DADAJI
Yesterday I received the news of my Dadaji's demise. I received many SMSs from my relatives and even my father called up to tell about his decease. I wanted to be there at this moment but I couldn't. We are going to conduct a National Level Conference and I am the coordinator, so it's impossible to leave the things at the eleventh hour. After working for days and nights together, for so many days, it's highly improbable that I could be away tomorrow.
Moreover, the things are being done at such a pace that I have no time to relax. Ultimately all arrangements are over and I am supposed to scrutinize everything lest the things should go wrong. Everything is in its place, right where I wanted the things to be. Yes, Chief Guest's position is exactly in the center….table in the front…… and the big banner on the wall at the back and would be just above his head and lamps... just a minute. Oh no, what have they done! The spelling on the banner is wrong. O God! O God! O God! What a swizz!! What should I do??
I was in panic and didn't relax till the spelling was corrected on the banner by putting another piece of similar cloth. I went again and again through the checklist and assured myself that everything was right.
It was late at night that I reached back home. I tried to relax, but couldn't. Sleep and my eyes are not in good terms with each other for last few days. I was staring at the starry sky outside. One upon the other came the memories of my Grandfather, riding down my mind. I have heard too many times that the stars are the dead ones. Though my intellect didn't permit, I was searching for him among the stars.
I remember well what a personality he had! Quite handsome even in his old age with a stern face. His arrogance and authoritative nature got reflected from his very straight and high head. I had spent many an evenings by sitting either on his lap or by his side and listening to the evening tea-conferences he had with his retired friends. I couldn't understand much of it, but still joined him. I was not to speak amidst elders. Well, I could only discern that some marriage is going to take place somewhere. Dadaji was holding photograph of a girl. She was beautiful enough for my admiration.
Later that evening I came to know that my uncle's marriage was fixed. I boasted all around the house that no body, but I, have seen the bride, since Dadaji hasn't yet shown the photograph to other family members. I was still a child, but the naughtiest one. I told my uncle exactly opposite the features I saw. I posed to be so naïve that uncle completely believed my words and was in panic. He was in panic because he knew that he can't go against Dadaji, on the one hand and cannot even, in anyway, spoil his life, on the other.
In the evening Dadaji came to the inner compartments for dinner. Everything was in order and strict discipline. Atmosphere of the house reflected Dadaji's authority from every corner. Now, every face was expectant of the news he would deliver while he had his food in most relaxed way. With every morsel that he was taking, each member of the family was growing more and more anxious. After finishing his meals he called for everyone while my uncle's heart was sinking. I was jumping in trousers around my other uncle, still younger than him. No body minded my tomboy's appearance, as I was just five years of age.
When Dadaji's bulletin was over and he was about to get up and go, my uncle uttered the shivering words-" I don't want to marry". Dadaji sank back in his chair and threw his cold eyes at him. It was sufficient as to understand that he was asking "Why?".
"I wish to study further".
"When did I stop you from that?"
There was no point in going further because my uncle knew that if he would have said that he will not be able to study with the responsibility of a family, my Grandfather would say-"I got married at the age of fourteen but have been successful in getting education more than any of you have got till now."
Dadaji left the photograph on the table and went off. He also told how educated she was. I was too young to understand that. Now I am very well aware that my Aunt is M.A in English.
With great apprehension uncle picked up the photograph while, I giggled behind my right palm. As soon as he saw the photograph, he ran after me and we went round and round the dining table. He finally caught hold of me and twisted my ear to such an angle that I started to cry. I went crying to my mother for solace, but she too was angry with me and reciprocated by saying-"Go, go, once more meddle with your uncle and say he didn't beat you up."
At that spur of moment it came to me that I forgot to arrange for a photographer for tomorrow's conference. I got up and ran towards my mobile, called up Mrs. Srivastava. She reminded me that I had one month ago arranged photographer from a nearby photo studio, and that the photographer had approached her yesterday demanding some advance. I was again at peace with my solitude.
Since I couldn't get sleep I went into the balcony and stood glancing at the stars. One could catch hold of my attention for long. The stars seemed like a marriage party moving across the sky from east to west. All decked up with glitters suiting to the occasion.
I remember that week I didn't eat properly in a protest against injustice done to me. I cried over and over and rolled on the ground in front of my mother. I wanted to join my uncle's marriage party. I wasn't given the privilege for I was a girl. My mom tried to hush me down, but I didn't. She even said that Dadaji will get angry. Suddenly Dadaji entered and I became as silent as dead. He could discern my wet eyes and asked "What is wrong with her?" My Mom explained. I looked eagerly towards him and he said there are no such arrangements as to take girls along with us in the marriage party.
He retreated to the outer house and I ran towards my bed to weep over the pillow for next three hours. I was highly perturbed to see that nobody bothered about me and my weeping. So I went to terrace and found my Eldest Aunt talking to my cousin. Aunt was explaining her why she can't join the marriage party. My cousin was elder and much mature than I was. My Aunt succeeded in pursuing her. She told her that men in the marriage party drink and lose control. Feuds during marriage is quite a common affair. In such a condition, our presence would be an troublesome affair.
I wanted to see my new aunt now, as soon as possible; and the auspicious moment came soon. I jumped round and round her till she was left by elders. We, the children of the house, were anxious to talk to her and strangely enough, my new aunt who was till now very silent, spoke a lot and shared jokes with us. Aha! I was in seventh heaven.
It was getting colder in the balcony so I retreated to the bedroom.
Once I remember, Satyanarayana pooja was being conducted at home. Dadaji was pouring the libations into the fire. We could hear the loud voice of Aunt and my uncle, who was younger to her and youngest among my uncles and Aunts. They were sharing some jokes and laughing loudly, while standing at the kitchen door, which connected this room with the kitchen. Dadaji gave a stern look to both of them. My heart started to beat loudly, as I could learn that Dadaji was angry. Almost every one turned to them. My uncle restrained his voice but not my Aunt. She was in her own world and she continued to be in the same disposition.
I took the shawl, wrapped myself up and leaned against the armchair.
My aunt and my Dadaji were the only elders in the house for those two days. I didn't knew where everyone had gone. My cousins told me that everyone had gone to hospital in order to bring a brother for me. Because of some complications in delivery my Mother was held back in the hospital. I found the house empty. All the things were in their places but still I felt the house was empty.
That night Dadaji came to take his dinner. My aunt had already gone to bed and I and my cousin served my Dadaji, the dinner that night. It was first time in my little life had I seen that nobody was at Dadaji's service.
Next afternoon Dadaji called for his old servant who lived in slums behind our mansion. He cooked lunch for my Dadaji, while my Aunt too had cooked food for him. But she didn't wait much for him. She just asked me to serve whenever he comes for lunch. I told her that he had had his lunch. After that she didn't speak much and went off to her bedroom.
Things were changing in the house. Much of the discipline and order that I was brought up in and that which was reflected from the things in the house were deteriorating. As if something was challenging it. Perhaps even Dadaji was trying to cover his frustrations out of it. Later that night, I went to sleep with Dadaji. Dadaji was disturbed and I could see that I was imagining of my brother whom I haven't yet seen but was anxious to meet.
Next day, before I left my bed, everyone was at home. Mother was given utmost care. Sweets were distributed around the little world I knew. I accompanied my Aunt, i.e. my Dad's sister, to various houses.
Later that night a feud took place in the house. It so happened that the old servant informed the household what had undergone in the last two days. Every one accused my Aunt for not serving properly to my Dadaji.
Aunt was already in a bitter mood and their accusations worsened the conditions. That night when Dadaji came in for dinner, she heard his voice from her chamber and suddenly got up from the bed she was sitting. She stood for a while with tightened fist and fractioning teeth. Then she leaped out to the dining table, went and stood before Dadaji.
Dadaji was about to take his first morsel when she said
" I can't submit to your hdgemony. Let it be a house of great honour and tradition. I have been brought up in a free environment. I feel suffocated here."
Dadaji placed his morsel back into the plate.
"What do you want?"
"I can't live in this house. I am determined to leave this house along with my husband."
Dadaji didn't reply. He stoically got up and left the dinner table, without speaking to anyone.
That day our family suffered from a jolt. The jolt was not a minor one, it damaged the bond between the family members.
Dadaji didn't gave any response to Aunt's, but she, as she was determined, left the house in another two weeks’ time. I remember Dadaji looked as old as he was after losing his second son among the five of his children, two daughters, eldest and youngest of all and three sons.
I had to join boarding school and my education ended with a desired vocation. So I never, but once, visited the old mansion of my Dadaji.
I was in high school when I came to know that my youngest uncle got married to my aunt's sister. My youngest uncle was frequent visitor to Aunt's house and this was, quite obviously, not known to my family members. Later he married my Aunt's sister without informing or receiving permission from Dadaji and settled near my Aunt's house.
Dadaji was fond of him. That year when I visited him, after my board exams, I couldn’t believe my eyes, he looked old, perhaps older than he was. He was no more the handsome old man I saw as a child. His shoulders, I could guess, had drooped a little. There were no more evening conferences as all his old and retired friends had retired from their lives. He became a shadow of himself, a shadow that walked around the vicinity and stood for a long time at some place. I didn't know what made him to linger at some places for long……, perhaps some old memories. He was also suffering from insomnia. But he hasn't yet lost self-esteem and authority over the family, though it has loosened, a little.
I don't remember when I got asleep over my armchair. The birds on the tree, outside my balcony, woke me up and I got ready for the function.
The function went on well. I was sending off the guests, when I got a miss call from my brother. The guests were gone and I rung my brother, who informed me that, my father's youngest sister has given birth to a son. He is going to be named after Dadaji. He had sent pictures of him on my cellphone. I opened the inbox and saw the new budding life.
