61-70 Ways to Boost Your Self-Confidence
61. Learn to Love Yourself Believe in yourself!
- Have faith in your abilities! Without a humble but reasonable confidence in your own powers you cannot be successful or happy. —Norman Vincent Peale
Self-love may be one of the most underutilized sources of our esteem. We can be harder on ourselves than on any other person. Consciously giving yourself a break, and not falling into the trap of self-denigration, will allow you to save your energy for the important parts of life and help you keep your confidence intact. Look, there is a big difference between self-love and narcissism. People who are narcissistic don’t love Learn to Love Yourself themselves; they are in love with themselves, so there isn’t any room in their hearts for anyone or anything else. But those who have worked and learned to love themselves not only have the ability to take in positive energy from other people, but they can also give it back tenfold. Our confidence can’t flourish when we don’t love ourselves because there will always be a reason we don’t feel deserving of any love—not from within, from another person, or even from God. People who beat themselves up in this way have very difficult lives and relationships. Even thought this is a very difficult situation, there are a number of ways you can begin to develop self-love and ensure your confidence. If you are negatively judgmental toward your own way of being, no one is going to be able to give you a course correction that you will hear. This one has to come from inside your own head and heart. Making the realization that you don’t like your life, and then digging deeper and discovering that what you don’t like is who you have become, is a life-altering process. The good news here is that the person you really are and the one you have become may be vastly different people. You have to get in touch with your core values and make sure you are living them.
If not, it will cause a disconnect within the part of your brain that governs self-esteem, and you won’t be able to rationalize how you feel internally. Stopping behaviors that cause you to dislike or make you unable to love yourself is like changing a tire.139 First you have to stop and assess the damage. Which tire is it? Is it really flat or just low? Once you have discovered and admitted that there is a problem, you need to make sure you have the strength and the tools to fix it. So you look in the trunk and make sure your spare tire is good and that you have a jack and a lug wrench. For repairing a flat emotional psyche, first look at your spare: Can you change your behaviors enough to make a significant impact on your life and self-love?
Also make sure you have the tools you need, such as a good and honest support structure, some basic knowledge about personal growth, and perhaps a good therapist to help you navigate the rough roads ahead. If not, it is imperative that you create some kind of personal growth strategy and support. Without it, getting to your destination will be much more difficult, if not impossible. With the basic tools, you will not only be able to learn to love yourself, but you will also find that those around you will like you more, and that can only add to your self-esteem.
62. Appreciate Who You Are
- The only thing that stands between a man and what he wants from life is often merely the will to try it and the faith to believe that it is possible. —Richard M. Devos
Appreciate Who You Are Being fulfilled as a person can’t help but make you feel more self-confident. Fulfillment isn’t about having it all; it is about appreciating what you do have. Even if you haven’t reached your goals yet, you can and should be fulfilled in the process of getting there. If not, it could be because you are heading in the wrong direction and your psyche is telling you that something isn’t feeling quite right. We have to learn to listen to (and perhaps translate) these messages that come from our unconscious, as they offer a ton of information of which we probably haven’t become fully aware.
In addition, one’s sense of fulfillment changes as we mature. As children we feel quite good when we are fed, changed, and nurtured. As teens we want popularity and a sense that we are cool enough. When we finally enter adulthood, the direction our fulfillment takes usually changes because we start to consider the pros and cons of marriage, children, working for a company, or starting our own business—all of which we hope will lead us to the Holy Grail of personal fulfillment. The problem is that our needs and desires often change with time, and this is why it is so important to be confident about the choices you make when you build your life, no matter what your age. Look, if you know you are not a “kid person,” raising a family, though totally fulfilling for millions of people, may not work for you.
Even though your parents did it and everyone else may be doing it, you must make sure that it is the right decision for you.141 Making big life decisions because someone you are with or related to wants it for you isn’t going to make you happy. It’s understandable that you don’t want to disappoint your loved ones, but the real truth is that, if you’re not confident that you are making the right decision, talk about it, write about it, and think about it long and hard before moving forward. Be unshakable in your confidence because these life choices will likely be with you forever.
It is also important to understand that fulfillment responds to confidence much in the same way that doing good creates self-respect. When you are feeling good about what you are doing, and believe it is the right thing to do, it can’t help but make you feel better about your life and those in it. Looking for fulfillment could also mean really looking at what you already have. Dorothy had to take a trip to Oz to realize that everything she ever wanted was right there in her own backyard. She finally understood, after witches, lions, tigers, and bears, as well as flying monkeys, that fulfillment isn’t about getting what you want; it’s about appreciating what you already have. And Toto, too.
63. Got Energy?
- Part of being a champ is acting like a champ. You have to learn how to win and not run away when you lose. Everyone has bad stretches and real successes. Either way, you have to be careful not to lose your confidence or get too confident. —Nancy Kerrigan
Emotional energy feeds our minds and hearts and gives us the physical ability to move our lives forward. When you don’t have energy you can’t feel good about yourself or anything else, and the best way to get it is to put more of it out. I know this sounds a little counter intuitive, but sometimes we all need to give ourselves a helping hand when we’re feeling low and there’s nobody else around to help us get out of our own way. These can be times that try our souls—or feed them, depending on how we approach what’s in front of us. If you give in to your lows you will continue to sink lower. But if you just put out a little energy, by doing almost anything, you will at the very least not get any worse. It is also quite likely that you will not only feel better in the moment, but you will also have begun to create the knowledge that you can pull yourself out of the blues, and that is very empowering. The next step is to make replacing a low moment with some positive energy a regular habit. Whenever low moments hit me, I go outside and sit by the lake. I’m usually feeling human again after about 10 minutes.
Others might go for a run or read a book; whatever works for you is the right thing. On the other hand, if you are truly physically exhausted, maybe the best thing for you to do is to go to bed and get some rest, even if it’s the middle of the day. I know many high-powered executives who take “power naps” for 20 to 50 minutes (any longer and you begin another sleep cycle), which perks them up for the rest of the day. Every 5 year old on the planet knows that napping can be a great energy-booster— maybe we should take a lesson. The late-afternoon lows are so human that a few centuries ago the British created “tea time.” That little caffeine boost gives many people the energy they need to make it through the rest of the day.
There are also those ubiquitous energy drinks, and if they work for you that may be an answer, but don’t overdo it. Once you find ways to give yourself an energy boost, your confidence level rises right along with your energy.
64. Selflessness Raises
- Your Self-Worth Real love is when you become selfless and you are more concerned about your mate’s or children’s egos than your own. You’re now a giver instead of a taker. —Sylvester Stallone
Selflessness Raises Your Self-Worth That quality of putting others before yourself is a great way to build your self-esteem and contribute to those who need you at the same time.
If you do nothing else today, help someone who needs it and then just see how you feel. Webster defines selflessness as “having no concern for one’s self,” and I have to disagree with my old friend Merriam. It’s not about a lack of concern for one’s self. It’s the “put your own oxygen mask on first” idea: If you are selfless to the point of self-destruction, you’re not really helping anyone, and you’re missing the point.
Being selfless raises your sense of self-worth, and that makes you better at whatever it is you’re giving to others. Really knowing you’re on the right path and giving of your heart can’t help but make you feel better about yourself. Although sometimes the people to whom we give are ungrateful, for the most part they are appreciative. That being said, I think that giving anonymously is great for boosting your confidence. You know you’re doing the right thing, but you don’t need a payoff, and that is the essence of a self-actualized human being. All I can say is thank you for doing what you do.
65. Trusting Yourself
- Trust yourself. You know more than you think you do. —Benjamin Spock, MD
Trust must first be given to yourself, because not having it works directly against your self-confidence. Believe that you are here for the right reasons and your full participation in life is valuable to those around you. If this is not something you can do in your own mind, then start asking people you know and who care for you if you have made a difference in their lives. When we can’t see our worth in the world it is hard to trust that we deserve to be here, or for good things to happen around us. Getting validation from those close to you will help you see that you have contributed to the lives of people who are important to you, and perhaps also to the world at large. Think of the things in your life you are proud of. There are a number of them, but you may have to spend a little time remembering that you loved restoring that old antique dresser and did a great job, or that time you really saved someone (or yourself) a ton of money with a simple suggestion. You have good instincts and are deserving of trust, but you have to find it within yourself in order to take your self-confidence up a notch.
66. Effectively Express Emotions
- To give vent now and then to his feelings, whether of pleasure or discontent, is a great ease to a man’s heart. —Francesco Guicciardini
Effectively Express Emotions Being in touch with your feelings will make you a better person, as well as a better parent and partner. Being true to your emotions can’t help but make you feel better about yourself because you’re able to be authentic. When we choose to bury our feelings we act differently.
We may not make ourselves available to others, and withdraw from people, or we’re just not fully engaged when we are available. At other times, we can react inappropriately because our emotions are pulling us in a different direction than we really want or need to go in. When you express how you really feel (in an appropriate manner), problems get solved, relationship issues get resolved, and life gets easier. In addition, you will like your life (and yourself) better because you’re not holding on to unhealed or confusing feelings.
Expressing what you really feel is very freeing as well as empowering. Sometimes you have to hold back speaking your truth because the situation requires that you do so.
For example, if there are other people (especially children) in the room, or you’re coming from a place of anger, double-check to make sure you’re speaking in a tone that won’t offend or upset. The purpose of expressing your emotions is to convey your true feelings and to be an open and honest person, not to embarrass or blast another human being. Sometimes we need to express our pain and sadness, and many people are afraid to do so because they fear that, once they get started, they may not be able to stop.
This is a common misconception, as depressing thoughts distort your thinking and you don’t perceive the world correctly during those times. The real truth is that by letting the tears flow, you are letting out what hurts while making more room in your heart for positive thoughts and feelings. Expressing your pain is actually a good way to make it stop. Most of us are far better at talking about what we don’t like than what we enjoy or what touches us deeply.
Take the time to tell someone who has made your life a little better that she has done so, and you will also feel better for having said it. Do your best to spend as much energy expressing your positive feelings as you do the negative ones. Once you create an emotional balance, your life starts to make more sense. Ultimately, we all want to experience and share the good stuff more than the toxic energies that protrude throughout our days, but it can take a little while to develop the habit.
It’s not as much about practicing as it is about how you come across and what that really feels like when you say what’s truly going on inside your head. When you open your mouth, you are also opening your heart, and knowing that someone truly hears what you are feeling and “gets” you is not just a confidence boost; it’s soothing to your soul. Effectively Express Emotions
67. The Butterfly Effect
- The fluttering of a butterfly’s wings can effect climate changes on the other side of the planet. —Paul Erlich
The ability to influence the world in a positive way is incredibly empowering. Leaving the planet a tiny bit better than you found it will bring meaning to anyone’s life. Unfortunately the opposite is also true: If you have no effect on those around you, it makes you feel impotent. There is a false sense of power to be gained by having a negative effect, but those behaviors are reserved for children, or adults who are not emotionally stable. If you want to feel good about yourself, work to have a positive effect in all that you do.
A theory called “The Butterfly Effect” proposes that if we were able to go back in time to prehistoric days and accidentally killed a mere butterfly, the evolution of the entire planet could change. The first use of the term also suggested that the mere flapping of a butterfly’s wings could change weather patterns on the other side of the globe, causing or preventing hurricanes and other natural disasters. Applying this theory to your own life, if you release something beautiful or loving into your surroundings, you are having a life-enhancing effect on the world.
Even a seemingly insignificant act, such as letting someone into traffic ahead of you, can have far-reaching and life altering repercussions: If the person you let in front of you was prone to driving too fast so that he could get to his kid’s soccer game on time, maybe you prevented him from getting into an accident.
Knowing that even your most benign actions can have positive effects on the world can’t help but boost your sense of self-worth.
68. Motivation: Find It and Keep it
First thing every morning before you arise say out loud, I believe. —Norman Vincent Peale Motivation is what propels us to the next level of life.
Without the strong desire to move forward, most people just sit and wait for life to happen to them. Such people usually get less out of their lives, are unable to contribute to the well-being of humanity, and are generally dissatisfied with themselves. Just hearing the word motivation conjures up visions of corporate leaders trying to pump up their staff or cheerleaders inspiring the home team to “block that kick,” but the most powerful form of motivation is the type that comes from within us.
When we have that drive, and the self-assurance that we can hit the mark, we are almost unstoppable. Motivation: Find It and Keep It For some the vision of the goal is all that’s needed.
Others need a deeper reason to become motivated, and once that is found, it sends signals to your brain that you are ready, willing, and able to take the next challenge head-on. It lets us feel our own personal power, and that’s a very potent force.
Wanting to have a positive impact on those around you, or the world at large, is a great way to motivate yourself; it is also very life-enhancing. For many, that goal is what gets them out of bed in the morning and puts a smile on their face throughout the day. For those who have trouble finding motivation, perhaps looking at it in a different light will be helpful.
For example, if you heard all your life that you lacked motivation, you may be rebelling against the people who told you that and allowing it to become a self fulfilling prophesy by not doing anything to change it. The truth here is that you are feeling hurt by someone who didn’t believe in you, and if you give that person free rent in your head it’s going to be very hard to disengage the thoughts.
Try blocking out or erasing those old tapes, which may take a few tries. For some, filling their mind with thoughts or affirmations such as “I can do it” or “I’m good at this” will help.
Letting go of unwanted thoughts will assist you in finding the motivation that almost always lies beneath them. Look, if you didn’t want to feel better about yourself, you wouldn’t be reading this, so you are motivated, but you may be a little scared to get in touch with it and try because you are afraid of failing.
The truth is that, if you want something, and you can’t summon the energy to get motivated about getting it, then you really don’t want it. Whether it’s self-confidence or a yacht, you have to be motivated to gather your forces together and start moving toward your goal.
What anyone else thinks or does shouldn’t stop you. Support is great, but success in life requires you to sometimes be self-motivated in order to get where you want to go. Remember that happiness comes from moving toward what you want, not from getting it.
69. An Attitude of Gratitude
- As we express our gratitude, we must never forget that the highest appreciation is not to utter words, but to live by them. —John Fitzgerald Kennedy
Some years are better than others. The past few have been more difficult largely due to the economic crisis that has put millions out of work and millions more in fear of being next. Add to that the lost savings, lost homes, and children moving back in to their parents’ homes (perhaps with their own kids), and many are having difficulty finding things for which to be grateful and feel confident about in the years ahead. An Attitude of Gratitude Well, if you’re one who has recently moved or taken in family, you may have a more crowded house, but you also have more love. Some people are fortunate enough to have family members they truly enjoy being around, and so having them live with you is more of a benefit than an inconvenience.
Even if you don’t really care for the situation, the truth is that it won’t last forever, and, as those of us who have been in the same position know, in the end it will leave you with some treasured memories. There is also the side benefit that you have an extra pair of hands when you’re bringing in the groceries, and an extra boost when you need some external confidence-building.
For those who are out of work or earning less (and that would be most of us), I’m hearing that, after an adjustment period of getting used to living with less, life is pretty much the same. There are challenges, like budgeting or taking on another job, and people are perhaps a bit wearier at the end of the day, but also feeling grateful that they can once again provide for their families.
I know a large number of people who are reeducating themselves. Going back to college or trade school in mid-life may not be all that you have the mettle to withstand what is thrown at you, and the creativity to figure a way out. You are more than a survivor; you are a thriver— something else to help you boost your confidence level. If life is holding you down in any area, this attitude can help you take stock of what you have and what potential you have yet to uncover.
We all know that adversity makes us stronger, but for those who have been battling the forces of the economy, it can be a little hard to see past the losses and envision a brighter future. Maybe it won’t happen next year, but sooner or later things will get better, and when they do, I think you will see that your priorities have also shifted; the most important thing in life will always be the love we have around us. Be truly grateful for it, as it gives you a type of confidence that nothing else can.
70. Emotional Fitness in the Workplace
- Confidence is contagious, and so is lack of confidence, and a customer will recognize both. —Vincent Lombardi
Confidence training is a necessity in the workplace, and it must include helping people understand their emotions. Contrary to popular myth, emotional people are passionate people, and passionate people make things happen. They create change and shake things up. Their passion begets persistence, and they give the Emotional Fitness in the Workplace companies they work for a healthy dose of energy and productivity. Of course, in the minds of many business owners and senior managers, emotions are bad; managers want everything to be detached, cool, and objective.
But at the same time they want employees to be motivated and passionate, and they spend countless hours and huge amounts of money trying to get them pumped up about their jobs. But passion itself is a form of emotion—a healthy form—so it would be self defeating to ban emotions from the workplace, even if you could.
What works best is to help people feel confident about their emotions so they are expressed in a cogent manner rather than a rant. The challenge for businesses is to foster confidence while keeping a lack of it from destroying the company.
There’s no question that negative emotions can cause employees to perform erratically, engage in blaming and name-calling, and ultimately sabotage the goals of management. If negative and unhealed emotions are not addressed, a company can lose good employees and even good customers and clients. The company can go into a downward spiral from which it may never recover.
Whether they like it or not, today’s executives spend half their time being therapists to their staff, and it’s crucial that they be good therapists and help team members feel confident about themselves and their company.
Ashish Shah
MADwAJS
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