this trust is broken even once then, it gets very hard to handle. After that, only two things happen. Either that love of the heart dies, or it compels itself to live the rest of life with that yearning which is impossible to bear. Then, look back as many times as you can; a similar unfinished story appears.”
“But, I can't believe this story would have been incomplete. Someone would have definitely tried to get to its destination.”
“Yes! Definitely…! Everyone seeks the destination to complete his life, searches it everywhere but, the goal is found only that time when you have the right in it.”
“Means…? I didn't understand…!”
“Some things can be understood not by words but by feelings. Whatever complaints you have with your life, whatever unfinished questions, you will get all the answers in this incomplete story and maybe that path too, on which you can reach the destination of this story.”
“But, I haven't yet understood what your relation with this story is?”
“I have only the relationship with the feelings whose base is love. You just understand that, perhaps this is all the parts of such a book, by reading which one can understand easily the depths of the heart, its feelings very well.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“She had told the truth. I used to feel that this is all part of some book. That day, I went to the sea shore in some other mood: Was depressed, restless, feeling like I have no way out, but after returning from there, all the burdens of my heart had completely disappeared. I didn’t know that, it was in my destiny to get acquainted with that beautiful story full of feelings of love or any reason behind it, but yes! The destination I was looking for was clearly visible in front of me and my heart also started to realize something-something that lost pieces of that beautiful story will probably be found somewhere along the same way.
If this story can give so much relief to my heart lost in a crowd of questions, then perhaps it will definitely relieve my Papa from his discomfort by which he is suffering for a long time. Thinking this way, I decided that at least once that story must reach Papa's heart. Sitting in the garden outside, I kept waiting for Papa to come home. Then at 10 o'clock when Papa returned from office, as usual, he freshened up and sat down for dinner. Neither talked to me nor asked me the reason for waiting. I kept thinking full night that, after all, what is the way through which that story can easily reach my father's heart? Then the next morning…”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“Ramu…!”
“Yes Sir…!”
“Where is today's newspaper...? How many times will I have to explain to you that I don't like having breakfast in the morning without the newspaper? How many times…?”
“Sorry Sir…! I'll bring it right away...”
“There's no need. My mood for breakfast got bad. Pick up this food and get out of here…! Get out…! Nonsense…!”
“Papa…! Please eat a little bit!”
“Just shut up…! Eat quietly, then go to your room and start studying!”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“Papa left for the office without having breakfast, but the thing that I was looking for from the previous night, he gave me himself. Yes! The Newspaper! Papa hated the world I lived in but I could take that story into Papa's world and I did the same. A school friend of mine whose father runs a newspaper press, I called him immediately and the next morning…”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“Very good Ramu! Today for the first time, you have given a newspaper and breakfast together. Good change!”
“No Papa! Not Ramu, I have kept this newspaper for you today. Like every day, Ramu kaka forgot to bring it today also. So, I thought, from today, I’ll do this work for you every day.”
“Oh Good! That’s really good!”
“Papa! Read today's Newspaper! There are lots of interesting news.”
“Oh really! But, there is a very important meeting in my office today. I'm in a little hurry. No time till the night. So, for today, this newspaper is useless for me. Sorry…!”
“Please Papa! Just for 5 minutes! Perhaps, there is something printed in this newspaper which you'll like very much.”
“I already said that I have not much time today so no further discussion on it!”
“Just look at this one page! I published something…”
“Oh! That’s the point…! Then what was the need to beat around the bush?”
“What’s your problem Shruti? Why do you do this type of thing that makes me angry? It is useless to tell you, decode you anything. Totally useless.”
Have you topped in the whole school? Have you got any big award or any type of reward? Tell me! What made you so special? What have you published about yourself?”
“Not about myself… A story… In which there are answers to many questions? I published it for you. Maybe by reading this your life will change.”
“But why…? Why do you want to change my life? What will you get by changing my life?”
“I want my Papa. Like a father of every friend of mine has. Who loves them, takes them to vacation, brings those new-new toys, eats together at night, and puts to sleep near with love. And, when I see my life, you don't appear in any part.”
“What was the need to do so much drama for such a little thing? You could ask directly.”
“Ok fine! Take this debit card and buy what you want. And on the matter of vacation, I will tell your ‘Tina Di’ (Papa’s Secretary) to take you somewhere beautiful.”
“If I had to ask for all this then I would have asked long ago. You understood my needs, but with whom I want to fulfill all those, that you didn’t understand.”
“I don't have time to answer your unnecessary argument. I am getting late.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“Papa wasn't a little interested in my life at all. As often as the words of Janhvi aunty were trying to burn the light of love in my heart, the bitter words of Papa used to extinguish them again and again. As usual he ignored my tears and words and went to the office but despite all this, fate was doing what it had decided. Except Papa, that story had touched the hearts of many people through that newspaper, some of which were employees of Papa’s office and one of them was Tina Di.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“Tina…! Come in immediately…!”
“Yes Sir…!”
“Do you remember that this is an office..., people work here...?”
“Hmm…! I mean… Of course I remember, Boss! But Boss, why are you suddenly asking me like this?”
“Now, it's working hours. Instead of working, everyone is sitting with a newspaper in their hands. What do you think? Everything is right?”
“Yeah, it’s wrong! As an employee it’s absolutely wrong. But Boss, every person working here respects Shruti ma'am as much as respects you. I do too. Today, she published something special in the newspaper. So, everyone is reading the same.”
“Oh! I see! Then who will work? If Shruti is so much more important to you all than me then there is no need for me to come to the office. Duty is off from tomorrow. Everyone will be free from tomorrow for his new boss ‘Shruti’.”
“Sorry Sir! But when someone stops every way of getting happiness from life then everyone, every work, everything seems to be wrong to him.”
“What…! What do you mean?”
“Really very strange…! The daughter you hate so much, don't want her to be equaled with you, get irritated by listening to her name, don't know why that daughter keeps searching for the destination of her life inside you. That daughter is confident that her father has lost himself in the darkness of some pain of the past. She wants to save her father from that darkness and she believes that this story has a way to do that. After the story was published, the whole country read this but for whom it is published he hasn't even seen it once. “This story is dedicated to my Papa. Maybe this story can help him to erase his old wounds” Sorry Sir! But, in your life you can run everything in your own will but not someone’s feelings and love. You'll know if you read this yourself.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“I’m Shruti Singhania. Today, I want to share a sweet and lovely story with you all but the one who needs this story the most is my father. This story is dedicated to my Papa. Maybe this story can help him to erase his old wounds. So, the story begins from a beach where……”
“Who understands the pain of injury, he keeps trying to get relief from that all the time. Perhaps this was the only reason that forced Papa to read that story that day.
It was a simple story but slowly-slowly that story was making its place into everyone’s heart. After all, what was the magic in that...?
Nothing… There was no magic in it. There was only the answer of that single question in it which everybody keeps searching throughout his life. “After all, what is the real destination of our life?”
Everyone started getting their own answers from that incomplete story. Papa too. Every single word written was kept opening every single page of the painful past one by one. All the feelings of the past life, all the love and all the wounds given in that love started coming alive. The lost part of life that Papa had lost every hope of getting back was seen standing in front of him that day. But through me…! How…? His heart was repeatedly asking him this question. Probably, I have the right answer, thinking that, taking that page of the newspaper, he immediately came to me. But alas, I had no answer because where the answer was, I was far from that part of the story.
After reading my published story, all my friends came to praise me and wanted to know "How I wrote that story?" that day.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“Tell me seriously! How did you write such a good story…? My father was telling, "This story doesn't seem like a story but seems like a reality".”
“Yeah! Me too. When I was listening to this story, I also felt like it was happening in front of my eyes. Every word, every feeling, every pain like all are connected with my soul.”
“You had heard this story from someone…! From whom and why didn't that person tell you the whole story?”
“Because, this is an incomplete story. That’s why it has no ‘The End’. It's true that it is incomplete and still shows the complete way to a beautiful destination.”
“It will never happen. The road is always at the same place but often the destination changes. The destination to which this path wants to go has changed a long time ago.”
“Papa! You read my story. Thank you, Papa!”
“Maybe, I knew that you will reach this corner of my heart one day whose door I kept locked for years. You are my daughter, so you also have this quality. You identify someone's pain more than his joy. I say destroy this quality of yours! Otherwise, you'll get so much pain like me, while erasing which you will lose yourself one day. Look what happened because of this quality of yours. You have revived all the old wounds that I was trying to heal from years.”
“I have revived your old wounds...! But how…? I did all this to wipe out every wound in your life.”
“Because my life is like this. Nothing has happened in my life with my wish till the date. Turning changes one by one and turning away all those whom I want to keep by hugging with me forever.
I had told her not to be afraid of any such type of scary things, only to listen to what her heart says. She didn’t. Any third person has no importance in the decision of love. We get this life only once with all the rights to make decisions on our own. Then when it comes to making this life in the name of someone with the same rights, then why does a third person make that decision in his own name and why does another one keep agonizing for the lifetime by accepting that merciless decision? Then why doesn't this thing come to mind that lets me go away to some other world, where only me, him and no one else…?
There was only one night. All dreams could come true as soon as dawn. Things changed like this, all the dreams were broken, the story stopped at that point. At that time there was no way for the completion of that story nor today. The number of times it is remembered, there will be nothing found except pain. All these, with whose wish? My Dad!
By playing with loving hearts, going mad in his stubbornness and ego, the wrong decision that Dad had taken, the same decision hit back on him by reversed, which emphasis he couldn't bear. To enhance the dignity of his family, he needed a girl like a princess. He found the same. Beautiful, sensible and exactly equal in status. Just that girl showed her sense in such a way that in spite of trying a million, Dad couldn't find the daughter-in-law of his family in her. The angel he brought from the world of luxury, she had always been an angel; couldn’t be a human. That's why she had always been ignorant of human emotions. Unaware of the reality of which girl Dad kept praising her so much, she assumed him lousy than mud. Dad's health started deteriorating due to his old age. He always looked forward to his daughter-in-law for care but his daughter-in-law refused even to touch him after seeing his situation. Then one night when I went to give him medicine…”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“Son! Can I ask one thing?”
“Yeah Dad! Ask!”
“Can you forgive me ever...?”
“Take your medicine Dad! Eat it!”
“Despite being older, today I have become very small in front of all the mistakes made by me. Today I want to apologize with folded hands. I have given you a lot of pain. I have destroyed every joy of your life with my own hands. That day I tied that girl with the deal of my death. She loved you very much. Till the date her every spoken words are echoed in my ears. When she was going, she told me, “One day when your heart will ask you the reason for all the wrongs that you have done, on that day you'll have no answer nor will you have time to correct everything again”. Yes! She was right. I don't have time today but I have a way to make everything right. Son! Please go back! Go back to that world which you made yourself! Go back to your every joy which you left behind because of me! Go back to that girl who is really your life! Everything is waiting for you. Go back son! I can't die peacefully until I see you happy.”
“No Dad! No one is waiting for me. The life you are talking about, that life has been destroyed long ago. That's why all these words of yours no longer matter. Some mistakes are not able to be forgiven. No matter who makes the mistake, you or she but now everything is over. Ever you made a wrong decision in which two loving hearts had broken. I thought we wouldn't be apart for long. This continuation of tears will end soon. All the pain, all the tears, the loneliness, leaving everything on my part, she went away very easily. Knowing the truth, she let it go wrong. "What did I want to say?” she didn't even listen once for the last time. Broke all her promises in an instant. While waiting I have reached such a deep sea of darkness, where no matter how much I swim but will never get to the shore.
A part of life that can never be forgotten but I have accepted that I have forgotten. I’ve forgotten that I ever had given someone my heart, had loved someone extremely. This wound will always be fresh, but now I don't feel pain from any wound. It has become a habit. You forget everything too! All the ways in my life have changed and this will always be like this further.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“Everything I said to Dad that day was just the truth of my heart, nothing else but those words of mine hurt him so much that he went away by left me and this world forever. I couldn't feel my childhood properly because he didn’t like to meet people of lesser status than him and there are very few high status people who have the understanding of understanding someone's heart and in this way my childhood became a compromise. Then I decorated a beautiful dream. I wanted to be a famous singer, wanted to see my picture at every corner of the city but this type of dream didn’t matter to Dad. The son of a big industrialist can only be a big businessman who can introduce himself gracefully by shaking hands with 10-20 rich and famous people, under whom 4000-5000 people work and in this way my dream becomes a compromise. It’s said, "No matter how much pain in the heart, a drop of love recovers it quickly". My biggest mistake was to believe in this thing. I loved her so much that I could feel all her pain without her saying anything. But what did she do? Left me to suffer this pain for the lifetime that I will never be able to love anyone else again. That’s it. After all, this love also had to give the name of the compromise. Yeah! Compromise! It’s the second name of my life. It's very difficult to aspire to any joy in a life of compromise. Still I got pleasure. That was you. In my life full of silence and loneliness, your little-little steps used to awaken the aspiration in me to live this life again for some time and when you slept deeply in the night, that loneliness and restlessness used to return to my life again. I saw nothing but deep darkness in front of me. In such deep darkness, there was only one thing that came into my mind that, “Really what kind of woman is she?” A girl can refuse to be someone's wife, can refuse to be someone's life partner and can easily break that relationship but how can a mother do like this…? She was with you just one month after you were born. After that, she broke all ties with you. You were yearning for milk, but she was lost in her world. Same late night parties, alcohol, alcoholic friends etc. etc. The joy of being a mother, that beautiful feeling wasn't visible in her face at all. She used to go missing from home for months. Similarly, days, months and years passed and you turned 3. Then one night, when I put you to sleep in the room and came downstairs, she was standing there with all her belongings…”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
““Where are you going?" I never got the right to ask this, so I still won't ask today but I will definitely ask, “How long will you return?””
“Never…!”
“Look Simran! I’m serious. Shruti is now slowly-slowly growing up. When she asks about you, I have no answer to any of her. You have never spent time with her properly since she was born. I have tried a lot but no matter how much one wants, a father can never take the place of a mother.
She needs you very much. If not for me then it's ok, but for your daughter, you should take a little time out of your life.”
“My daughter…!!! No! She is only yours. This night is my last night in this house. After today I'll never come back again.”
“Look Simran! Don't be this type of joke. You can't do this.”
“Of course I can do this and I must do this. This is actually the right way. You say! 4 years have passed since we got married and we have a 3 year old daughter but today, can you say by heart once with full confidence that we are husband and wife?
Why are you looking at me like this? I know what your answer is. All this only because of me. I wasn't a good girl from the beginning. I always loved a life in which there are no limits, no rules. Like a free bird I can do whatever I want. So I never wanted to get married. But my father forced me. He said if I don't marry you, they won't give me a penny. He will take me out of his house and also from his property. Even after getting married, my thoughts remained the same. I kept doing everything that I used to do in my house. The same stubbornness, staying out late at night, not giving respect to anyone, etc. etc. I have never been able to take the place of a wife, nor have I understood the worth of that relationship. Then one day everything suddenly changed when I came to know that I was going to be a mother. We both knew that it accidentally happened but slowly-slowly I was beginning to understand the conspiracy of the fate behind this. As Shruti was growing up in my stomach, the power to understand love, pain and feelings was also increasing in my heart. This was the reason that was forcing me to understand your silence again and again. I never got the status of a wife from you after marriage and I was thinking of myself as responsible for this but thinking deeply about it, it turned out that the reason was something different. According to you I’m not a good girl. You didn't like any of my habits, that's why you never even talk to me properly. In this case, love was impossible between both of us. Then what happened that night that brought the two of us so close to each other? The answer to this question meant a lot to me. Then a few days later one night I got the answer. That night you were drunk and in intoxication you were talking to someone. Every word that you were saying that night I had listened clearly...”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“I am not happy at all with this marriage. All my pleasure was with you. I can't tolerate this loneliness. For the world I’m a married person and soon I’m gonna be a father but I can't believe in all this. Everything looks like a joke. No matter how much this fate forces me I can't give this heart to anyone except you. Nobody even thought about me before making a decision. Everybody reached their right place where he wanted except me. I’m suffering a lot… a lot…
Please bring that time back. In which you were, had your sweet smile, had a lovely life made with both of us. I will never be complete without you. You left me alone midway. Never tried once to know about my situation. I got married to another girl after getting angry with you, but I could never accept her as a wife from my heart because that place was always yours and maybe even today. I'm going to be a father of a child. No matter if it is a boy or girl but how... how can I accept this relationship... This relationship would not exist. What should I do? There's no way I have... Not a single way...”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“When I was listening to all this, at that time the feelings of love was in my heart. I broke down completely. I completely realized how bad I was. I had decided at the same time that my coming child would never get a mother like me. It wasn't easy for me to do all this. For the world, I made myself back to the way I was before. Most of the time I lived outside the house and slowly-slowly it became my habit because I was afraid that mother's love may make me weak. I did all this because I wanted you to have a new reason to live and every time I felt my success when I saw you loving Shruti. You were caring about her life, her food, her stubbornness. Within you I could see a mother's care clearly and this was proving that there is no need for me in Shruti's life anymore.
I have something for you. These papers… Our divorce papers… Just sign it and all over…”
“What! But…”
“Please don’t ask anything else… I can't break my relationship with Shruti even wanting but you need to be free from the relationship with me. It’s already so late. Not anymore. Your one step can complete this story. Due to anger, the path you left years ago, go back to that path soon. I will never come back again but my daughter will be ‘happy luck’ who will see the completion of this story…”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“That was the first and the last time she mentioned you as her daughter. You were sleeping. She kissed your forehead and loved you very much. I was just looking at that view. There was so much sweetness in that mother's love. Probably because she knew that after that day she would never be able to give you that love again or it can also be said that she had given that right to someone else. 'To which extent love can change someone' the truth of this thing was in front of my eyes that day. She was going back after taking a sign in the Divorce papers from me that suddenly stopped, turned back and started looking at me. The feeling in her eyes was expressing, “Perhaps she has something very special to say to me or maybe she is wanting to hug me” Later when both of our eyesight was mixed she returned with her silent and teary eyes. At that time it felt like I had lost something precious. Forever… All her words said that day still resonate in my ears. While saying goodbye to this life, whatever she had said was absolutely right. In the pain of separation of which love, I always kept shedding tears, hating, praying to never meet again, the truth is that I had never been able to separate that love from my heart. Not in it, not in that, not in anything, yet she was everywhere and in everything; every moment, every hour, along with me. That's why when Simran came into my life, when she became a part of my life, when her heart changed and fell in love with me, I couldn't understand anything. My heart wanted to forget everything and take the time back to where everything was right. But it was also impossible. I became totally alone and then one night… You came to me, hugged tightly and said, “Papa, I'm getting scared of this darkness.” Like, this one sentence of yours gave me a new life in an instant and cleared away all the darkness in my life. I started living my life with you. In your feeding, taking care of you, fulfilling your little-little stubbornness and your sweet-sweet words, I forgot everything. Office, meetings, work and myself, everything… Then you started growing up slowly-slowly and became smart. In study, words and daily life, your merits were starting to be visible in everything. And in all of these, that little light was starting to sparkle in you, which I considered to be the biggest reason for the darkness that happened in my life. Hmm… Yeah…! “The Music” One evening you were stubborn for one thing. For a “Violin”. I got very angry as soon as I heard that and I hit you with a strong slap. If any of your dreams hurts me then what's your fault in this? Nothing… Then why did I punish you? I did wrong and I regretted that mistake so much that the tears in my eyes were not stopping all night. As soon as it was morning, I went and brought a beautiful violin for you. You became very happy. You went and told all your friends, “Look at it! My Papa gave it to me... Nice no…?”
Better than compromising with life, if I compromise with the pain I have got, then maybe those lost happiness will come back in my life again, all the unfinished paths will be completed and you will be very happy. If you become happy then my happiness doubles. That evening I was thinking all this by standing at the same seashore from where this story started. Then after a while I heard something…
What are you doing friends...? Work fast. We have to put up posters in another 5-6 places. It’s already evening. Boss has said that this work should be finished today. Hurry up boys…!
Hey…! Relax buddy…! It's not the fault of any of us behind this delay because the real reason is in front of you. Look there once buddy…! How beautiful she is. Every time I see my heart pauses.
O really! That means you want to say that you are dead.
Maybe…!
O hello, Lover boy…! Stop dreaming of that angel. Just like you, millions of people are mad behind her. She's so far out of your reach. So, come back to your reality and get back to your work.
Before I made any decision, fate had put its decision in front of me. Years later, a lot had changed. Her eyes, her face, everything. The boy who put up the poster was absolutely right. She absolutely looked just like an angel who was far out of reach of everyone but there was a time when that angel was just mine. After that many years have passed. I didn't even know if she remembered anything about me or not. At which stage she was that day, for that she needed to forget all the pain of her life and there was only one reason for all the pain in her life. That was just me…
It was very difficult to explain to the heart. It started to delude again in the same kind of thoughts, in the same kind of feelings. She had become a big celebrity. A leading singer. All around the city, there was only the discussion of her posters and about her upcoming events. Millions of people were going crazy just to have a glimpse of her. When I looked at a poster nearby, the program's venue and timing were written in it. The program was due after 5 days. “How did I spend those 5 days”, only I know that. There was no peace of a moment in my heart. Just one thing to find out. “Am I still somewhere in her life?”
The program was about to start at 6 pm but by 5 o'clock the entire stadium was housefull. Millions of audience were eagerly waiting to catch a glimpse of her and I was among those millions of audience too. Then after sometime the show started…”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Chaahat… Yeh chaahat
Jo meri naa hui…
Dil main… Sajaai jitni
Saare Khwaahish bikhar gayi
[Wanting... This wanting which didn't become mine.
The desires I decorated in my heart got shattered]
Roti rahi dil se… par aahat naa hui...
[I kept crying from my heart but there was no chirm.]
Dil mere na ek baar
Uff bhi kiyaa…
Chal padi thi main jis raah par
Mere saath chal diyaa…
[My heart has not said oops even once.
Just it started walk with me the path I had started to walk]
Saayad use bhi yeh lagne lagaa thaa ki…
[Maybe it also felt that…][Dialogue]
Wafaai se haar ke main
Ho gayi bewafaa…
Ho gayi bewafaa…
[By defeated by loyalty,
I became an infidel
I became an infidel]
Haan… Main hoon bewafaa…
Haan… Main hoon bewafaa...
[Yeah…! I’m an infidel
Yeah…! I’m an infidel]
Jindegi jab dushraa moukaa deti hai lagtaa hai jaise dushraa janam mil gayaa hai. Jindegi ko kuch is tarah sajaane ko mann kartaa hai jaise koi fulon kaa bagichaa… Jahaan har taraf sirf rangberag ful hi ful. Bilkul hamaare chote chote khwaahishon ki tarah…
[When life gives a second chance, it seems as if a second birth has been given. Heart likes to decorate life in such a way that a flower garden… where only colorful flowers are everywhere. Just like our little wishes…] [Dialogue]
Koi aaya thaa is Jindegi main
Naye ummidon ke saath
Maine pal bhar main kar diye the
Mere sapnon ko uske naam
[Someone came in this life with new hopes.
I did all my dreams in his name in a moment]
Phir waqt ne kuch esa mod liyaa
Jahaan thi Jindegi wahaan thahr gayaa
Main jeena chahti thi jee bhar ke
Par Saasein meri jaise tham sa gayaa
[Then time took such a turn. Life stopped there where it was
I wanted to live for the rest of my life but it seemed like my breath stopped]
Yeh Jindegi badal gayi
Kisike khwaahishon ko maine tod di
Usne haath mera chhod diyaa
Mujhse saare naate tod diyaa
[This life changed. I broke someone's wish
He left my hand and broke all ties with me]
Jaate jaate mujhse keh gayaa
Jeete jee maine use maar diyaa
Jeete jee maine use maar diyaa
[He told me while going…
I killed him while he alive, I killed him while he alive]
Sach toh yeh hai ki agar us din kisiki mout hui thi toh who sirf meri thi. Kyunki, usdin se mere Jindegi se meri Jindegi se yeh sabd hamesha – hamesha ke liye judd chukaa thaa… “Bewafaa”
[The truth is that if anyone had died that day, it was only me. Because, from that day this word was forever attached to my life... "Perfidious"] [Dialogue]
Wafaai se haar ke main
Ho gayi bewafaa…
Ho gayi bewafaa…
[By defeated by loyalty,
I became an infidel
I became an infidel]
Haan… Main hoon bewafaa…
Haan… Main hoon bewafaa...
[Yeah…! I’m an infidel
Yeah…! I’m an infidel]
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
That song gave me my answer and that is “Yeah! I’m still somewhere in her life”. For everyone there that was just a beautiful song but for me, it was that lost page of my past that I didn't want to lose again. But one suspicion was still in my mind. It was confirmed that I was in her life but because of love or because of hate, this is what I needed to know. Then after a while, this hesitance even went away.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Aap sab mere gaane ko itna pasand karte hain, mujhe itnaa pasand karte hain, isiliye aaj main itni unchhai tak pahunch paai hoon. Par sach to yeh hai ki main is unchaai ke kaabil nahin hoon. Us sakhs ke binaa main Jindegi main kuch kar nahin paati. Houslaa uskaa tha, sapne uske the aur Jindegi bhi uski hi thi. Maine sirf sab kuch is dil main sambhaal kar rakhaa aur sapnon ko puraa karne ki kosish ki par in sab mai main kitna kamiyaab ho paayi hoon yeh koi nahin keh saktaa. Main bas Jindegi ke us mod ko yaad karne ke siwa aur kuch nahin kar sakti. Jagah kuch esi thi, waqt bhi isi tarh ki kuch thi. Bas sabd aur ehsaas kuch alag the...
[You all like my songs so much, love me so much, that's why I have reached such a height today. But, the truth is I'm not really eligible for this position. I can't do anything in life without that special person. It was his courage, these were his dreams and this life also belongs to him. I just kept everything safe in my heart and tried to make dreams come true but no one can say how successful I have been in all this. I can't do anything but remember that turning point in my life. The place was the same. The time was even the same. Just words and feelings were something different.][Speech]
Tum… Mere ho tum
Tumhare siwa kuch nahin hum
Tum… Mere ho tum
Tumhare siwa kuch nahin hum
[You… You are mine, without you, I’m nothing
You… You are mine, without you, I’m nothing]
Chaahat Jo… woh chaahat hi nahin
Tu Na Jo agar usmain shaamil nahin
Chaahat Jo… woh chaahat hi nahin
Tu Na Jo agar usmain shaamil nahin
[The desire… is not a desire, if you’re not involved in it
The desire… is not a desire, if you’re not involved in it]
Saasein hain teri
Dhadkan hai meri…
Mil jaaye yeh dono toh
Mit jaaye saare gam
[Breath is yours, pulsation is mine
If both of these are mixed then all the sorrows will disappear]
Tum… Mere ho tum
Tumhare siwa kuch nahin hum
[You… You are mine, without you, I’m nothing]
Din mera kat’taa nahin…
Raatein bhi gujarti nahin
Wajah hai woh sapne jinki
Tere binaa koi mol nahin…
[The day of mine doesn't spend..., the nights don't even pass
Those dreams are the reason whom have no value without you.]
Sapne jo… Mere woh sapne hi nahin…
Tu na jo… uske hisse main nahin…
[The dreams are not the dreams of mine
When you are not in any part of those....]
Sapne jo… Mere woh sapne hi nahin…
Tu na jo… uske hisse main nahin…
[The dreams are not the dreams of mine
When you are not in any part of those....]
Aakhein hai teri…
Aashuyen meri…
Mil jaaye yeh dono toh
Ban jaaun tera sanam…
[Eyes are yours; tears are mine.
When both are met, I'll be your darling.]
Tum… Mere ho tum
Tumhare siwa kuch nahin hum
Tum… Mere ho tum
Tumhare siwa kuch nahin hum
[You… You are mine, without you, I’m nothing
You… You are mine, without you, I’m nothing]
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“Exactly the same sound, same feelings, from where this story began. I didn't blink even once until her performance was over. The voice that one day returned back to me, millions of people were crazy about that voice. The only difference was they could all hear the sound of her music but I could hear her heart. The voice that she said was easy with the help of music but it was very difficult for her to say that thing face to face to me.
Program got ended after an hour. Everyone went to their homes but I kept standing where I stood. Needs of my eyes were not fulfilled. Those wished to see something else. Then after a while a big car came and stopped in front of me. She was looking even more beautiful from near. When she got down from the car and came to me, at that moment it was very difficult for me to control my heart. I could feel her breath. Time returned again to the same place from where the journey of both of our lives started. Those feelings, just like the first meeting. The moment I never forgot. We both wanted to talk to each other. We both had wanted to start that story again that almost ended but from where and how, it was not understood by both of us. Then after a while chit chat started with exactly the word that was very much needed at that time. “Sorry…” Her 'Sorry' was for that infidelity which she had done compulsively and my ‘Sorry’ was for that disbelief, which I shouldn't have done at all. She left my side to save someone else's life. She went far away from me. And what did I do...? I didn't fully try to stop her. Instead of love, I filled my heart with hatred for her. In anger I didn't even think about tomorrow. The place in this heart that was only in her name, I gave it to someone else. There was a reason behind what she did to me but whatever I did to her, there was only one reason behind it and that is my anger. It is said that time slowly-slowly heals all the wounds. A long time had passed and all the wounds given by the time were also gone. There was only a slight pain in the heart that could be easily removed with a single expression. That incomplete path of desire in which we had stopped walking, the time had come to walk on the same path again…”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“A lot has changed…”
“Hmm…! Yeah! A lot has changed… but, there are some things that are still the same today. This place, this evening, this noise of the sea, this jalebi shop of Rahul, everything is still the same. And… also you…
Want to eat jalebi…? Common…! Say fast… I can’t wait… So yummy smell…”
“Yeah…! Why not? Nice to see you so happy. You have reached the destination of your dreams… Really nice… And I…”
“What happened…? Say…! There was a day when I couldn't say anything. You taught me to say and today you…! Is there really that much distance between us?”
“My life is shattered. Don't know why but since you left, all my happiness has gone somewhere with you. When you were leaving I was crying and I am still crying today. The only difference is, at that time tears were visible but today, it's not. I got used to it. Nothing is remaining the same as before. Fate has changed me. I've become very lonely. I’m starting to get scared every moment of this life.”
“May I ask you something?”
“Yeah, ask!”
“Your married life has been shattered and I think I was responsible for this. Isn’t it…?”
“But how do you know all this…?”
“When I left here then only my body was gone with me but my soul and heart were always here, with you. I was not with you yet I was aware of your every moment. From your marriage till the birth of your daughter, I have felt every single moment of your life with every joy and with every sorrow.”
“There was a reason like the same for which my marriage life was shattered. How many times have I been trying to separate you from my life, you started to feel me more and more in my life, in my breath, in my veins. I couldn't give your place to anyone else.”
“But is it that much easier for a mother to leave her daughter?”
“Yes! It happens when a mother feels that there is someone else who can take care of her daughter more than her. She had full faith in you. When she decided to leave my life, the last time she said only one thing to me. She said I should come back to you. Only you can complete the incomplete story of my life… I didn't know anything about you, "Where do you live, what do you do?" I broke all ties with music. Listening to songs, watching music shows, I had given up everything because all this used to bring me bitter memories of yesterday. I myself had closed all the ways to reach you but my daughter brought this music back into my life. She was obstinate about playing the Violin yesterday and I had no choice but to accept her stubbornness. I couldn't ruin her happiness for my own compulsion. I knew that if music comes back in my life again, then it will also bring those desires with it that I had written in your name. See! So it happened. You are back. Heart is getting difficult to control moment by moment and also the fear that if you refuse again then I won’t be able to live.”
“Why do you think I’ll refuse again? I made a mistake and I got punished for that. You can't even imagine how I lived so many days apart from you. Everything was there yet I felt like I had nothing. Completely empty. I was living a life which was nothing less than hell. Frankly, if I'm alive, then only for this moment. I know what you want to say, I can feel it very well but don't want to hear it suddenly. A lot has changed in my life. So many of my dreams have come true. Today, I am a celebrity. I wear designer dresses worth lakhs of rupees. Millions of fans all around me. Somebody wants to take a picture with me, somebody wants my autograph and somebody wants to talk with me for a moment. It's a whole different world. I won't be able to be worthy of your love by living in this world. The one you loved was a simple girl with a simple nature, with a salary of Rs 6000 a month and always waiting for her dreams to come true. So, not today. Tomorrow at 5 pm. This is where I'll meet you, in exactly the same look as I was separated from you.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“I had waited so many years. A few hours more was too easy for me. I accepted her words happily. It is very difficult to get a second chance to fulfill a dream in life but I was very lucky that I was getting this opportunity easily. Time was returning to the same place again where everything had stopped. Maybe even my breath. When I returned home that night, there was peace in my heart. I was able to breathe calmly. The next day at 5 pm, I reached the place. When dreams break again and again then there is a nervousness in the heart. That day too there was a panic in my heart that, “Will everything be snatched again from me before I get it?” If this happens then life will become even more difficult.
Sometimes it happens that the thing that we are most afraid of becoming true becomes true. Same thing happened that day. That day, I had to wait a long time. She had told me to come at 5 o'clock but 3 hours have passed. I didn't know anything about what happened. She didn't even call once. Despite the passage of so much time, the trust that "she will definitely come" was not broken even once. As time went on, the restlessness in the heart was also increasing. I had no idea what to do. Then exactly at 8:10pm, her car arrived. She wasn't alone when she got out of the car. Someone held her hand tightly. “What was happening to me at that time”, “what was going to happen next”, I had completely understood this. Still I stood silent…”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“This is “Deepak”. We both met each other for the first time at an art exhibition in Singapore. It's said that art is the mirror of the heart which exposes all the secrets, all the pain hidden in it. That day, Deepak saw something in my eyes which made him very restless. He requested me to depict all the feelings in his painting that he saw and I agreed. Don't know why but maybe I also wanted to be familiar with my real face. He made a beautiful painting. All the people who were in that art exhibition that day liked that painting very much but in my case, it made me realize how much I had changed. Despair has become the ornament of my face. I had gone so far from happiness that there was no way visible to return. Then gradually we became friends. I began to look for the paths of my life in the paths of his life. He also began to collect the scattered pieces of my broken life and started making a new life out of those pieces. That new life is now complete. We are going to get married very soon.
I won't apologize to you. There can be no forgiveness anyway for breaking the heart twice. A truth that can never change and even Deepak knows, “I'll never be able to forget you or those golden moments that I spent with you. Your love will be with me as long as I live”. The relationship never made between us that we wanted. As often as we both tried to give some destination to our relationship, every time we got only trouble, pain. I have learned only one thing from everything that has happened in my life till date. The extent of some relationships is only up to their desire. Till my last breath this heart will long for you but I have no more strength to pursue this relationship…
I am bound by my heart's decision, so please don't misunderstand me. Bye…!”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“That day I saw her for the last time. She went away and I had no words to stop him.
“The relationship never made between us that we wanted…”
“The extent of some relationships is only up to their desire…”
How strange do you feel to hear all these things no…? Really! What a dirty joke fate had with me that day...! I was such an idiot. Everything I just kept thinking in my own mind, kept decorating dreams, kept wishing. The feelings of my heart had become so much that I couldn't see the truth.
“I'll never be able to forget you or those golden moments that I spent with you. Your love will be with me as long as I live”
“Till my last breath this heart will long for you”
Lie… That was all a lie… She lied to me. There was nothing in her heart. Nothing... If no relationship had been made between us, then why even after happening all this, my heart kept waiting for that one face? Why even after so many years had passed, that wait, that desire to come back remained fresh in my heart? If there was nothing special in that desire then why did I run after the name which had gone long before my life?
The answer to all these questions went with her that day forever. After that there was no place for love in my heart. To get angry at every little thing, to be irritated, my life has become like this. I kept trying to separate myself from everything in which love existed. I started getting angry with you too because I loved you very much. I started getting scared that if I love you, then fate will take you away from me too. A big fear that captured my heart that my love is the reason for the biggest pain in my heart…”
“How strange…! There were two parts of this story. One part that I already knew and the other part that you just said. Surprisingly, the one who told me this story for the first time and the girl whose story it is, both are very similar and both are related to the same thing. That is “Song” and both are singers…”
“Means…? I don't understand what you want to say. And yes…! I haven't asked you yet how you know this story. This is the story of my life that only I knew then how can anyone else know this? Whatever you published in the newspaper, by reading those words, it seems as if someone is telling the story of his own life with his own tongue. Same pain, same yearning, what I have felt till date. How is this possible?”
“Yeah Papa! When I heard all this for the first time and the way she was telling me this story, I also felt like it was her own story.”
“Who’s she? What's her name?”
“The most famous singer of India “Miss. Janhvi Joshi”. People also call her “J.J”. Every song sung by her is always in discussion.
When I met her for the first time, I couldn't recognize her. The singer's appearance and her real appearance were very different from each other. In fact, she is not what she looks like on stage. She is a very beautiful and charming lady. If you see her face, it seems as if all the burden of the heart has been lightened.”
“Yeah! I know. I never felt lonely as long as she was with me. Whenever I used to look into her eyes, all the pain in my heart disappeared somewhere. This heart used to fill with peace. She was so simple. In her clothes, her face, her words, there was no artificiality anywhere. Still, as soon as she came, all the colors of the heart were full.”
“Papa, that means…”
“Hmm…! The story she told you was her own story. This was the reason for which you felt as if you were listening to the truth of someone's life and not a story.”
“I was tired of my lonely life. I had you but I was far away from your love. I knew that the pain of loneliness will be removed from my life only when I can remove your loneliness from your life. I was just looking for that turning point in your life which had closed the path of every happiness that comes to you. I didn't know where the way to reach that point begins. I was waiting for the person who could show me the right path. When all the questions arising in my mind tried to find a way out of my lips, it became a song and that song became the medium of my meeting with Janhvi ma'am. She told me this story and told me it has the answers to all my questions. Yeah it's true that all the old questions have been answered and I reached that part of your life where all your happiness was imprisoned. The result is in front of me. I got you back, Papa.
But I don't understand one thing. Why is my heart not completely happy? Why do I feel like I have lost something precious? Is this the reason behind that this story is still incomplete? Yes Papa! This story is not completed. Again some new questions have arisen, which answers I must have to find.”
“Tell me in detail, daughter! What happened when you suddenly became so restless?”
“If this story was of Janhvi ma'am then why did she tell me this story incompletely? That day when I met her for the first time, at that time there was no bodyguard with her. She came all alone. That day, I saw the same kind of loneliness in her face that I had. What was the reason for that loneliness?
One thing I can say for sure is that she knew everything about me before coming to me. Who I am and why I'm so depressed, she knew everything. She knew very well that if she tells that story as incomplete, then your heart will definitely want to complete that story and with this all the pain that you had hidden in your heart will come out.
And if my thinking is right then what was the need of her to do all this whereas she was gone from your life years ago. Do you have any answer to this question, Papa?”
“I have…”
“I know you know the answer but there's something stopping you from saying that. Is there really any place for ego in love? Recall this story of your past once again. Did she even once openly ask you for something? No… Never… In a single moment you erased all her wounds. You gave everything before asking for anything. There is a big difference between getting something by asking and getting something by fate and especially when the thing obtained from fate is a new life. It wouldn’t have been easy at all for her to suddenly get separated from that. Compulsions can separate a body from another body but not the soul from another soul and love is also a part of the soul. She was separated from you for so many years but still she was with you and somewhere with you even today. Facial silence is the easiest way to express heartache. I saw the same type of silence in her eyes that day, but the pain that was in her eyes that day was yours. This is proof that she is still living for you.
Please, Papa! Finish this story. Bring her back into your life. With all the happiness and all the dreams.”
“But, that's impossible, daughter. She…, you know she belongs to someone else now. Then, how can it be...?”
“Believe me, Papa! No one is in her life. Still her eyes are waiting for you only. I have seen.
You are saying this because it was she who told you that she is going to marry someone else but if there is someone to support in life, how can the heart get lonely that much? Once thinking about you she decided to separate. I’m sure it was something like that.”
“But after so many days...”
“Bad times can come anytime, anywhere in life but we have to find the way when and how we will get rid of it. Please don't let this time pass. For me…”
“Don't cry Shruti! Nothing is more important to me than your happiness. Let’s go…”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“After leaving the house, we went straight to that music director for whom Janhvi ma'am used to sing. People used to say that the magic of Janhvi ma’am’s voice had brought him to the top in the music industry and she treated him like her father. He supported her like a shadow in that journey of singing from Singapore to India. We were sure that we would find the answer near him that we were looking for but the surprising thing was that he gave the answer but with that he said something like that after hearing that we were getting shocked.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“Hello!”
“Hello!”
“Hello, Uncle!”
“Hello, daughter!”
“So, are you Mr. Pankaj?”
“Yes!”
“Say! How can I help you?”
“I am Janhvi’s friend. There was some personal reason for which we both had a rift. After that she left India and went. After so many days I realized something. There are some misconceptions that need to be cleared. I have to apologize. I called at her bungalow but she doesn't live there. I need her address. Please! Don’t say no!”
“If someone else had asked this question in your place, I would have undoubtedly refused. I can't deny you. Janhvi had told me, "No matter how high I reach tomorrow, all the ways to reach me will be open for a person forever". That's you. Janhvi was no less than my daughter to me. She used to share with me everything in her heart. I don't know if you want to apologize to her for what but she always used to say that she gave you a lot of pain for which she wants to apologize to you. She never said anything bad about you but whenever she used to talk to me about you, there was happiness on her face.”
“I just want to apologize for this. I couldn't understand her greatness. She reached this height today but I couldn't support her to reach here. There is a huge burden in this heart which will be overcome only after meeting her. Give me her address. I want to reach her as soon as possible.”
“The bungalow where you called to inquire about her I gifted that to her. She must have lived there, but she used to sleep peacefully in the same small house that you gave her. That small house from this bungalow given to me was very precious to her. Your father snatched the keys of that house from Janhvi and after that everyone's life was shattered which he couldn't fix in his lifetime. In his last time your father returned the keys of that house to Janhvi and there was a letter with it in which he had written while apologizing that he wouldn’t be able to die peacefully with this burden. That is why by returning it to the one who is its real owner he is leaving the world forever.”
“Thanks…! Thanks a lot…! Bye…!”
“One minute, son! Janhvi is not there.”
“But, you just said that she lives in that house.”
“Yeah! But since the last 3 months she hasn't lived there.”
“Then where else does she live now?”
“I don't know and not only me, but nobody knows anything about her. Everyone tried hard to find her but the result was unsuccessful. Even the police help was taken but it was useless.”
“But how is it possible...? Janhvi spoke to my daughter just a few days back. Face to face…! Then how can she disappear 3 months ago?”
“What…! A few days back…! But her bodyguard, caretaker, personal assistant, no one has news about her coming back, I talked to everyone about this yesterday. And, Janhvi is not an ordinary girl. She’s a star. If she had come back, then this news would have reached me or her special people from somewhere.
Daughter, you say! Did you see someone near her?”
“No! Every time she met me she came all alone.”
“Did anyone else see both of you talking there?”
“Thousands of people come to the sea shore. Why would anyone else pay attention to any unknown?”
“Daughter! To see whose program all the tickets used to sell out one week before, how can she be unknown to anyone? If she was with you, in a short time there would be a crowd. I’m sure the one you met and talked with must be someone else.”
“But, I looked at her very closely. It is true that day she was in a simple look. No makeup, no adornment, no star look but I'm pretty sure she was the one.”
“But there must be someone who must have seen both of you together and identifies both of you very well?”
“Let it all go and tell me first, if this is the case then why didn't this news come on TV, Paper anywhere that she is missing?”
“Whom millions of people want so much and suddenly she disappeared somewhere, then a million questions arise in front. It's impossible to answer those. Then we stopped searching for her at the behest of someone.
“What happened to Janhvi, where did she suddenly go” perhaps, all these things are known to someone but since Janhvi has gone missing, he doesn’t want to talk to anyone.”
“Who’s that…?”
“Deepak…”
“Deepak…! Is that the same guy who was going to get married to Janhvi?”
“Hmm…! That’s the guy but after that there was neither news of engagement nor any marriage.”
“Where does he live?”
“In the same house where Janhvi lives.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
So much confusion. Someone talked to me, made friendship, understood my heart, helped me to overcome that pain and then such a time came that the question of her existence started to be raised. I got my Papa, my family back and it was true. So, whoever brought this story back to his life, made him realize his lost love, that feelings, those tears, those loving memories, how can it all be a lie...? Music director uncle's last question that he asked me “But there must be someone who must have seen both of you together and identifies both of you very well…?” If the answer is yes then everything is expected to be fine soon and if the answer is no then everything will be messed up. Thinking of all this my heart started to panic very much. I was going with Papa to meet Deepak and on the way I saw Rahul uncle's Jalebi shop. Rahul uncle knows me and papa very well because we were among his everyday customers and this relationship is very old. His shop is just behind the place where I sit on the seaside. I met him every day and the question which was bothering me so much, I was sure that the answer was near to him…
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“Papa! Stop the car for a minute.”
“What happened to Shruti? Where are you going?”
“Just right here! I'll be back soon.”
…………………
“Hey, Rahul uncle…!”
“Hi, Shruti…! Tell me what'll you eat?”
“No, uncle! Thanks but I have come to ask you one important thing.”
“Important thing…! What…? Ask!”
“Whenever I come here and sit on the shore, can you see me clearly from your shop…?”
“Yeah, daughter! I have known you for so long and especially your violin’s tune, with which a special relationship has been made now.”
“Uncle! Do you remember two days ago when I came?”
“Yes, daughter! I remember, but your mood was off that day and you didn't have your violin in your hands. I saw one another thing. You were talking to yourself alone.”
“Alone…!!! No, uncle! There was a lady with me whom I was talking to. Remember it well!”
“No, Shruti! I remember well. The weather was a bit bad that day and the wind was blowing hard so there weren't many people at my shop. I saw clearly. You were alone. No one was with you. I'm telling the truth, daughter.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
““You were alone. No one was with you.” After knowing this, as if everything stopped in my heart. Every question, every search, every reason, everything... I had nothing left to say to my Papa. Next, the last hope was ‘Deepak’. He hasn't talked to anyone since Janhvi ma’am went missing but that day when Papa and I reached there…”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“Hold on! You can't go in.”
“But why…?”
“Sir, I don't want to meet anyone. Please, you leave…”
“Look watchman! Go and tell your sir that Pankaj Singhania has come.”
…………………..
“Sir…!”
“What…?”
“Someone wants to meet you.”
“Three months have passed but have I met anyone till date…?”
“No sir…!”
“Then why have you come to ask…? Get him out of here...! Understand…? Go…”
“I refused the man but he told me to come to you and say his name.”
“What is his name...?”
“Sir! Pankaj Singhania.”
“What...! What name did you say...?”
“Sir! Pankaj Singhania.”
“Pankaj…! Pankaj has come. Have you seen Janhvi? Pankaj has come to meet you.”
……………………..
“How are you, Pankaj?”
“You don't need to ask about me. First tell me where Janhvi is...?”
“Is she ‘Shruti’…? Really, such a cute girl…”
“You didn't hear what I asked...? Where is Janhvi...?”
“Janhvi had said that you will soon come to this house looking for her.”
“Where is Janhvi...?”
“In a place to where you can't reach. You can only feel her.”
“Where…?”
“What will you do if I don't tell…?”
“I'll kill you...”
“Yeah! You can do this easily. Whom you want more than your life, if you can easily leave her to die then you can easily kill me.”
“What…! What are you saying all this?”
“Today the whole world knows that I would be the husband of Janhvi but the truth is that place was never mine. What wrong had she done to anyone that she had to live such a painful life? An accident in childhood took her away from her parents. Then she was forced to live a life of compromise where she could do nothing of her own free will. Then you came into her life; showed him the way to new dreams, new desires; promised to be with her at every step of life; rekindled all the hopes in her heart that she had lost in some part of her past. She wholeheartedly believed everything you said. She loved you with closed eyes because you were the light of her life that could never be extinguished. But, it didn't happen. Someone else came into your life and broke all her dreams and ruthlessly forgetting this love forced her to go away from you forever. She didn't tell you anything so did that mean she didn't aspire to stop? There was no one to stop her that day. She was your love. If you had tried to stop her by hugging once, she couldn't go but you didn't try to stop her. You got angry with her and vowed to hate her for the rest of her life. Even you called her an infidel. She didn't mind. Do you have any idea how much pain must have been caused by her heart after hearing that word from you? But she didn't cry. As the day was passing, the anger of your heart was also increasing. Then you took such a decision that broke her forever. You gave ‘her place’, ‘her right’ to someone else. You got married. You didn't invite her to your wedding but she came. She watched silently. Keeping the pain in the heart and the tears in the eyes, she kept watching all her dreams and desires being made in someone else's name. After coming back from your wedding, she vowed to change her life. You broke up with her but the dreams you had for her she didn't want to break up from those. She had made those dreams the purpose of living her life. Forgetting that old life full of helplessness and loneliness, she got engaged in making such a new life where there is no dearth of fame, respect and pride and the door of love and happiness to come is always open forever. Then a day came when she became successful in her venture. Her voice had made a special space in the hearts of many people of the world. Despite all this, there was something that was stopping her heart from being happy and I came to know about this when I was sitting next to her that evening.
Keeping her head on my shoulder she started crying. It was just that moment when my heart immediately returned to the memories that I had left behind in my childhood. The friendship that I could never forget. Study, sports or tiffin box, everywhere my friendship with Janhvi used to make a new memory. Then one day when my dad got transferred to Singapore, I felt like I was going by leaving the most precious part of my life. After reaching Singapore, I came to know that all the memories that I had written in my heart with Janhvi, I won't be able to forget for the rest of my life because by then that friendship had become something else for me. After so many years when I met Janhvi during a function at that time she had completely changed. She was not the Janhvi I knew. I didn't dare to ask the reason eye to eye. I was a painter. That's why in my painting I tried to paint every feelings that her eyes were showing me. And as a result, all those feelings were exactly the same feeling that I had for her in my heart. But alas, I was not in her heart. I limited the relationship between me and Janhvi to friendship and through that friendship I reached those memories in which only your name was written. That day when she cried by keeping her head on my shoulder, for a while, I felt as if my old dreams were coming true but some imagination always remains imagination. It can't be true. That day while wiping her tears when I asked her the reason for her sadness, she told me that you must be in some problem, you are in some big trouble. At first, I didn't believe in it but when I found out about you through a friend of mine, I was surprised. I came to know “What really the relation of the heart means?” Janhvi's heartache was absolutely true. My love was nothing beyond this. When I told all those things about you to Janhvi, she asked for only one thing from me. She told me, “I want to go back to him. He needs me.” She asked me something for the first time. How could I refuse? I searched for the most capable music director and organized a big stage show through him. With all the information my friend gave me about you, from that one thing I was sure that to what extent you have started looking for Janhvi in your life. I knew that through this stage show, both of you will definitely reach each other. That day, when Janhvi sang the song that she had written for you in the show, you groaned and waited for the show to end to meet her. Then when she met you were supposed to tell her the words of your heart but she stopped you and asked to meet the next day. I was very surprised as to why she did this…”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“Pankaj was about to tell you about his feelings today.”
“Yes! I know. All those words, to hear which I waited so many years for.”
“Then why did you stop him? Why didn't you let him?”
“You won't understand. You won't understand how precious that moment will be for me, the moment I have waited for so many years. Today when I met Pankaj I was in a star's costume but actually I'm not like that. Today Pankaj was about to say his words to Janhvi but who was in front of her today was J.J, the singer. Tomorrow, I will meet my Pankaj as the same Janhvi, just as I had left him. The place will be the same and the time will also be the same. I have a lot to say to him. Tomorrow when he is in front of me, that moment will seem different. All complaints will go away and there will be no place for any compulsion. Just this heart must be saying...”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“Neither this sentence was fulfilled nor those feelings about which she was dreaming that night. She was breathing speedily and felt dizzy. She couldn't see anything clearly nor was any saying of mine reaching her ears properly. Then suddenly she fainted and fell down. I tried a lot, called her so many times but she didn't wake up. I was fully scared. Immediately I took her to the hospital. I was sitting with folded hands outside of I.C.U. Doctors were doing so many types of tests. "What's the matter?" I couldn't understand anything. Then after some time a nurse came and told me,” Doctor has asked you to come to his cabin”...”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“Yes, Mr. Pankaj…! Sit…!
“How’s she now?”
“Yeah...Yeah...She's fine now but...”
“But…?”
“First you tell me what your relation with Miss. Janhvi is?”
“I'm her friend.”
“Is there any other relative of hers who lives with her?”
“No, Doctor! She lives alone. She has no family.”
“And what about her life...? Busy or...”
“She’s a star and a star’s life is always a busy life. Apart from this, if we talk about her personal life, then that too has never been good for her.”
“That means a life that is full of stress.”
“But after tomorrow, there will be no more stress in her life. Everything will change after tomorrow.”
“Tomorrow…!”
“You didn’t tell me why are you asking me all this? What’s the matter, Doctor?”
“Look, Mr. Deepak! False hope hurts much. I’m a doctor and all the patients who come to me, all of them have some dreams which they want to fulfill in coming tomorrow but the dreams of some of them are fulfilled and others remain unfulfilled because their life leaves their hand in half way.”
“I can’t understand. Please say clearly what you want to say. What happened to Janhvi…?”
““Pancreatic Cancer Stage - 4” and Stage - 4 means the last stage.”
“Cancer…! How is this possible…? Sometime back she was dancing happily because tomorrow she is going to get her love back after a long time. She had a smile on her face. There is such a big disease in the body and no symptoms, this is not possible.”
“Has she used to have stomach ache and dizziness in between? Have you ever noticed that she's feeling very tired?”
“Yeah…! But all this has happened to every person who leads a busy life and doesn't pay attention to his health.”
“Right…! The symptoms of the disease that Janhvi has suffered are something similar, which can't be detected clearly in its early stage because these problems are common in many people. The pancreas is deep inside the body, so early tumors can't be felt in its early stage. People usually have no symptoms until the cancer has become very large or has already spread to other organs.
So, Mr. Deepak! I already said, I don't wanna give you any false hopes. We have done a full body test of Janhvi. Cancer has already spread to 90 percent of her body. Troubles are ahead and…”
“How much time does she have?”
“Maximum 7 months. So, Mr. Deepak! I want to say… Mr. Deepak…! Hello… Are you listening?”
“She’s got only pain all her life. Holding the tears in her heart she has waited so many years just to get the happiness she's going to get tomorrow. That happiness, that last hope also life is about to snatch it away from her. How will she tolerate this? How will she tolerate...?”
“It's not easy for anyone to hear about his upcoming death but even if you don't want to, you have to tell this bitter truth to Janhvi. The way ahead will be even more difficult. As the day progresses, the pain of her body will increase, so hiding the truth will become impossible for you.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“Next morning, when she regained consciousness I was sitting in front of her. She was asking me again and again, “What had happened to her, why did she suddenly fainted?” It was not easy for me to answer. All her dreams, aspirations, and happiness were imprisoned in the chains of time, from which she could never get rid of. For the first time I felt like I had made a big mistake. I had made a big mistake by helping to mend her broken, shattered life. My tongue was quivering but still I told her the truth. I told her all the truth, before she decorated some other dream with you and her heart broke so much that it became difficult to live for her. But I was surprised when even after knowing that dark truth of her life, not a drop of tear fell from her eyes. She had become very strong, probably because of your hatred that stayed with her all her life. She needed your love very much in the last time of her life but intentionally she blocked the way for that love to reach herself. She only cared about you. She knew your anger very well and your ego that formed out of your anger. She knew very well that as long as these two things remain in your life, they will continue to give you a reason to fight, will never let you lose, will never let you break. Just that day she had made some similar plan so that you would never like to see his face.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“You really consider yourself my best friend, don't you?”
“Why...? Do you have any doubts?”
“No but there will be no best friend like that who will let another best friend's life get ruined.”
“I also won't let your life get ruined my friend. I will bring you all the happiness.”
“No, Deepak! I want you to ruin the rest of my life. I don't want to see any happiness in my life anymore. How can I desire for happiness knowing that when that happiness is gone forever with me at that time Pankaj will be broken. Then the rest of my life will be poison for me. I can’t do that…”
“So, what do you want...?”
“I want to see hatred for myself in Pankaj's eyes. He is coming to meet me today evening. I want to give him some such reason which will create hatred for me in his heart. I need your help in this.”
“My help…!”
“I will go to meet Pankaj today but you will also go with me with the relation of my future husband.”
“What…!”
“No…! Never…! I can’t do that. You know I can’t do that.”
“Deepak! You have to... No one understands me till now but I know you understand me. I can see the hatred for myself in Pankaj's eyes but not tears. Please! Don’t say no.”
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“I couldn't deny her. I did exactly as she said. After that whatever happened that evening you know it, except one thing. I could easily feel that her heart was crying loudly while she was lying to you, but she didn't let a single drop of that tear fall on your life. After that day she moved away from you. Then slowly-slowly your life changed. You became irritable, started getting angry over small things, and started hating the name of love. Janhvi’s victory was in all this. Everything was going well then, due to my one mistake, everything got messed up again. One day Janhvi went for a walk on the seashore. Just then she heard a little girl singing. The sweet voice of that little girl made Janhvi’s heart restless. She tried to reach the girl speedily but by then she had left. That night all she was thinking about was only that restlessness. After all, what was it in that voice? To know this she started waiting at the same place every day and one day, she was able to see her. She was slowly-slowly approaching her, at that time she heard something…
“Bro! This girl sings so well. All the burdens take off from the heart after listening to her.”
“Yeah buddy, no one will believe that she is the daughter of such a big man.”
“Really…! Whose daughter is she?”
“Pankaj Singhania”
“Wow…! So, she’s Pankaj Singhania's daughter…”
“Yeah, but it was heard that he is strictly against her daughter’s singing.”
“Why…? How well she sings. I would never refuse if she was my daughter.”
Janhvi stopped herself and went straight back home. My fault was the man from whom I found out about you didn't tell me a thing that you have a daughter too nor did he mention about your daughter in any matter and this was Janhvi’s biggest defeat. Unknowingly she had pushed that little girl into a bitter world full of hatred. She was very sad that day…”
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“Deepak! I made a big mistake. This distance is made between father and daughter only because of me. There was no fault of that little girl. How beautiful and lovely she is.”
“Don't blame yourself Janhvi. It was my fault. I had no idea about ‘Shruti’.”
“Is her name ‘Shruti’?”
“Hmm…!”
“Very cute name. Do you know Deepak, she sings very well. I don’t know what was in her voice that I got addicted to immediately. Something very familiar…
“Deepak…! I feel like my love for that girl is stopping me from dying. I don't want to die.”
“Janhvi…! Please, don’t cry… You promised you'd never be sad…”
“Can’t it be that she calls me ‘Mama’ before I die…?”
“I don’t know whether she’ll call you ‘Mama’ or not but I know this, she is your daughter. She is the love sign of Pankaj and you. Music was a part of both of your life and she's also born with the same part.”
“Today, if my body wasn't hurting me then, I too would have my family, my daughter, Pankaj and all the happiness of the world. It is said that one can’t leave this world with unfulfilled wishes. If I also…”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“That Janhvi, whose eyes didn’t shed tears upon hearing the news of her impending death, was crying in longing for the love of a little girl that day. That day the one I was talking to was someone else. Perhaps she was that mother who didn't want to die separated from her daughter.
Ahead her life became more and more difficult. Knowing that Shruti is your daughter, she didn't dare to approach her. Whenever she wanted to see, she used to calm her mind by looking at her from afar. Just like that a few months passed and then one day suddenly there was a severe pain in her stomach which she couldn't tolerate. I was taking her to the hospital in my car that then she told me…,
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“Once you saved me but maybe this time I won't be back. One can't leave the world with an unfulfilled wish. This is not true. It's painful, Deepak. It's very painful. My great wish was that when I am dying, my head should be in Pankaj's lap. I wouldn't be in pain at all but maybe I have made so many mistakes in my life that I am not getting even the death of peace.”
“Will you be quiet for a while? We're about to reach the hospital. Nothing will happen to you.”
“I have a letter in my diary which I have written for Pankaj. When he comes to you, you will give him that letter."
“After recovering, you yourself give that letter to him but for now, just listen to me. Keep quiet!”
“I have very little time, Deepak. Please stop the car. Don't take me to the hospital.”
“Janhvi…! Do you have any idea what you are saying? We have to reach the hospital immediately.”
“Listen to me, Deepak. Do what I say. Please stop the car.”
“What are you saying Janhvi... you will die... Don't insist…”
“I need relaxation at this last moment. Take me to the same place where I had got my new life. That's the place where this life can end.”
“But…”
“Please…, Deepak.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“The pain in her body was increasing but she remained sitting near the sea. Fully silent. There were no tears in her eyes at all. There was a small smile on her face like there was no question in the heart, no complaints against anyone, no agony. I could see only one thing in her eyes. That’s you. Her last words were only for you... “Pankaj! I can't be able to go anywhere by leaving you. No matter how much this world, this time changes, I'll be here for you forever” And then suddenly…
She didn't want to leave this world, leaving you alone at all. Till the last breath she had the desire to live for you. I couldn't let her die. No one knows where Janhvi is. It was my responsibility till you returned, and from now it’s your right. Just one last responsibility that I have to fulfill. This is her last letter that she wrote for you. She said, when you come to me I will give it to you…
Dear Pankaj,
If you are reading this letter then thanks to Deepak. Don't be angry with him. He was also compelled like me. The only difference is that I was forced by destiny and he was by my friendship. Whatever he had done was done at my behest. My life was like this: whoever connected with my life got nothing but pain. I was born with a very bad fate. I didn't even get the time to apologize from my heart for the last time. Due to the time trap many things were kept imprisoned in my heart which I couldn't say but there were some things in those which I can't even take with me. You have every right to hear those things. I couldn't fulfill any promises made to you in my life. When you came into my life for the first time, I promised you that I will always support you, I will never leave your side in any situation, but I broke my promise. Somebody forced me so much that I left you alone and went away. If I hadn't done this, someone would have lost his life, your family would have been snatched away from you. No one could understand better than me how difficult it is to live without family, without the blessings of elders. At that time, I couldn't be so selfish. I cheated you and gone far away but all the dreams of our life that you had for me and I for you, everything remained here. You don't know that I was present in your marriage. Behind an unknown mask. I saw everything… My heart and its decorated dreams, I saw everything falling apart in front of my eyes. You became the bridegroom but not for me, this one reason was enough to put an end to all my desires forever. It took time but I explained to my heart. I had nothing more to do but make your dreams come true. I went back to Singapore and turned my life’s way in that direction from where I would never have to come back. I kept climbing the ladder of success one after the other. My voice had made its home in the hearts of crores of people in a few days. It wasn't like the happiness that comes from life but still comforting my heart because you were also the reason for that happiness. People were just watching that I was singing but the feelings, the pain, the sweetness that was visible was all only because of you. Even if I wanted to, I couldn't separate myself from you. Life was going on like this that one day I came to know through Deepak that your married life has been shattered. That was such a moment in my life when it seemed the most restlessness of the world was in my heart. I yearned to come back to you. A very big stage show was organized in India through which I came back. All happened exactly as Deepak thought. Seeing me after so many days, your heart also started to ache. You started desperate to meet me. That evening I could clearly see the love for myself in your eyes. I knew very well what you wanted to say to me. Still I held you because, the next day I wanted to meet you exactly as the girl you loved. By the time I came to see you the next evening, everything had changed. Luck always changed the path of all the happiness that reached me and kept changing the conditions like that, that I got the same title every time. “Perfidious” The love for which I always cried in the sorrow of not getting, kept on suffering, that love was always with me. Heart isn't separated by the separation of the body. No one can measure the depth of love. My torment for you was my love and your being angry with me was also your love. Today everything is clearly visible. No more secrets are imprisoned in this heart. Today after listening to everything I say, I won't remain perfidious in your eyes.
Now, my heart has no reason to hide my feelings but yes, there was a wish that will never be fulfilled now. I came to know about Shruti tardily. So late that by then your heart was filled with hatred, you became irritable and all this Shruti was facing. I recognized the pain of her heart in the tune of the violin she played that day. I just had to apologize to her once because the hate that was in your heart was because of me. I had the strength to bear your hatred by lying to you but I didn't have the strength to see your tears by telling you the truth. This plan I had made was overshadowed on me. After a while from now, my breath will stop but this pain in my heart is still the same. I remember. When I saw Shruti for the first time I didn't know she was your daughter. A woman doesn't become a mother by giving birth to a child, but by those feelings when she understands the existence of her being a woman. From the moment my heart belonged to yours, from that moment I got the right to be called the mother of your children and perhaps this was the reason why my heart recognized Shruti as my daughter that day. Then when I came to know that she is your daughter, I didn't dare to approach her. I didn't want your anger to increase, didn't want you to know the truth for any reason. Otherwise, which mother wouldn't want to hear 'Mama' from the mouth of a daughter like ‘Shruti’…?
Pankaj…! Love you so much. Ever since I have loved you, I have been decorating only one dream in my heart. I want to deserve that place in your heart that you have kept to give to the girl who seems to you ‘the second half part of your life’, of your every feeling and of your soul. If after reading this letter of mine, there is no sorrow, complaint or resentment in your heart for me, then will you give me that place...?
My eyesight is getting weak. Everything is starting to look blurry but there is no pain at all. My mind is absolutely at peace. Do you know why…? Because, I will die but my love will be with you till your last breath, in the form of Shruti. When she sings, laughs, talks, scolds you when you make a mistake you will see my shadow in her. Yes, Pankaj! Always remember this. Shruti is my second birth.
Today I am leaving this world with this incomplete story but whenever you remember this story of ours in life, you will see our love from the point of view that I am feeling right now then you will see every turn, every edge of this story being completed. It is true that I didn't get your accompaniment in this life but I will wait, in a new life. In a place where all the ways are open for peace and relaxation. Near the waves of these oceans imprisoned by strong winds, the fragrance of nature and all the sweetest feelings of the world… Just remember me once with your closed eyes. You'll find me right in front of your eyes...
Your love,
Janhvi
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“Papa…! What are you seeing like this...?”
“She was absolutely right. Her love can never be separated from me. You are with me till my last breath.
“Just remember me once with your closed eyes. You'll found me right in front of your eyes...””
“Everywhere, every time you will find me like this; Just like 'Mama'. I love you, papa! Love you very much...
“Whenever you remember this story of ours in life, you will see our love from the point of view that I am feeling right now then you will see every turn, every edge of this story being completed.”
This story can never be finished because the basis of this story is love and love has no end. In love there is a new beginning at every turn and a new ending at every turn. After thousands of troubles, millions of tears and countless struggles, when happiness is found, it seems that a golden end has happened but in reality it’s not like that. The story goes on...”
“Right, daughter!”
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“A mother's life doesn't become meaningful by giving birth to a child. A woman becomes a mother by those feelings when she understands the existence of her being a woman. The one who has the knowledge of every path, every turn in the life of a child, who stands by strong as a shield to keep her child away from the shadow of the world's biggest troubles, sorrows and pains is called a mother. I don't even remember the face of the one who gave me birth. How was her face, what was her nature, what were her habits, how was her words, I don't remember anything and perhaps this was the reason that the desire to call someone a mother, the desire to be someone's daughter was always kept alive in me. Even after leaving the world, she was alive for me, was in front of me, and was talking to me. Because I was in trouble and she wanted to get me out of that trouble and in all this time I hadn't realized once at all that she was not with me. She will always support me like this. In every turn, in every path of life she will be with me. No matter what troubles, difficulties come in life, I have the courage to fight. Just only for her. So why don't I call her by that precious name. “J.J”, “Miss. Janhvi Joshi” and when feelings of my heart got associated with that name… Then, she’s “Mrs. Janhvi Singhania” my “Mama”…”
“Daughter, have you finished your writing...? Shall we go home…?”
“No, Papa! Just a little more. Just the last 2-3 lines...”
“Ok daughter, carry on... Need something else…?”
“Yeah, Papa! Some more Jalebis.”
“Oho…! Ha ha…! I'll bring it right away.”
“I still remember today. That day when I asked Mama, “How did she know this story so well...?” She answered me, “You just understand that, perhaps this is all the parts of such a book, by reading which one can understand easily the depths of the heart, its feelings very well.”
Today, I am going to make true what she said, through this book written by me.
This story started with a song. This song, this music is connected to my heart, my feelings every moment. It kept helping me to forget all the sorrow, all the trouble from my life. It has stayed with me since I was born and today as a unique feeling it has attached to me in such a way that it won't let me feel the lack of love for the rest of my life. “In a place where all the ways are open for peace and relaxation. Near the waves of these oceans imprisoned by strong winds, the fragrance of nature and all the sweetest feelings of the world…” Today everything is the same. Exactly the place my Mama always loved.
And…, this heart is singing again...
~THE END~
