"Henceforth I'm simply going to have dinner without you. I'm literally fed up of calling and waiting for you."
Shifali's angry outburst camouflaged all her other emotions of love and concern for her son.
She was trying her best to keep her temper in check. But this had become a routine. She would keep calling Saad for dinner and he would continue to work on his laptop. And each time, without looking up, he would just say,
"I'll be there in five minutes."
But those five minutes would stretch and Shifali only found herself waiting over cold food.
Today her tolerance level had crossed its limit and she couldn't control her anger. Mother and son had a heated argument. Eventually they landed up not eating and barging to their rooms, banging doors violently.
Whose anger would you justify?
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Rajesh was a very generous and fun loving person. As much as these qualities of his were appreciated, people around him were frightened of him in equal measure. Yes, because of his bad temper and aggressive nature. When he was angry, his unreasonable screams could be heard from two blocks away. Needless to say, his anger washed away his generosity.
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ANGER: a very strong and powerful but at the same time, an extremely misunderstood emotion. It's not a negative feeling. It's absolutely healthy and normal to feel angry. It's better to bring it out than to keep it pent up inside and wait for the volcano to erupt one day. Having said that, it is also vital to measure how much anger is healthy and when does it become dangerous.
In fact, if you know how to channelize your anger, it can act as a driving force to achieve many great objectives. Billionaire Jack Ma, founder of Alibaba.com, was rejected from thirty jobs he applied to after college. Imagine the level of his anger and frustration! Nevertheless he channelized it in the right direction.
Anger should not be confused with aggression. While getting angry is an emotion, which you may or may not display. You may act sympathetically and consider the other person's feelings. Whereas, aggression is a behaviour, an outburst which can go out of hand and become ugly. Your focus is totally on yourself and you easily blame others for making you mad.
It's important to look out for healthy and acceptable ways to deal with anger.
1. When someone angers you, I think it's best to go and talk it out with that same person, instead of cribbing about it or gossiping with others. Believe me, you'll feel relieved.
2. Let go things which are not a matter of life and death. If it's not a big deal, don't make an issue out of it.
3. Learn to respect and accept differences of opinions. It's not about who's right or wrong, it's more about a different point of view. If I were to say jokingly, then it's about seeing the number as '6' or '9'.
4. Disconnect yourself from an angry situation. Give yourself time to calm down and reflect back. If you have a clash with someone, don't respond immediately. Taking time out, will help you realise your mistake and see things in a different perspective.
5. If your anger is directed towards an individual, think of the good things in them or what is the depth of your relationship with them. It will automatically defuse your anger and you will think of creative ways to bridge the gap.
6. When you get angry, you are giving your control to another. Wouldn't you like to keep that power with you? The remote control of our life should be in our hands.
Even though anger is subjective and personal to each individual, it can be handled smartly by applying any of the above ideas. Or you might just about have a unique innovative idea of your own.
Shamim Merchant ________________________________________________
