It was quarter to five in the evening and Shashank was sitting at a two-seater, corner table at a Cafe. His restlessness was evident to anyone who would give him one look. He was sitting, leaning on the table, elbows on it. Two seconds later, he would sit leaning on the chair. Occasionally, he would pick up the tissue, and wipe off his end of the table with it, or would align his coffee mug handle to a particular angle facing sideways or would rearrange the knife, spoon and the used plate in the tray, trying to think what was the position of the knife and the spoon on the plate, which symbolizes that I am done eating. He in his mind chided himself for not remembering it and soon he let go of it.
Half-past five. Shashank thought it would be best if he had one more cup of coffee. That way, not only would he steady his nerves but would also keep his hands and mind engaged. He had almost gotten up from his chair and was about to slide it back when a girl appeared in front of him.
Finally she was here. And he skipped a heartbeat.
Prakriti was the girl’s name who was to meet Shashank. She was around five feet four inches tall, with black, shoulder-length curly hair which she had kept open, dusky complexion. Wearing a maroon coloured cotton sleeveless top, animal print black long cotton skirt and multicoloured cotton scarf wrapped around her neck which was paired with a black artificial round nose ring and long dangling earring, she stood in front of him with confidence and radiance.
But the feature which grabbed his attention were her eyes, the big, round, black eyes which she had adorned with a thin line of kohl, making it even more alive and sparkling.
She smiled at Shashank and with a wide grin, reached out her hands to him for a handshake. Shashank who seemed as if hanging in mid-air was confused what to do with his body, whether to sit down or stand up erect, he had not a clue. In such a confused state, trying to sit down he shook hands with her, a handshake which lingered a little longer than the customary one, making him more and Prakriti a little uncomfortable.
He requested her to take the seat which Prakriti happily obliged. Keeping her tote handbag under the table, near her feet, she said, ” Hi..I am so sorry for being late. The rehearsal went on a little longer than expected. You got my message right?”
To which Shashank quickly replied, ” Hi…Yes..yes, I got the message!” Then silence.
No one spoke anything for a while. Prakriti started looking around the cafe, experiencing the pleasant ambiance. While Shashank, didn’t know what to say ahead, made futile attempts to think of a suitable topic to converse. Like a Eureka moment, he asked her, a little louder than expected, ” Would you like to have anything?”
Prakriti, a little startled , replied, ” Yes actually. I would love some coffee and something to eat. But having seen you have already eaten, I thought against it.”
Shashank, a little embarrassed said, “Ahh…Actually, I came here early, at quarter to five. After coming here, I saw your message of coming a little late. So, I had nothing to do but wait. So…”
Prakriti smiled at him and said, ” It’s okay. I would love one cafe latte and a tandoori paneer sandwich.”
Shashank smiled back. He stood up and went to place the order at the counter. Prakriti’s eyes followed him and were fixed where he was placing the order. Wearing a sky blue colour shirt and black trousers, he looked like a typical IT office goer, something so contrary to Prakriti’s vibrant personality. Short unkempt hair, a slight stubble on his cheek and a rectangular glasses fixed on his nose. He was an average looking guy. He seemed only a little taller than her. Or maybe it’s just his leather shoes, Prakriti thought to herself. “Decent but very awkward”, she mumbled, looking at him.
If anyone would look at the two of them together, they were bound to notice the striking difference, like two distinctly opposite days of two seasons; One vibrant, colourful and warm Spring day and other dull, monochrome and cold winter one.
Nevertheless, their parents knew each other and had arranged this meeting hoping towards matrimony. And these two, having no qualms in a meeting, without any reluctance, had agreed for it.
Let’s not misunderstand here. Both Prakriti’s and Shashank’s parents were not the conservative, regressive type. Rather, hoping their children would find their own life partners, they were never of the notion of getting into an arranged marriage. But not having any such signs from their children and one random conversation let to this. Prakriti’s father told her before she left the house that morning, “Beta… I hope you aren’t nervous. Listen, it’s just a meeting. There is no pressure at all. Just get to know him. If nothing, you would at least gain a new friend.”
Shashank placed the order and came back. He sat on the chair a little confidently now and smiled at her. “Thank you,” said Prakriti. Shashank, clearing his throat, said in a softer voice, “Prakriti, I want to tell you something. Ahh…the thing….the thing is…”
Before he could gather the words, a server came with the order and placed it on the table. Prakriti sliding the tray to one corner leaned on the table a little, elbows resting on it. Changing her posture, trying to intently listen to what he had to say “Yes, Shashank..what is it?” she said this with all the warmth she could pass him with her gentle voice, as if silently passing him the courage to say whatever wished to convey.
Shashank, feeling her warmth and gentleness, heaved a sigh and said, ” I want you to know that, I have never had a girlfriend in all the twenty-six years of my life. I am not used to all this, going out to cafes and all. I mean…I have been to cafes and all. But not with girls. Never. I mean…I have had friends..you know….but that special way… I never got a chance actually. I get too awkward and a little scared rather to be in such situations.
Frankly speaking, I am really nervous right now.”
Prakriti, sensing his discomfort and understanding his plight said, “It’s okay Shashank. I completely understand. Frankly, even I am a little nervous right now. I mean, come on, we are here to talk about our future together. It is a little scary…” She lied.
Hearing this, Shashank felt relieved and said in a happier tone, “Exactly… God. You know, I was so nervous that I took a leave today just with the prospect of meeting you. I came here at four o clock, you know. I was soo nervous. I couldn’t sit still at home.”
Prakriti chuckled a little and said, “Wow…really!! Me too… I too was very nervous initially. But now, I am not that nervous anyway. What about you? Are you?”
Shashank said, “No…even me too. I feel much better much.” They smiled at each other. Shashank continued, “You know Prakriti, I had always had this issue. I was never the party animal or even a social bee. I used to avoid any social events, I guess. I still do. I just need time you know. I mean, it’s not that I don’t have anything to say. I have, but I just need time. I don’t open up or get comfortable quickly like others. I just don’t. But not everybody understands this. Not everybody has enough patience to tolerate me. So… in the end most of the time, I am just left alone.”
Prakriti’s face became grave. It pained her to hear him say all this. There was a frustration, desperation in his voice when he said as if he had been wanting to say this for a long time, but never found anyone to share it with.
She thought to herself, how this society and culture celebrates strength and courage and confidence and how we belittle people who fail to have it. How out of place people like Shashank feel when they, at every step of their way, are made to consider themselves unworthy or somewhat inferior.
Prakriti was confident, extrovert girl. She loved meeting people, loved spending time with them and never had any issue expressing what she wanted to. She had her voice and whenever necessary, she raised it. But Shashank was the opposite. In that way, life was easier for her and difficult for him.
Prakriti leaned a little ahead to the table, and gently placed her hand on Shashank’s hand, who like a defeated soldier had bowed his head lower. Sensing her warm touch on his hand, a current went down his spine and he shuddered a little. Looking at her, he tremblingly placed his hand on hers, pressing it harder.
Prakriti smiled at him reassuringly and said, “I may never have gone through what you have lived all your life. But I can understand your pain. However, I also know that you are not helpless, so don’t think that way. I guess it’s just a matter of finding someone who would love you unconditionally and be patient enough to understand how strong a person you are under the exterior of this awkward self. Yes..you are really strong Shashank… for having borne this inside you for all these years and yet managing to become such a decent and honest person.”
Shashank looked at her bewildered. Nobody had ever spoken to her this way other than his one college teacher, who had helped him tremendously in his formative years and encouraged him to go forward in his life. He realised that tears were welling up in his eyes and to not embarrass him any further, he with a little choked voice said, “I’ll get some water.” and got up from the table. Prakriti didn’t stop him.
He gulped some water and came back to the seat. Prakriti waited patiently for him. Meanwhile, the coffee had gotten cold and sandwich a little harden. Still, she started gulping the coffee and biting the sandwich. Looking at her, he burst out saying, “Don’t drink that. I’ve asked them to reheat it.”
Stopping midway, she kept the sandwich in the plate again. Looking at her funny expression, they both chuckled. He continued, “Wait for two minutes.”
The server came, took the tray and brought it again, reheated. This time, Shashank kept quiet, asked her to finish it first. So, Prakriti silently ate and drank her coffee.
All the while she ate, Shashank couldn’t stop gazing at her eyes, her big round sparkling eyes, which so animatedly moved. There was so much life in them, so alive as if freshly plucked juicy fruits.
He still remembered that moment when he had first seen her photo in the email sent by his mother. He had decided to cancel this meet as he knew it would end up being futile, as he would get all nervous and awkward. But when the picture downloaded, all he could look at were those black sparkling eyes. At that moment, something skipped inside his heart, maybe a beat. He knew at that moment, that at least once in his life, he needed to come face to face to those eyes.
So he came to meet her, knowing that this would be his the first and the last meet.
Ten minutes had passed and Prakriti was almost done eating when out of nowhere, he asked, ” Have you ever fallen in love Prakriti?”
Surprised by this unexpected question, Prakriti’s eyes widened a bit and then she let out a small laugh. She said, “That’s a good question, you know. Well..the answer is NO!! I haven’t.”
“NO?! Why not? What’s wrong with you? I mean..You are so beautiful and so confident and so kind. I am sure there must be someone!” reasoned Shashank, curiously.
“Well…thank you for all the compliments firstly. But No Shashank. I never fell in love. Frankly, I never felt the need to. I mean, fortunately, I was surrounded by so many wonderful people, my parents, my friends, that I never felt the need for any third person’s love. I was always loved by all of them. So, I never had any empty space in my mind to think about it. My studies, my family, my friends and my dance. They were all the life I had and needed. Until now…”
“Until now?” repeated Shashank surprised.
“Yaa…!! I won’t lie to you. But lately, every night when I go home to my room having done all my day’s work, having spent all my time with my loved one, as soon as I am alone in my room, I get a feeling of emptiness. I get a feeling that something is missing in my life. Something integral. My heart now has started craving for that special someone in my life. The need which I never felt all these twenty-four years of my life have suddenly surfaced out of nowhere. I want to be loved.. loved by a lover.
But love can’t happen when we want it to happen. It just happens. So, I shared this with my parents and they thought that maybe I was ready for the next stage of my life. So here I am, sitting in front of you.”
Shashank after listening to her just heaved a sigh and smiled. For the reasons unknown to him, he actually felt quite relieved to hear that she had never loved anyone.
However, he was amazed at how such a vibrant, happy girl carries within her, her own personal cloud of sorrow and heaviness. He then realized that NO BODY…NO BODY IS DEVOID OF SORROW. EVERYONE HAS THEIR OWN SHARE AND EVERYONE HAS TO FIND THEIR OWN WAY OUT OF IT.
It doesn’t take much for a person to be filled with vanity and Prakriti had every good quality. But despite that, she chose to remain humble and kind. He couldn’t help but respect Prakriti more.
He gave her a wide smile. She smiled back.
For the next hour, they talked about all they could possibly speak. About their family and friends, college and work. Shashank couldn’t remember when was the last time he was engaged in a conversation as this one. He felt so at ease and pressure-free that anyone now looking at him would have trouble accepting the fact that this man has an awakwardness issue.
And Prakriti, she was pleasantly surprised that this so-called “marriage meet” had turned into such a casual, fun-filled conversation. She loved Shashank’s simplicity and honesty. She also observed that he was deeply sensitive man and quite passionate about his work too. But the thing which she liked about him the most was his smile. He had a smile of a young innocent boy, pure and heartfelt.
In those hours, they both knew that if nothing, they had at least found a really good friend in each other.
In between the conversation, Shashank a little somberly, said to Prakriti, “By the way… Thank you!”
Prakriti replied, “For coming?”
“No…for lying to me. You weren’t nervous all initially. You said it just to put me at ease.” said Shashank looking straight at her, smiling.
Prakriti just smiled back.
Time flew and before they knew it, it was half-past eight and time for Prakriti to leave.
Shashank getting up from his chair was checking his belongings and Prakriti had bent down to pick her bag up. When suddenly, Shashank, standing near her seat, asked her, “Do you think, you can fall in love with someone like me?”
Startled, Prakriti quickly stood straight up and saw him looking intently at her. He moved two steps back, giving her a respectable proximity.
She noticed this gesture, looked at him expressionlessly and answered, “I don’t know. Do you think, you can ask me this same question again tomorrow, over a cup of coffee and a sandwich?” she smiled mischievously.
Shashank’s eyes sparkled and he smiled, disbelievingly yet victoriously.
At this particular moment, their eyes met for the first time. Their lips were sealed and their body still but their eyes spoke.
A silent confession was made, a confession of a new beginning…
By Priyanka M
