There is no explanation why those gazing were for. Because we never smiled, we never exchanged any emotions across when we had eye-contacts. We just kept looking at each other for a second and then look elsewhere.
Whatever it was, it was enough for me to be happy.
This kept going for almost a month. There were two Tarun’s personalities that existed. One for Neha and one for the secret eye contacts in city library with Preeti.
Meanwhile, I checked their observations about the psychology test that was conducted on me. Neha’s report was all positive (and I guess biased) while Preeti refused to share her Journal with me. I kept wondering what she found out and what she is thinking about me.
I was in complete dilemma as to what to do next. I cannot cheat on Neha. Whatever our relationship type was, we still were boyfriend and girlfriend, for more than 2 years. On the other hand, I was not at all able to figure out what is going on in Preeti’s mind. My mind was accusing me for the fact that even though not officially, I was still cheating Neha. I was also worried about what will happen if Neha finds out about my regular visits to City Library? What if she already is noticing the change in me?
I had to do something, and that something has to be done fast.
6
Destiny answered.
I was in office when I got a call from Neha.
“Tarun, I want to meet you. See you today evening at 7.30 in Swirls” “Hello!!, hold on, I have some things to finish today, before I call it a day. I might will be late. How about tomorrow evening?”, I tried to postpone the meeting.
“NO…”, Neha almost shouted in my ears, “It has to be today…I don’t know how you will manage, but I am waiting at 7.30. Don’t keep us waiting for long…” “US? Who else is with you?”, curious to know, I asked. “Preeti…”, Neha said and she hung up.
My mind was busy with so many possibilities of questions.
Did Preeti talked? Did Neha noticed anything? Did she find out I am seeing Preeti in Library?
I had no answer to any of these, nor I was sure enough about what to tell Neha if any of these questions were true.
I dragged myself till 6.45. My work was obviously not finished, but I promised my Project Manager that I will work from home late night and will finish the pending tasks today only.
I reached Swirls on time. Neha and Preeti were ahead of time. I saw them waiting for me.
Preeti, as always was looking gorgeous. She was wearing a Pink Kameez which was a perfect fit to her body and a white salwar. Her hair were tied up with a strawberry colored duppatta.
“Isn’t this style old fashioned?”, I paused to think for a second… “I mean this style is a bit retro. I have seen Mumtaz or Neetu Singh doing this kind of style in 80’s, i.e. tying the hair using duppatta.” But who cares, that still was looking beautiful on Preeti.
I tried to read their faces. Are they worried? tensed? angery? But in vain… that again left me clueless.
I sighed and went straight to them.
“What’z up Neha?”, I pulled up chair and tried to sit close to Neha and yet could see Preeti.
“Problem hain!!!!”, Neha said in as sadistic way as possible.
“Why? What happened?”, I was still guessing.
“Kal ladkewale aa rahe hain muze dekhne”, she said.
I felt as if I was thrown in a heap of rose-petals.
“What? What are you saying?”, I tried to hide my laugh and joy.
“Haan, Some Patil from outskirts.”
“But…you are just 23 now, how can you marry so soon?” I asked.
“What yaar!, you okay with my marriage?” Neha furiously asked.
“Okay okay…peace. Who is this guy?”, I diplomatically avoided her question.
“He is someone from one of my relatives. They are very rich. They own two petrol pumps, a big nursery of rose garden and some acres of grapes plantation.”, she said
“WOW…thatz HUGE!”, I said, “So what is the matter?”
“Well, I don’t want to marry so soon. Me getting married means, I won’t be able to see you or meet you.”, she was still speaking in her sad voice.
“Why Not? Is your husband such a narrow-minded?”, I emphasized on the word ‘your’. For me, she is already somebody else’s now.
“No not that. I mean he won’t have a problem with me seeing my friends, but he certainly will have if I keep seeing my boyfriend.”, Neha tried to explain the situation.
“Is he from your cast?”, I asked Neha. “Then what!”, Neha replied. “Have you seen the photo of that guy? Is he okay kind?” “Yes, I mean in photo at-least he looks cool.”
Bingo…I thought, now final question.
“Tell them, you want to continue with your learning and would like to complete your graduation first before you get married” I was tempted to cross my fingers, but I avoided it.
“I Did. But they are okay with me continuing with my education. They even are encouraging me to continue with MA as well.”, Neha said.
“Well that’s it then.”, I thought to myself, “There is no reason why Neha should say NO, and her family should listen to her.”
While I was thinking, I noticed that Preeti is looking at me, searching my face, trying to read what is going on.
We all then talked and talked, without much of a fruitful decision.
I got a feeling that Neha was disappointed. She was expecting something positive from me. Something that will push her marriage ahead for a justifying reason, so that we could keep seeing each other for a bit longer time.
I saw her eyes moistening.
I was dry, might be because I was psychologically out of this relationship, the moment I sited Preeti.
I pitied Neha, but that’s what we had asked for. It was bound to happen someday. We only had kept ignoring that fact.
I eyed Preeti.
“Save yourself from me babe, I am a free bird now” I thought so loudly that I wondered whether she have heard it.
**************************
I had thought that it would be easy for me to get out of this relationship. But it was not.
When Neha told me that her wedding is confirmed, I felt the pain in my heart. This was the girl with whom I was attached for almost two years now and she won’t be mine after couple of months. I recollected all the fun moments, sensational and intimate moments, the sharing, the bonding….. soon it will all be over.
No matter how hard you try, it won’t be the same Tarun and the same Neha after a while.
I thought to call up Neha, but then gave-up. There is no point in making it difficult for both of us. She was trying hard to come out of it, and the same implied to me.
I thought to visit City library instead.
“Anything new?”, I asked Preeti on counter, while keeping my books in the in tray.
“Yes, there is this Windows 2003 unleashed edition arrived this morning. I haven’t entered it yet in the system, so others don’t know about it. I kept it for you.”, she said.
“Oh, thank you so much, I was desperately looking for that”, I said, while Preeti continued to enter the details of the book in the system and then set the flag as allotted in my name.
I was in grief. The thought of departing from Neha was still hurting me. You can see it on my pale face and you will know something is wrong.
“You okay?”, Preeti asked.
“Yes…sort off…”, I replied.
“I will be done in 15 minutes here, care for a coffee?”, Preeti asked.
Now that is something I should cheer for. In all these days, we never had a coffee together. I never dared to ask and Preeti never bothered to ask either.
I couldn’t say no.
With coffee, I was in mixed emotions, confused whether I should be happy now or should be sad.
Do I still love Neha? Should I move ahead and try to stop her from getting married to someone else? Should I try to convince our parents and finally get married to Neha? Or is it just an emotional feeling because of departing away from your girlfriend.
Preeti talked, while I preferred to listen.
Preeti avoided talking about Neha or any reference about her.
She, in general discussed about her Library work versus my software work. First time, she talked about her family and asked me about mine as well.
All in all, it was a usual friendly talk.
We finished in 10-15 minutes and headed back to our respective places.
I felt relaxed when I came back home. For a while, Neha’s topic was out of my mind.
I tried to think about Preeti, but couldn’t do so. My mind kept transferring the control to Neha and our past 2 years.
Grief and pain kept increasing. Finally I turned off the night lamp, pulled the blanket up on my face, closed eyes and kept waiting for sleep to hug me.
Not sure at what time, I fell asleep.
