Can I Not Shun...
By JIRARA
© JIRARA, February 2021
Published by JIRARA on matrubharti.com
All rights reserved. No parts of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise, for any commercial purposes without the prior permission of the author and/or publisher.
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Disclaimer: This is the work of fiction as far as all the characters, their names and the names of all the events are concerned and all these are imaginary and hence any resemblance to the persons (and their lives) dead or alive, and any places are coincidental. Even if a few events might look realistic/’real’, these are fictionalised and the associated names are changed in order to maintain their privacy, honour, and security. No intention whatsoever is meant to hurt any feelings of whosoever, irrespective of their personal/cultural beliefs, social or political inclinations, religion-orientations/practicing/philosophy, life styles, and works/business. The ‘I’, ‘my’, ‘me’, and ‘mine’ (if any used) do not necessarily mean the author of this book/story/artcle, and these and other such pronouns: her, hers, his, he, she, him, you, your, yours, ours, theirs…; are used for effective personification and dramatization, and the readers should not take these on their ‘own persons’.
The readers should take these stories/verses/thoughts with/in good spirit. The presented ideas and material are based, where feasible, on readings and (thought-) analyses of scientific/other open literature (which seemed most profound and trustworthy), with as much care as possibly taken. The readers are requested to verify these notions on their own, and use their own discretion. However, these stories/verses/thoughts/ideas (mostly original) are expressed here with an intention of increasing awareness of the readers with a hope that in an overall sense, their (and ours) consciousness would be heightened (in all and multiple directions), so that we all can live our lives on this planet with true happiness, ever-lasting peace and real joy (irrespective of our orientations). The author and the publisher will not be responsible for any negative effects/situations arising as a result of reading these stories/verses and/or following the suggestions if any; and no discussions/dispute of any kind will be entertained at any time and in any way, manner, and/or forum; because the dictum is that if you like(-d) you read, otherwise ignore, what is the point in making a fuss about it?; anyway you are independent to judge the messages in these artcles/stories and utilize for your benefits if found useful, since here the idea is in the direction of ‘consciousness raising’. JIRARA.
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Can I Not Shun...
***
I am sighing and trembling,
Am afraid of getting lost in a branch or its roots,
Then on the green trees of my desires,
The Autumn will come by,
And in the fallen dry leaves of that Autumn,
There might erupt the forest-fire,
And my desires’ burnt-pieces would get angered,
And with that imagination trembling am I again.
***
And to maintain and preserve this greenery,
Continuously I am watering the trees,
And more and more I try to come out of this ‘karan', the act,
More and more am I going deeper and deeper,
And when I am fully inside,
Then what would remain of me?:
An ideal daughter, a dedicated wife, a sacrificing mother,…,
But, in that I, oh, where would I be?
***
Me, and me where?
If I am not left there,
And there would be left only the false covers of the ideals,
Then my desires’ cadaver would hang from some fixed Banyan tree,
Then it would wait for some ‘Vikram’ to rescue,
And for a fetcher of ‘Sanjivani’, the vitalizing potion,
And would wish of the hurricane for the false covers to fly away.
***
And my desires would breathe again,
If that kind of accident could happen ever,
Oh, but if in me, I am there somewhere,
Then why would I wait for some ‘Vikram’?
For the potion giver?
For an accidental miracle?
And why would I want any tempest?
What, can I not shun these false-hood,
And its heavy covers, the costumes of its drama,
Myself?
(By JIRARA based on a poem in Gujarati
by Jayashri Joshi, *).
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(*):
હું ઝાંવા નાખું છું ,
તરફડું છું ,
ડર છે મને ખૂંપી ના જાઉં કળણમાં
પછી મારી ઈચ્છાના લીલા વૃક્ષો પર પાનખર છવાશે .
અને એ પાનખરે ખરેલા સુક્કા પર્ણોમાં દાવાનળ ફુંકાશે .
ને મારી ઇચ્છાઓના ઠુંઠા ભડભડી ઉઠશે
એ કલ્પના થી ધ્રુજી ઉઠું છું .
એટલે આ લીલોતરીને ટકાવી રાખવા
અવિરતપણે પાણી સિંચીએ જ જાઉં છું .
ને આ કળણમાંથી બહાર નીકળવા પ્રયત્ન કરું છું તેમ ,તેમ ,
વધુ ને વધુ ખૂંપતી જાઉં છું
જયારે ખૂંપી જઈશ એમાં ત્યારે બાકી રહેશે ,
એક આદર્શ પુત્રી ,પત્ની ,માં ....... પણ એમાં હું ?
હું ક્યાં ?
જયારે હું નહિ રહું
અને ફક્ત રહેશે આદર્શોના વાઘા ,
ત્યારે મારી ઈચ્છાઓનું મડદું પણ લટકી જશે કોઈ સિદ્ધ વડ પર .
પછી એ રાહ જોશે કોઈ વિક્રમની ,
સંજીવની લાવનારની
ઈચ્છશે એવા વાવાઝોડાને જેમાં બધા વાઘા ઉડી જાય .
ને મારી ઇચ્છાઓ ફરી શ્વસી શકે ,
એવો અકસ્માત બને ય ખરો !!!
અરે ! પણ !!!
જો મારામાં ક્યાંક હું છું
તો શાને હું વાટ જોઉં કોઈ વિક્રમની ?
સંજીવની લાવનારની ?
કોઈ અકસ્માતની ?
ને શા માટે ઈચ્છું વાવાઝોડું ?
શું હું જાતે જ ના તજી શકું આ વાઘાને ?!!!
જયશ્રી જોષી
*****
